( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT CAME ALL THE WAY
FROM ENGLAND TO MAKE HIS NETWORK TELEVISION DEBUT.
PLEASE WELCOME CHRIS TURNER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WOW, WHAT A PLEASURE TO BE HERE WITH YOU GUYS.
GOOD EVENING.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM TO BE A RAPPER.
( LAUGHTER )
IT.
BECAUSE I SAW THE MOVIE "8 MILE" IN ENGLAND, SO THEY RETITLED IT
"12.9 CLOMSTERS."
AND I LOVED IT, I LOVED EMINEM.
SOME OF YOU MIGHT KNOW HIM BY HIS ROMAN NAME, THOUSANDS AND
THOUSAND.
( LAUGHTER )
THE BAND OVER THERE.
THAT'S ALWAYS GOOD.
I LOVED EMINEM.
AND I LOVE DR. DRE.
I THOUGHT IT WAS PRONOUNCED DR. E.
MY DREAM IS TO BE A RAPPER AND STEPHEN HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH
GIVING ME THIS OPPORTUNITY SO I THOUGHT I COULD HAVE SOME FUN
WITH THAT.
ARE YOU GUYS UP FOR THAT?
( APPLAUSE ).
>> YEAH.
AMAZING!
YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THAT.
NO, WHAT I DO IS I DO FREESTYLE RAP.
THAT IS, RAP MADE UP ON THE SPOT BASED ENTIRELY ON SUGGESTIONS.
IT'S NOT WRITTEN.
IT'S NOT PREPARED.
IT IS NOT REHEARSED IN ANY WAY.
IT IS BASED ENTIRELY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR A RAP ABOUT.
EVERYONE HERE THINK ABOUT A WORD, TOPIC OR PHRASE.
THERE ARE THR THREE RULES.
SONT SUGGEST FOOD, DON'T SUGGEST ANIMALS OR ANYTHING IN OBVIOUS.
A GERMAN MAN SAID, "A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN AZTEC HIGH PRIEST."
I NEED YOU GUYS TO GET AS CREATIVE AS CLAUS.
IF YOU ARE IN THIS SEATING BLOCK HERE, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO
HEAR A RAP ABOUT?
PEOPLE FIGHTING OVER POKE MAN CARDS AT TARGET.
THAT IS FANTASTIC.
YEAH.
THAT'S FOR YOU, SIR.
THEY'RE GOING WILD FOR THAT.
MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
WE HAVE SET A HIGH BAR WITH THE FIRST ONE.
BUT WHAT'S THE SECOND ONE GOING TO BE.
JON BATISTE OSCAR.
JON, I MEAN, CONGRATULATIONS.
( APPLAUSE )
I FEEL THAT JON SAT THERE NOW GOING I THINK IF WE LET HIM RAP
ABOUT IT, THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY.
NO, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THAT SUGGESTION.
WHAT DID YOU SAY DOWN HERE.
TOILET PAPER HORDING.
AMAZING.
FIGHTING OVER POKEY MONCARDS, AND JON BATISTE OSCAR.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE.
A HAND UP.
NO RAPPER EVER IS LIKE PUT YOUR HANDS UP.
LITERALLY, YES, HELLO.
>> POST-TRUMP AMERICA.
>> THE POST-TRUMP AMERICA.
YEAH.
( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S A GOOD START.
AND BALCONY, I DON'T WANT TO LET YOU GUYS BE MISSED OUT.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO RAP ABOUT.
WEIRD BABY NAMES WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH, BUT YOU ADDED "ON MARS,"
AND TOOK IT OUT OF THIS WORLD QUITE LITERALLY.
THIS, LOVELY PEOPLE, IS A FREESTYLE RAP.
THAT IS A RAP MADE UP ENTIRELY ON THE SPOT.
YOU GUYS READY?
YEAH.
IF WE CAN DROP THAT BEAT GOOD SIR FIGHTING OVER POKEMAN CARDS
AT TARGET, JON BATISTE OSCAR, WEIRD BABY NAMES ON MARS, AND
TOIL PAPER HORDING.
LET'S DO THIS.
