- [Tony] Welcome to another Reddit relationships video.
This video will contain one story.
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As always, thank you for listening and watching.
- [Male Narrator] I caught my girlfriend's mother
cheating on her husband.
She wants me to keep it a secret
for the sake of the family,
in which she includes me.
We are informally engaged.
My girlfriend's college is back on campus,
mine isn't so I'm distance learning at my parent's home.
My girlfriend's parents are medical workers
at different facilities and work shifts.
I went to her house Monday at 7PM to walk the dog
because both her parents were on swings that night
and I often walk the dog for them.
I saw Andrea's car,
but thought maybe she'd ridden to work.
Find the back door unlocked,
I have a key anyway, walked in,
and pretty much caught her in the act
with some guy I didn't recognize.
Needless to say, I retreated instantly and went home.
My phone blew up with texts and calls,
mother telling me it was a mistake,
I should let her explain,
don't tell my girlfriend.
I have kept my mouth shut so far,
I could tell my girlfriend or not,
talk to her mom or not,
rat her out straight to her husband or not,
I don't know what is best for who
and I can't ask any of my own circle,
except maybe my own mom.
I trust her
and she's often a rock for me
in a way my dad isn't as much.
So, I could tell my mother and see what she says.
I'm way too analytical
and the combinations here are clouding my thinking.
It goes without saying
that my girlfriend is the one of the three of them
I would be most comfortable speaking to.
But, is that the deciding factor, my comfort?
It just puts her on the spot.
But going straight to her father with this story
requires more guts than I have right now.
At least if I tell my own mother,
it might theoretically go no further.
Other handed is not exactly her business
and I would be expanding the circle.
I met with my girlfriend's mother the next day
and she promised
she won't continue her affair with her friend
and begged me to sit on what I know for awhile.
She said, maybe it was a threat
that if her daughter finds out,
our marriage likely won't happen.
She was remorseful and cried her heart out.
In the end,
she convinced me this is the least hurtful way to move on,
the best result for everyone.
So, I am on the spot,
I don't know what I ought to do.
I have kept my mouth shut so far at her mother's pleading.
I could still tell my girlfriend
or go straight to her husband.
Doing nothing today
still allows me to do something tomorrow.
But soon I would have to explain why I delayed,
why I abetted her mother's affair
by not saying anything for awhile.
As each day passes with me being silent,
I am more complicit in her mother's cheating.
I posted in an advice sub
and the advice included suggestions I post in places
where people with experience in infidelity hang out.
Did anyone here, cheating or cheated upon,
ever have some other party become aware?
How did that end for the family?
Who reported the affair to who?
Every moment you delay from telling your wife,
you're digging your grave an inch deeper.
That's the first thing
you should've made clear with the mother-in-law,
honesty to your wife is not an option.
And she shouldn't expect you to act as sleazily as her.
Don't tell your father-in-law directly,
your wife deserves a heads up
and a say on what should be done.
Yes, it won't be easy for her,
but you're lying to yourself
if you think that you're protecting anyone
but the cheating mother-in-law.
Think of it this way,
what if some day in the future
you learn that your wife was cheating on you
and your mother knew all along,
but didn't say anything to keep the family.
Would you accept her explanation
that she was only protecting your feelings?
It's already been days,
if you're living together,
it means you had countless occasions
to let the cat out the bag,
but lied by omission.
Your wife's trust for you will get a serious hit,
but the longer you wait, the worse the fall out is gonna be.
It's like you're pulling on an elastic
that will swing back at you when you release it.
You're afraid to do it,
because you know it will hurt,
but the longer you pull on it,
the harder the hit will be.
And if you pull for too long,
and she finds out before you tell her,
the elastic will break
and so will your relationship.
Also, on a practical note,
if this lady will betray her husband,
don't think for a second she won't betray you.
I'll elaborate,
so say her daughter or husband catch her in the act,
she may just land you in it
and tell them you knew all along.
Boom, bye bye fiance.
Trust is only sacred the first time around.
I'm coming out of a 10 year relationship
and I can tell you, once trust is broke, you are done.
So be honest,
it's not your fault mother-in-law was a two-timer.
If it's not your business,
you should have no problem telling,
because I would have.
This OP,
your future mother-in-law
has already threatened your marriage.
Use that as ammo with your fiance.
Tell her ASAP,
so when her mother goes to cover it up,
well, OP knew, or OP cheated on you,
or whatever your mother-in-law
plans to sabotage your future marriage with.
Your fiance feels like she's on your team.
When she says, he said you'd say that,
your fiance is your team, not her mother.
Make it so.
- [Female Narrator] That actually happened to me.
Everyone knew but me
and people just watched me and him for six months,
knowing he was intimate with someone else.
It changed my whole perception on life
and who is a friend.
Tell your wife.
The hell with that,
no one deserves to be cheated on.
Tell.
If you don't, then you'll be seen as supporting the affair.
I would not marry a guy
who supported or covered up cheating.
I'd tell your girlfriend first
and then ask her to help you tell her dad.
If your girlfriend finds out you knew,
it's over with her.
Talk to her.
No matter what, the messenger gets shot.
I had to tell my mother and my sister about their partners.
- [Male Narrator] Your fiance is gonna feel betrayed
if you'd didn't say anything.
and she finds out you knew.
Man, telling your girlfriend costs you nothing.
Plus it's the right thing to do.
Yeah, I second this.
This kind of crap always gets out sooner or later, OP.
I know it's hard,
but damn, it will be way harder
when the time inevitably comes.
This Concludes Reddit Relationships