Hey guys, what's the difference
between courting and dating
and which one is actually better for you?
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I’m a dating coach for men
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just the tip Tuesday videos.
(Music)
All right, let's get right into it
the biggest difference between courting and dating
is that courting is intentional and dating is recreational.
So, let's go through a few points
and then you'll sort of understand.
So, number one, typically in courting
the intention is longer term
whereas in dating
it's more let's just see how it goes.
So, with courting you are already knowing
what you want out of a relationship
whether it's something that's short-term or long-term.
Typically, tends to be more long-term
when you're talking about courting
because you're vetting the person and their personality
not just the physical attractiveness.
Whereas dating you're just attracted to each other
and you're just going to get into it and see where it goes.
There's actually no long-term plan
you're just playing it by ear.
Second thing is that typically
as well along those lines, in courting
you are disclosing up front your intention
about what you want in a relationship.
Might not necessarily be
for this particular relationship,
but it is in general.
So, if you know that you are looking for
a long-term relationship
and you're trying to find
the right, one the right person for you,
you will actually disclose that up front
even if the person that you're potentially going to be dating
or courting is not necessarily the right one for you.
You're going to allow your intentions
of what you're looking for in a relationship
be disclosed up front whereas in dating
there is no disclosure because you don't necessarily have
an intention of what the relationship you're looking for is.
There is no what am I looking for?
It's just playing it by ear going with the flow
and see what happens.
And as well along those lines,
the third thing is that with courting
you will typically know
what you're looking for in a relationship.
Even if it's a short-term relationship
you are knowing what you want in a person.
Whereas with dating you're going to actually just discover
that once you're actually spending time with the person.
So, again, with courting it's more about vetting
whereas dating you're discovering
while actually being in some form of a relationship.
Another thing is that courting is typically
more based on compatible values, beliefs,
and long-term goals.
Whereas dating is more about
physical and sexual chemistry and attraction.
The next point is that courting
is more about again vetting for potential compatibility
before getting involved or seriously involved.
Whereas dating you're actually going to discover
whether or not you are compatible by being involved.
So, you're kind of testing the relationship
again, doesn't matter if it's short-term or long- term,
but you're testing the relationship
by actually being in it to discover
within that relationship if there is compatibility.
And then as well, courting typically will have
more boundaries especially around sex
and commitment whereas dating
you won't necessarily have those kind of restrictions
or boundaries on yourself or within the relationship.
You will just do whatever feels good in the moment
and if you end up breaking up you breakup
or if it doesn't work out you know it doesn't work out.
So, it's less intentional.
So, what's better?
Well, it actually depends on you
and what you're looking for.
If you're looking for a long-term relationship
like, if you're in a place in your life
where you want to find the right person
because you want to settle down
and you want to have a family
or whatever it is that your goal is
or you just maybe don't want to play the field.
You just want to have that special someone
that is by your side then you probably
want to err on the side of courting versus dating.
Because what happens in dating often
is that, soon as you introduce sex
if it's any good that sexual compatibility
or that attraction will prevent you
from seeing some relationship red flags
that you need to see.
Because if you ignore those
then you know that somewhere down the road
they're going to become such an issue
that you will likely break up.
And if you break up when you're dating
it's often more painful
than when you break up when you're courting
because courting is intentional
you're looking for that right person.
Whereas dating is just discovering
whether or not the person's right while actually being
in some kind of a relationship with them.
And when you bond within the relationship
especially intimately sexually then
it's a lot more painful because
there's different wiring hormones.
It's actually physically or physiologically
more impactful when you are bonded
with someone through sex.
Now, if you don't really care
about a long-term relationship
or you know you just want to play the field
or you are just really needing to get out there
and try some ice cream flavors
well, that's okay too
it's all about your values not mine.
So, you're the one that has to decide
what is the right path for you.
Just know that if you get involved with someone
that if there's a physical connection
and or you know
physical sexual attraction chemistry there
that it's going to be more painful
and more difficult to leave that relationship.
Or if the person leaves you
it'll be more painful than if you are actually
Thanks so much and I’ll see you in the next video.