I'M EXCITED.
YES!
♪ ♪ ♪ REWARD AND NO HORDING I LEAVE ON
TH SHELF NEVER TAKING THE T.P.AND KEEP TO MYSELF.
I KNOW ABOUT 13 MONTHS AGO, PEOPLE SO WORRIED HOW THE
PANDEMIC GO.
LIKE ONO.
I GOT TO MAKE SURE I HIDE.
WHAT IF I GET THE RUNS IN MY BACKSIDE.
GOT TO MAKE QUICK LITTLE BEELINE, GET THE T.P., PUT IT
BACK HOME.
GIVE A LIGHT TEE-HEE.
DO YOU NEED IT?
GOT TO GET THE TRIPLE PLY.
NEED A LITTLE BIT AND STORE IT ON THE ROLL AND I FEEL FULFILLED
AND I FEEL SO WHOLE.
BUT EVENTUALLY WE DIDN'T GET THAT SHORTAGE.
IF YOU'RE TRYING TO HORDE IT, REPORT IT.
PUT IT ONLINE.
PUT YOU ON BLAST, AND IF I'M THERE IN TARGET AT LAST I GET TO
THE LITTLE SECTION THEY NEED.
WALK IN QUICKLY, DO IT WITH SPEED.
I'M LIKE YES, IN THE QUEUE NUMBER ONE, I WILL BE STANDING
AT THE FRONT FOR THE POKEMAN.
GETTING HERE EARLY WAS SO HARD, BUT THEN SOMEONE COMES FROM
BEHIND, THEY'RE LIKE EXCUSE ME, CHRIS, DO YOU MIND?
THAT'S MINE.
I BE LIKE, QUICK LOOK.
CAN I DODGE THAT RIGHT JAB AND LEFT HOOK.
I BRENG IT OUT.
I RUN AND HURTLE.
I STOLE THE CARDS I BE COMING UP THERE IN THE LAP OF THE GUARDS.
I WANT TO TAKE UP THERE LIKE E.
ON A JET UP TO MARS LET ME LAY THIS TO REST.
A FAVORITE WE GOT.
PEOPLE SAY LOOK AT THAT BABY IN THE CAR.
WHAT SHALL I CALL HER?
I'M THINKING ON MANY LEWDIDDITIES.
NO, THOSE ARE WEIRD NAMES FROM THE PAST.
IT'S ON A ROCKET AND YOU WANT TO DO A BLAST.
OFF MAYBE YOU WOULD KEEP THAT HEART MAYBE NAME YOUR BABY BUZZ
OR NEIL.
UP THERE, WHO WOULD EVEN MIND.
I WOULD ASSUME ELON AND GRIMES NAME THEIR BABY AFTER A STAR.
I CAN'T PRONOUNCE IT SO DON'T EXPECT THAT PARIN THE RAP.
I'M TALKING OFF LIKE A WINNING JON BATISTE.
OH, MY GOD.
HE BE UP THERE WIELDING THAT OSCAR LIKE YEAH, THIS IS THE
BEST AWARD YOU CAN GET.
WRITE MUSIC FOR "SOUL" I'M GOING TO HOLD THIS SO ASSURED.
JON B., THE ACADEMY AWARD ONE MORE GOING TO COME OUT ON AN AD.
I SEE YOU AT THE FRONT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE.
TALK ABOUT POST-TRUMP AMERICA.
WE FINALLY GOT THERE IT APPEARS.
ONLY HAD TO PUT IT WITH FOUR YEARS.
WE WERE RIGHT HERE WITH MR. JOE, THAT'S BIDEN, IF YOU DIDN'T
REALLY KNOW.
IS IT MUCH BETTER NOW?
SLIGHTLY, NO HATING, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE CURRENTLY SUFFERING
INFLATION.
SURE, IT WILL GO AWAY EVENTUALLY.
THAT'S A FREESTYLE RAP FROM ME, CHRIS T.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SEE HIM LIVE IN BROOKLYN AT THE BELL HOUSE ON
OCTOBER 30.
CHRIS TURNER, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE ANDERSON COOPER.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.