Somewhere in my 40-somethingth hour of Chivalry 2, my head was struck from my shoulders, and I watched
as a superior force overran our defenses and danced on our corpses.
But I was not owned. I was laughing, actually. In fact, I had never been mad, not once,
not even for a second.
And I'm not doing a bit, I actually — the game has never made me mad.
-OOFH (gleeful chuckling)
I don't think it is a controversial statement to say that playing video games online can make you feel really bad.
Even in games I love, I’ve hated my opponents, quietly cursed my teammates, and felt personally
attacked by the developers. Chivalry 2 has all the ingredients of a bad
time online, but somehow it’s one of the least stressful multiplayer games I’ve ever
played. Because for every pain point, the devs have a perfectly silly or genius solution.
Matchmaking has improved a lot over the years, but somewhere along the way, it started feeling
like a big commitment and I blame those g*d d*mn electronic sports.
Releasing an Esports-viable title opens up marketing and event opportunities, but it
also means you gotta batten down the hatches. No more insanely messed up team compositions.
No more switching teams just because you’re tired of defending.
No quitting an hour-long match halfway through when your Dominos shows up, cuz you’re
gonna have to click through like a dozen popups yelling at you for abandoning your team, and
threatening you with detention. Devs use these rules and restrictions to make
sure that people are taking the game seriously and not leaving their teammates in a lurch—
which is fair! But it raises the stakes, and makes it more likely that you're gonna get yelled
at or want to yell at somebody. Getting in and out of a game of Chivalry 2
will feel pretty familiar to people who were playing a lot of online shooters, like, 20 years ago.
It’s old school, but in 2021, this laissez-faire matchmaking attitude feels like a revelation.
You join a server, where a game is probably in progress. You get in there and swing your
sword around, maybe storm a castle, and then drop out whenever you’re done, no hassle,
no shame. Team swapping is another refreshingly old
school thing you can just do in Chivalry 2. And sometimes, if your team is doing too well, you might
get drafted to the other side.
Suddenly, all your work towards victory is for nothing. But that’s okay. Chivalry
focuses on minute-to-minute enjoyment. The purpose of the game isn’t really to complete
the objectives, it’s to have fun. The “objectives” are only there to move
the action along and corral the players into that sweet sword mosh pit.
Metaphor time: Serious matchmaking is like being in an intramural softball team. If you
bail partway through a game to go get Taco Bell, you’re gonna ruin it for everyone
else and get some passive aggressive emails.
By contrast, a Chivalry 2 server is a dog park, from the dogs' perspective. You arrive
and join a crowd of other beautiful stupid animals in a chase or wrestle or play fight.
Over the course of the day, hundreds of dogs might rotate in and out of that one sustained
game, participating in an unbroken, unspoken contract of collaborative enjoyment.
I think that's nice.
But what if one of those dogs is just too f*ckin' big? Chivalry has a solution for that too.
It sucks to load into an online game and find that you are completely, utterly, hopelessly
outmatched. I do think there’s a lot of value in playing against more skilled players, but
it’s not always fun.
It can be even worse if you’re up against a coordinated group of tryhards who are determined
to totally shut you down. Chivalry 2 addresses this frustration with
One Genius Mechanic: The Riposte. Here’s how it works:
The enemy swings at you. You block, and immediately respond with an attack of your own.
That follow up attack, or riposte, is faster than a normal attack, and also comes with
about half a second of auto-guard, which means you’ll deflect all incoming attacks during
your attack.
Now you’re probably saying gosh,, that must be some frame-perfect 5000MMR high-execution
gamer tech. But no. You right click, then left click. That’s it. You’ll probably
do it on accident. Mechanically speaking, it’s one of the most
overpowered tools in the game, but it’s balanced by the fact that it can only be used
when you’re under attack.
It’s an equalizer. Parries and ripostes mean one player can hold off a swarm of opponents,
and it’s actually fun rather than demoralizing.
If you kill ‘em all, you feel like a god.
If you hold them off for a while, you made a brave last stand.
And if you get demolished, you can always just tell yourself there was f*ckin' five of 'em.
And speaking of dying. It’s generally the
one thing you’re not supposed to do in a competitive game, so it tends to sting.
And depending on the game, it can lead to the dreaded meat grinder phenomenon.
When you die, your team has to bravely soldier on at a disadvantage. By the time you respawn
and run back, other members of your team have also died, and are also running back, so you're
still at a disadvantage.
You either consciously hang back to regroup, or continue diving into the meat grinder.
A series of bite-sized snacks for your enemy.
Once again, Chivalry’s solutions are silly and brilliant.
Dying in Chivalry 2 stings less, because 99%
of the time, it’s hilarious. The camera jumps out into third person and you see your
opponent whack your head off your shoulders like a teeball champ and your stupid body
going ragdolling through the air. Every death is a procedurally generated slapstick stunt,
and that gives you something to smile about, even as you’re failing.
(combat sounds) Game Character: Ah! I'm a one-armed man! Ah... no. I really can't do this!
(Pat) - And if someone slays you with a perfectly targeted chicken, you can use the
commend action to throw some extra points their way. Remember to tip your murderers, folks.
When it comes to respawning, Chivalry pulls
another clever trick to keep you out of the meat grinder.
Rather than popping back in all on your lonesome, your team respawns in waves. That means you'll
come back alongside a whole gang of buddies, all screaming and automatically running in
the right direction. That’s procedurally enforced teamwork! And speaking of teams...
Lots of people have anxiety about hopping into online games, with good reason. People
can be fucking mean, or just super annoying. Luckily Chivalry has fixes for this too.
First of all, you can totally turn off voice and text communications and it’s fine! A
lot of modern games let you turn this off, but it can sometimes feel like you’re at
a disadvantage.
In Chivalry, there’s not a lot of valuable tactical information you need to communicate.
You just stick 'em with the pointy end. And who needs to talk, when you can yell.
[lots of yelling]
Yeup, there’s a yell button. Chivalry 2
has a bunch of emotes and callouts on its communication wheel, but the only one with
its own standalone button is a good old-fashioned holler.
Communal yelling is one of the greatest joys of Chivalry. It’s funny, and it creates
camaraderie even without voice or text chat. But like most of the other silly stuff in
the game, there’s some genius to how it works. See, if you yell too much too fast,
you’ll temporarily be muted to the people around you. But on your screen, you’re still
be hollering to your heart’s content. The yell button and its dynamic muting kind
of exemplifies Chivalry’s thoughtful, fun-first game design philosophy. It lets individual
players have fun by being silly and belligerent, but still puts checks in place so it doesn’t stop
someone else from having fun. With stuff like the yell button, weaponized
chickens, human cannonballs, and slapstick environmental traps, Chivalry 2 is communicating
that if you’re taking this game really, really, really, really seriously,
then you’re the weird one.
On one hand, I don’t think I’m ever gonna
walk away from a match of Chivalry feeling a sense of accomplishment, like my hard work
and training paid off in the heat of battle. But on the other hand, I don’t think I'll
ever be mad.
That’s why I love Chivalry 2. It’s a competitive game, but that competition is only for the
sake of mutual enjoyment. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the friends
we decapitated along the way.
(dramatic orchestral music swells)
(YELLING)