(static buzzing)
(upbeat music)
(static buzzing)
- Have you been the victim of unfair treatment by
a business or a corporation?
Has this ever happened to you?
You bought a house, it was not disclosed to you
that there was a termite infestation
in the walls and in the moldings?
So, you have to take it upon yourself
to call your own termite extermination company.
But when the guys show up,
they immediately ask if they can use your bathroom.
Then for over two hours, they take turns
going in and out of there taking huge mud pies
and over flushing.
Then they go in there together
and you hear a bunch of scrounging around
and then you hear a bunch of yelling
and one of them is standing in the bathroom doorway
shouting at you that his friends foot stuck in the toilet.
And he says, "help him, you gotta help him!"
And when you go in there to help him,
he just pulls it out easily,
and laughs 'cause his foot wasn't stuck.
It wasn't stuck at all, he was just faking it.
And then they get really serious,
they say, "it's turbo time!"
And they both start running around the house
as fast as they can and jumping over the couches.
But when you try and jump in, they yell at you
and they say, "you're not part of the turbo team,
"don't run, you don't run with us, we're the ones who run!
"Until you're apart of this turbo team, walk slowly!"
So, you go and lay down to be by yourself
and read your art books.
But then the next day you went into the bathroom
and it looked like the hole in your toilet had shrunked
and you said, "how could that be?
"There's no way they could have shrunk the toilet."
But then you saw in the trash, a receipt from
Home Depot for a toilet, the exact same size as yours
but with a joke hole that's just for farts.
They replaced your real toilet with a fart toilet!
And now you can't take a dump in your house
'cause your toilet can't suck 'em down
and you feel sick to your stomach!
Has that ever happened to you?
Call me right now, please.
(static buzzing)
- [Announcer] Chronic back pain affects everything,
your family, your job, even your leisure time.
At Laser Spine Specialists,
with our minimally invasive spine surgery,
you can be back on your feet and back in the saddle.
- I never thought I'd ride again,
thanks to Laser Spine Specialists,
I'm back on my bike and enjoying life.
- I can finally get back to tending my garden.
- I can finally fight my wife's new husband, Danny Crouse.
- [Announcer] Call Laser Spine Specialists for your
no cost MRI review and change your life today.
- I'm back to helping out around the house again.
- I can finally lift my son over my head again.
- I can lift my son over my head again
and there ain't shit he can do about it.
Come here, you little fuck!
- Dad, what the hell?
- Come on, ima get you over my head like a big boy.
He's been rude to me his whole life!
- [Announcer] Call Laser Spine Specialists
today to learn how a less than two inch incision
can give you a new lease on life.
- I can spin my wife again.
- I can play with my dog again.
(dog barking)
- I can get my money back from Robbie Star
at Superstar Tracks Records.
(siren blaring)
(dogs barking)
(slamming)
You told me I could sing!
I listened to the record we made and it sucked.
- Hey, I disagree, Ron.
- I gave you 10,000 dollars to make me a star.
- We just need a couple more dollars
to get this thing really poppin' off.
- I'm through, Robbie, I played "Mountain River Raft"
for my whole family and they laughed at me.
- Your family hates you!
Only I love you and that song is rockin' baby,
we gotta fly Jeff Chris down from Indiana,
to mix it professionally.
- You listen to me, no more scamming adults
into thinking they're stars.
I hear you tricked one more old guy at the mall.
(slamming) - What the hell, Robbie!
Where's my air play?
I had the radio tuned to that station you told me
all weekend and my song never came on.
- Don't listen to him, he tricked me too.
- He didn't trick me, I am a star, nobody tricked me.
- Hey listen Ron, I just got this new beat in
and its totally in your cue zone, alright.
- Don't start this with me, Robbie, I can't sing.
- It's a guarantee goddamn hit, alright.
- It's not exactly in my cue zone, is it?
- I mean yeah, its also in Johnny's cue zone.
Johnny, how 'bout you do, "Palm Tree" for us.
- (singing) Palm tree girls, love palm tree guys.
- Don't give it to Johnny, don't give it to Johnny.
Hold on, let me think about it for a minute!
(upbeat music)
♪ Moon river rock, ♪
♪ Moon river roll. ♪
- [Announcer] Call Laser Spine Specialists today
and get back to things you've always wanted to do.
- You're too tight, you need to loosen up,
it's gonna be a hit but you have to relax!
- [Announcer] We now return to the
Channel 20 Christmas classic,
"The Night Scrooge Saved Christmas".
(soft music)
- Oh.
Oh, it's Christmas!
(crashing)
- Scrooge!
- Who are you?
- I am the Ghost of Christmas Way Future.
- I've already met the Ghost of Christmas Future.
- I said, way future, Scrooge! (shots firing)
- What are you here to show me?
- Christmas in the year of 3050,
Skeletrex and his Bone Brigade have enslaved
the human race and we need your help.
- What are you talking about?
- Bonies are slaughtering humans
by the millions, taking their bones and using
them to make more bone soldiers,
and more important, fleets of bone cars.
- What?
- Frigging Bonies! (shots firing)
But I've got a plan.
(whooshing)
We've gotta kill Skeletrex.
He's huge!
He's 15 feet tall and he has bones the size of tree trunks.
- What--
- Oh, yeah, I almost forgot, he carries a club made of lava.
Damn you, Skeletrex! (shots firing)
Oh, crap!
One of the Bonies made made it through the Christmas portal.
Quick, Scrooge, bash him with your cane!
(screaming)
(whacking)
That's it Scrooge.
Now, go ahead and eat that goop, Scrooge.
It'll give you the Bonie's sense of humor.
Oh, watch out, Scrooge, It's a bone llama!
Don't let it lay an egg!
- I don't know what to do!
- Use your Christmas cheer
and bash its fricking brains out, you idiot!
(laughing)
Yeah, bash that bone llama!
Attaboy!
That's good bone crushin'.
- I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this.
- Scrooge, you cheap bastard, you're a genius at this.
(intense music)
Oh, crap!
The Bone Brigade just did a bunch more bad stuff.
We're gonna have to go to the future.
Crap dang it, this sucks!
(static buzzing)
(upbeat music)