Charles, Wiliam and Harry gave this very rare interview in 2006, and their body language
revealed that Harry is not precisely Charles' favorite son.
It's great to have you here, my Body Language Baddies!
My name is Jesús Enrique Rosas and I'm the Body language guy.
Let's get down to it!
When you're going to analyze body language, there's something that you should never forget:
the first impression that you have upon laying your eyes on an image or video.
We have an ultra fast system of interpretation that kicks in the first six seconds of a new
stimulus.
Wether we are entering an unknown place, or meeting a person for the first time, or just
opening a video, that system will always kick in and give you a first insight on how to
react to it.
The problem with this system is that it's incredibly feeble and what it tells you will
fade in seconds too.
Since it was used mainly for survival, if there is no apparent threat that requires
an immediate reaction, then that situational brief will just fade, the same way that you
forget a dream upon waking up.
You should also get used to "listen" to that first impression that talks to you without
words.
The moment you start to explain it, you're rationalizing and losing the benefits.
In this case the first impression we have, even before we hear any word or see any movement
are the way Harry, Charles and William are seated and the colors they are wearing.
Maybe what they are wearing was picked by image consultants; I won't be surprised about
that, because you know how uncommon are this kind of interviews for royals.
So being a unique situation in a special sit down Q and A, I don't think their consultants
would leave anything to chance.
By the way, William is using a blue sweater that has become almost a staple of his personal
brand.
They were all wearing light trousers, that helps identify them as a team, at least visually,
and Harry, being the younger one has a green sweater that is a symbol of freshness and
progress, like the new generation.
Notice that Charles is using a tie with green, red and yellow, that are colors that are common
in African countries flags.
It has a lot to do with the fact that this interview was about the anniversary of the
Prince's Trust that, among other things, helps people in African countries.
Pretty much like a band-aid to fix what British colonialism did a couple hundred years ago.
But anyway, the other clue that we catch at first sight is the way that they are sitting.
It was logical that Charles sit between them, but the order of Harry being to his right
and William to his left, wether if it's some kind of custom, or it was random... for the
purposes of analyzing their attitudes to decipher their relationship, it is not going to be
important now.
In fact, the sitting order could also be a suggestion of the image consultants.
And you might say, "Then is everything they do or say controlled or managed?" and to some
point yes, you know how strict are the rules of royals for interactions with any kind of
media.
And, in fact, that is good news, because that lets us focus in the things the consultants
can't control: their body language interactions and reactions.
And that's when we get to the first thing I noticed in my first impression of this video.
Even if the sofa that they're sitting on is just wide enough to fit all three, you see
that Charles has his legs relatively closed, and his elbows tucked in.
Of course, so that his sons can fit in the sofa too.
But if both Harry and William are sitting as in a mirror, on each end of the sofa, their
attitudes are absolutely different.
First, William looks much more confident and secure.
He's made himself more combfortable, he's opening his legs far wider than his dad, an
this is a very dominant gesture, and he has his shoulders apart and his neck straight.
He looks comfortable but at the same time he tries to keep that "Royal Posture".
There seems to be no problem in being in contact with Charles.
Both his arm and leg are parallel to his and both elbows and knees are touching.
That touching between people is a good clue to understand the dynamics between them.
You are never going to feel or look comfortable if you have to sit too close to a person that
you don't trust or don't feel comfortable with.
Speaking of which, what is the attitude we see in Harry? as I said, it's the same position
as William, at the end of the sofa.
The general position of his hands and the elbow over the armrest mimic William's.
But his posture is very different.
Harry is leaning away from Charles.
The angle makes it a bit hard to spot, but where William and Charle's arms are close
to one another, Harry makes it sure that his arm doesn't touch his father's.
Also, there's the comparison between William's and Harry's postures.
While William is more confident and comfortable, Harry has tense shoulders, and regarding the
legs: The space is so small that it would be very difficult for Harry not to establish
contact with his father, but his left leg, the one that makes contact, is tense.
You can spot the tension since his knee is higher than everyone else's.
So, at first sight, we can see that in that close proximity with his father, William feels
confident and even dominant, while Harry looks awkward and uncomfortable.
We haven't even heard a single word and just by body language clues we start to figure
out details about their relationship.
I also noticed something about the attitudes of both brothers when Charles was talking.
Look at this clip.
Charles is talking, even addressing Harry directly and looking at him, and Harry almost
never makes eye contact with his father.
On the contrary, William makes sure he keeps his gaze over his father and brother while
this happens.
What's really odd is that you'll remember that William's posture was almost up front
on the sofa, so it would hard to turn completely to one side to establish eye contact.
But Harry is leaning away from Charles, has a bit more space so it would be easier for
him to establish eye contact.
But the exact opposite happens.
Again, I've mentioned this a couple times: every body language analysis is stacking small
details and observations until you can reach a general conclusion.
And these are the kind of small signals that you should notice and keep in mind as you
pick up more and more details.
As in every body language analisis, we have to go from the general or bigger picture,
like the distance of the bodies and general posture, to the more precise ones, like facial
expressions.
