hi i'm Jimmi simpson i was live the intern i'm sorry hi how are you can i can i help
you with something how you doing man good i'm fine i just want to let you know that i'm uh
i'm digging your whole vibe you got going over here great i love what you got going
i'm loving your scene the whole scene man thank you very much yeah it's good stuff that's great
uh i you know i don't know your name kyle while the intern hell
how are you doing oh lyle the intern yeah people call me lyle
easy way to remember it just think lyle the intern okay and uh a college kid where to go to school
school of life right from the p to your b and j the captain to your crunch the bud to your
wiser the wonder in your bread the chicken and the pot pie the pea all over your tsa
i achieved the role of lyle's intern by playing another [ __ ] on another show
and the stengel brothers justin next dangle who were the head writers of the letterman show at
the time we're walking by a poster in new york i was doing a show on broadway and my face was
on the poster and like i said they noticed my face in the poster and they said hey that's
that [ __ ] from the other show let's have him play the [ __ ] we just thought of for our show
there was no read there was just a request of coming and be a dick it's something about my
face my face just looks like i might be a dick and i'm fine with this okay it's
kept me working in this industry it's uh very disappointing to my mother she's like doesn't
why does everyone think you're a dick you're a very sweet sweet man i'm like you don't know
mom i'm gonna give you a little present oh thanks do you mind if i open it i insist
oh my gosh look at this wow thanks lyle it's a metrocard see there right there thank you
i don't um pay one price ride all night i'm saying used to get up to my place i'll be there busting
it trying to get my neighbor and her auntie show up too it's going to be hot with two t's baby
well that's great lyle i really don't know what to say honestly that's fine mommy
what i don't know why you're doing this here i mean we're friends
amigos we're compadres we're shorties david yeah
but i'll keep chip chip chipping away at the wall you got built up around yourself
don't you worry i'll get through it lyle doesn't give up
and i've cracked bigger nuts than you
i'd say most of lyle's character traits came directly from the brain of the stangle
brothers it was it was relatively articulate what was on the page i mean yam bags alone
uh if that's not a clear demarcation of where you're going with the character
calling dave letterman yambag or telling him not to get his yam bags in a bunch
um it's just it's it's crystal clear the map was given to me and i said oh i can follow this
what what school do you go to lyle school of life yambag school of life i couldn't be happier that
you're part of the intern program while but uh you know we're right in the middle of a show
that's cool man relax don't want to squeeze your yam bags or nothing the scripts were tight af but
there was not just room for improv there was demand for improv mostly because dave seems to
say whatever the hell he wants and you have to keep up with it so um when he gets a little idea
in his head and and he drops it on you um all of a sudden the cue cards are in the ether and it's all
it's it's the wild west now lyle i understand as an intern you're not getting paid but
especially during this show maybe you shouldn't be watching tv uh maybe i should pretty much
anyway you maybe you should climb out of my butt what what what what what what i don't
don't take this the wrong way shirley but uh this ain't exactly apollo 11. know what i mean yeah no
i don't i don't know what that means but i think you do you know exactly what it means yeah well i
don't by the way don't think i haven't noticed that hair replacement system is looking fan
effingtastic well it's just the right don't look as patchy oh good thank you very much no problem
jessica tandy teamwork makes the dream work did you call me jessica tam certainly yeah sir um
oh you have one yeah i got one too yeah yeah yeah right now what this that's extra creepy yeah
the fluid legs yeah the sloppy sloppy fluid legs it was just an articulation of how little
lyle cares about uh his perception and those around him he's again like sexual in his own
mind to anyone else it's horrible off-putting uh but to him he's like being this like
languid um here i come paul yeah gross don't worry he'll always be my number one
okay good thanks but if you disrespect me i will stick you like a pig fat boy yeah
i certainly didn't expect uh dave to be uh so charmed by lyle lyle's off-putting ways seemed
to really crack dave up the stangles reached out and they said uh yeah we're having a meeting with
uh with dave he's like who's that lyle guy hmm let's see the live guy i see the live guy again so
are you seeing anybody do you have a girlfriend i certainly do david thank you for asking i actually
met her here on your show oh that's great she's an intern too she answers your hate mail yeah she's
on the hate mail team hate mail squad right hate mail community yeah hate mail task force
when i started like deciding to have a relationship with paul like i was paul's kind
of fan that made me feel so blessed because i've i've been such fans of both of these guys to act