And I noticed that for the most part of the video, Charles is leaning to one side.
Guess which side it is? yes, it's to his left.
Now, since Charles is in the middle of the sofa, we can't possibly know, so far, that
he's leaning away from Harry or towards William.
And this distinction is important because when you're looking at a group, people sitting
on a sofa or grouped in circles, when you see a person leaning in one direction it could
mean that they want to be closer to one person or further away from another.
That leaning alone can't tell you the whole meaning, and it's very easy to make the mistake
of rationalizing it, of jumping to conclusions.
So it's very important for your body language observations that you watch these kinds of
signals just as they are, at first.
We're lucky, because it doesn't take long until Charles reveals a clue that he is more
in sync with William than with Harry.
And it's the way he turns his body a bit so that his main axis, the imaginary body axis
that goes from our chest and straight ahead, is turned just a bit towards William.
(003)
This main axis is the one that really gives away the true attention and interest of people.
You must have seen two people talking, looking straight at each other but one of them has
their chest pointing in another direction, well, you know that they are not that interested
or want the conversation to finish soon.
In situations like this, when you see three people sitting together, try to spot the orientation
of the chest of the one in the middle.
If it's a bit to the left, or to the right, or if it's neutral, it will give you a solid
clue about who they feel more comfortable with.
This is one of the things that makes learning body language a delicate topic.
We pick up all these signals automatically by intuition, but as I mentioned before, we
lose them in seconds due to rationalization.
But the moment you start learning body language, you must be aware that you're going to see
things that you don't like.
And I'm not talking about the lives of royals or celebrities.
I mean, being able to decipher, to really know what's going on between people that you
know, that you live with, that you work with, sometimes can be a real disappointment.
That's the reason why I always say that learning to read people is not that hard.
You just need to know where to look.
The really hard part is know how to react, for example, when you realize that someone
is lying to you.
That's why learning body language and emotional intelligence go hand in hand.
If someone is lying to you, and you know it, you should be able to control yourself and
ask internally the most important question of all: why this person feels like they need
to lie to me? or hide the truth?
And it's not the same when someone that you don't care about lies to you, than when a
loved one or someone you trust does the same.
I know that you are progressively learning body language just by watching my channel,
so this is just a heads up that sooner or later you could bump into a similar situation.
In fact, there are other gestures that reinforce the fact that Charles doesn't feel comfortable
with Harry.
Take this one, when he puts his arm as a wall between him and Harry, and his left elbow
is really closer to William's back.
It's obvious the separation that Charles himself, subconsciously, is establishing betwen Harry
and himself.
And maybe it has to do with the fact that both Charles and William are firstborns, that's
why the father feels a better connection with his eldest son.
And at the same time, maybe Charles felt that his youngest sisters and brothers did not
have the same responsibilites as him, or as in any family were a little spoiled, so he
could feel the same towards Harry.
Now, let's put your skills to the test and watch this clip about Charles saying that
it was fun to play with his sons:
- It is great fun being able to play with them that was the great thing I did have some
time playing with them.
- Glad you enjoyed it.
Harry telling Charles "glad you enjoyed it" sounds really impersonal, but in fact he was
just teasing his father.
You can tell that it's just trying to be a bit sarcastic because he says it with a smile,
and at the same time he touches his face.
Harry has always been a bit shy, and i won't be surprised if he was worried that his father
didn't get the joke.
That's why he smiles nervously, touches his face and closes his feet at the same time.
It seems like he feels a little bit insecure about making jokes, something that doesn't
happen when William says anything funny, there is no change in William's attitude at all.
Again, as I mentioned before, if you see someone that is afraid of joking with his father,
the next question you should ask, is "Why do they feel uncomfortable joking with their
father?" that helps you be more aware of other signals to confirm any solid conclusion.
And yet another signal of preference towards William is the fact that Charles says "playing
with them", points at both of them, but only turns to look directly at William.
Charles still is leaning a bit towards his firstborn, and by his facial expression, he
said that sentence and then his eyes went off to his left side.
he was actually remembering at that moment.
But only because Harry opened his mouth and joked, it was the only reason why Charles
turned to him at that moment.
Here we have Harry trying to get his father's attention, something that it's obviously natural
towards William, but Harry has to send some kind of signal so his father acknowledges
that Harry is part of those memories too.
And it gets even more awkward since Harry first tries to lean farther away from Charles,
and then changes his mind and taps him on the leg, trying to show affection.
But at the same time he presses his lips.
In any "normal" situation, these signals can have two meanings.
Either the person is awkward and really doesn't know how to express affection, or there is
a conflict between the person and their father.
OR it could be both at the same time.
But we know that Harry had lost his mother ten years ago, we know that his emotional
toolset to cope and process with that grief was muth different than Williams' and we have
some kind of idea that Charles never was the most affectionate father, it's easy to understand
that in emotional and even mental health level, this was not the best situation for Harry.
Maybe you're aware of my other videos of Harry and Meghan, and my opinions on some of his
attitudes in the past months, but right now I'm going to take sides with him, specially
when he talks about Archie.
He has been very vocal about giving his son an environment that he can feel loved and
secure both emotionally and mentally, and that comes straight from this.
This is only a public snapshot where he tries to disguise the way he felt about his father,
even about himself.
I can't possibly imagine how could it be to spend years feeling inadequate, not being
able to dig, recognize, express your grief and hiding it below layers and layers of public
appearances.
And this is not a special situation about Harry being a royal or not; this is something
that can happen to anyone.
Even having both your parents alive, it's really common that you feel so uncomfortable,
so detached, so alien, and sadly most parents don't have the emotional intelligence tools,
or even the disposition to recognize and understand that they could have a son or a daughter that
is going through tough times.
Now, this is another clip that is very interesting to watch, especially Harry's reaction:
- I just know that there are a lot of people who appear like that but underneath it all
are actually uncertain and unsure of themselves and perhaps insecure and as I say all it needs
a lot of the time is to provide them with motivation and self esteem and suddenly they
are transformed.
The irony is so strong that it almost hurts.
Here is Charles, talking about the Trust's mission to help people that feel insecure,
unsure of themselves, maybe inadequate, to provide them with motivation and self steem,
and his own son sitting right beside him was in desperate need of all this.
And the main body language clue is Harry pressing his lips at the same time that Charles says
"motivation and self steem".
Lip pressing has a variety of meanings, from being upset to covert anger, but given all
the background just in this analysis, we can guess that Harry was not happy of having to
hear that.
Harry's individual body language is his usual bit of nervousness, with his fingers fiddling
and other pacifying gestures.
There's another clue that he doesn't feel entirely comfortable at the moment and it's
the way how he kills certain smiles.
Usually, when we smile we simply go to from a relaxed state, to a full smile, and back
to a relaxed state again.
If something else happens right after the smile and before entering the relaxed state
is because the person is doing some kind of adjustment.
It's like the person finds themselves smiling, but then think or realize that is not a good
moment to smile and then they kill the smile and maybe press their lips.
It happens, for example, if you find something funny, but you're in a serious meeting, or
even a funeral, and just try not to smile or laugh.
But in this case it was a laid back, almost informal interview and we can see yet another
example that Harry didn't feel comfortable in those situations.
Notice that Harry had some authentic and relaxed smiles just like this one.
Now, can you guess who was talking the moment he smiled this way?
- Yes we tend to mostly we like the same sort of things although there’s usually an argument
over the remote control at home about who watches what – that usually goes on for
a while.
- "Friends" is always a safe bet.
It was William talking about watching comedy shows together, and even if Harry lowered
his gaze after saying that "Friends" was always a safe bet, his smile was natural and relaxed.
By the way this interview was in 2006... and since Harry likes actresses older than him,
he could have asked Jennifer Aniston out.
She had been dumped by Brad the year before.
And to close the circle and completely blow your mind, it is reported that at some point
in the early 2000s, Meghan said that she wanted to be the next Mrs. Pitt.
If you think that's a nice topic for another body language episode, just hit the like button.
But Charles had some moments when he acknowledged Harry... in his own special way:
- which one is the most competitive? - they are very competitive and playing with
them, the last time I played with them in a... this person here told me later that he
thought when I was lying on the ground that I was – he said “papa’s just snoring”
When they ask Charles who's the most competitive between Harry and William at Polo, he answers
with a "them", but at the same time points and looks at Harry.
Then he proceeds to give a funny anecdote of himself nearly dying from a fall and when
he refers to Harry he says "this person"
Well, I've seen at least one documentary that affirms that Harry is much more competitive
than his brother, and not only at Polo, but at any conceivable sport, and that goes hand
in hand with the fact that Harry is the 'little one' and younger siblings always have the
drive to prove themselves and that always makes them extra competitive.
I think this way of talking about Harry, that he's competitive and they have shared funny
anecdotes is the way of Charles of expressing affection.
Not a very obvious one, and maybe not the one Harry needed, but... it is what it is.
No relationship between father and son is frictionless.
Every person is an individual with different personalities, characters, skills, everything.
We're also separated by generations, social changes, technology, so parents must understand
that their experience of the world will always have limited applications in their children's
experiences.
It's important to recognize their own limitations, know that they don't have all the answers.
And their sons and daughters must understand that as time goes, humanity has more emotional
tools at our disposal to be better sons, citizens, parents, etcetera, and maybe their parents
did not have all the necessary tools to nurture their personalities and emotional needs.
The trick resides in that mutual recognition of limitations and respect for each other.
Respect cannot be enforced.
From any party.
It has to be earned.
And that mutual respect is just the start of healthy family relationships.
It's never gonna be easy, but we can try.
I've got more videos that explore the body language of royals and not-so-royals.
There's also my 100 body language tips that you can download right in the description.
And don't forget so subscribe and hit that bell so you don't miss any of my new body
language episodes and tips.
See you next time!