as part of a bit my deep love of paul um almost creepy almost like a sensual appreciation of paul
i'll see you at the rally p-bone yeah horsemeat
horsemen
there's some sweet sounds paul you're making me feel like bette midler up in this piece
wow did dave ever speak to me off camera um yes we had one exchange there was a moment
there's a moment before filming and we're sitting next to each other and it was quiet
and so i said hey dave and he said no and then he walked away so that was our exchange no i'm
kidding we had no exchanges i've never spoken to dave letterman outside of being loudly intern and
again i think that's just how it is actually i was on a plane going to shoot something and um
i saw billy crystal there and it's billy crystal my goodness and so i walked over there excuse me
mr crystal i just i just wanted to say me wow well the intern um i said yes yes sir yes sir
um he's like i see him funny you're funny and then he's like you were ver you ever meet dave
and i was like no uh no i haven't um but i you know it's that's just i think that's the way it
is and i'm and i'm just happy to be a part of it yes i've known him for 20 years i've never met him
so i don't know if he was kidding but i think that's just kind of how he he is he's uh he's
doing his thing he's got his own life to live he doesn't need to talk to us i wouldn't talk to me
i told i was doing the play with hank azaria at the time that i did most of these appearances
and he was he just was so tickled by the lyle he's like he's like so you just get to call
letterman names i'm like i'm like yeah yeah he was could you call him nancy reagan for me
and i was like i bet i could and so when the single sent me the next script i added
nancy reagan and that one made it on uh lyle what are you doing exactly well next week
is thanksgiving chester but i can't afford to fly home because you don't pay me enough well
while it's a it's an it's an internship how much do we pay you nothing uh-huh well it sounds like
we're getting our money's worth watch your mouth watch that mouth nancy reagan you're getting fresh
all right nancy reagan right now so you have uh one of those internet it's a blog
yeah and uh that sounds great with a blog right yeah what do you what do you write about on the
blog well my friend rudy and i we write about working here rooney yeah boy yes i believe uh lyle
and rudy started uh a little company called wework and uh just when it was taking off they sold it
to that guy for a solid 20 grand and uh they're just living the life now in rudy's mom's basement
rent-free no overhead except for rudy's grandma she's all right
should i stop with this pen uh you're lyle you're part of the intern the affirmative froggy
that tells it like it is yeah i guarantee he has no idea what my name is never will never has
i am lyle to dave letterman and i am good with that okay all right right now i am in rehearsal
and uh this is where david butchers the material because he's still drunk from lunch
you're uh i know who you are uh you're you're an intern uh right yes david lyle
the intern hell yeah how you doing buddy he doesn't know the name of anyone on his staff
all he does is drink his jack daniels smoke his marbles eat
his fried pork sandwiches and cry like a wounded animal it's very very sad
but soon the show will start the magic will happen the candle will be lit let's watch
well lyle um you know this this is the show it's not rehearsal this is the show oh
the show's death tonight folks it's terrible terrible
you probably want to try to catch an episode of john and kate plus eight
those people are bat chiseled crazy
be be that as it may lyle what what exactly what are you doing here with the thing i'm
doing my video blog d-dog doing my vlog vlogging it up showing the people what
it's really like in here i got to get the truth out like they did in iran yeah well
that seems that seems about right yeah this guy this guy here's so paranoid he carries a
buck knife with him everywhere he goes yesterday i saw him slice up a cbs page little bastard didn't
know what hit him yeah now it's awful now lyle that that never happened don't cut me off david
tell my story america now um
sing it from the mountaintops
lyle i i know that you're busy with your intern responsibilities here on the show i'm surprised
you have time to actually produce a little video blog all right princess i hear what you're saying
you don't think i do anything around this dump but i do things i do terrible awful terrible things
who kills the rats in the theater me yeah
when the stagehands spit in your coffee who tries to clean some of it out
me who shaves you down nice and smooth like a baby this guy
now again lyle that never happened i'm uh shut your mouth hole
you don't appreciate me david you don't appreciate me but you should because i am the best intern
that has ever lived i take care of your wants and your needs and your cares
but if you prick me david do i not bleed
so please just please watch your mouth ass bag
it's all yours paul
i know
he seems to like you i get along well i don't know you no i don't know what the problem is
you want you want a little while walter hmm you and me i'm gonna go i'm gonna go hit
uh i'm gonna go get some chicken and waffles you and me see we'll take take your daughter
she'll be our wingman okay while rudy's gone she's gonna help us get to it