Alright, I'm just going to start
He sits opposite his dad with a pint on a Wednesday night
"How you doing son?" he says
A question men have been answering dishonestly for years
Have you noticed as men get older their stomachs swell in size?
But they assure me when they were my age they had a waist like mine
So when you get older your metabolism meets its demise
but I think that that's lies
Men swell with unspent emotions
with all the feelings that ain't masculine
like when you don't get in a fight
and score the bird, and crack his chin
What about when you're vulnerable, scared?
Those feelings are never aired
but they have to live somewhere and the question is, "Where?"
They're swallowed, indigestible
Forcefed emotion because it's not in our nature to share
It's okay when we're strong but when we're not
who the fuck cares
Stuffed, clogged up with no place to go
so some slit their wrists so the emotions can flow
The more feelings you are forced to swallow
the more your stomach has to grow
because every time you swallow how you feel
the river of your expression gets dammed up
Full to the popping point with fear, lies and tears
A swimming pool of unshed tears
water that can't be sweated or pissed out
every opportunity to cry missed out
This reservoir of water has one purpose
and that's to cry but we scorch our tear glands shut
And it stores with the swallowed emotions
and it gets heavier and heavier and it hurts
It really hurts
I've swallowed fears, lies and emotions
and I look at my little weight gain
then I see his dad's fear belly and imagine his pain
And then there's the banter
painful, desperate banter
Dry swallowing your vulnerability
or washing it down with lager and banter
but you have to try
Laugh real loud
because if you don't you might cry
'Cause be a man!
Man up!
Don't give a fuck!
Take it on the chin! It's a man's world
Crying's for girls. You've got to be a thug
Fuck him up, blood
'cause a fight is the closest thing you'll ever get to a hug
And men have been doing this their whole lives
To be a man they paid the price
and they've gained in size
and their feelings they've had to sacrifice
Talking about how you feel is so vital
so when he says, "How you doing, son?"
something inside the son says, "Tell the truth!
Break the cycle!"
And his emotions break loose and run riot
Terrified that in this moment he might purge his emotionless diet
His dad must see this in his eyes and it all gets horribly quiet
Holding breath
This is much more than they bargained for
The choked tears of bloke fears
Tell him. Burden his soul. Lighten yours
Look for an escape from this masculine order
still holding back the choked tears of bloke fears, oh my days
Yeah
Today's the day the son saves, the sun rays
The truth about how he feels
even though it's years and months late
You can almost see the light through the hung haze
Still holding back the choked tears of bloke fears
Do it!
And then the smoke clears
and his dad appears-- terrified
Look at his eyes
Petrified if he opens wide and dredges up what he feels inside
He's trying to look calm
but the truth is he's not scared that his son will share
but that he'll be useless
I see me in this encounter with my male friends and relatives
And for the first time I see a man much bigger and smaller than me
lost at sea and I see me
so I talk to myself
and I say, "This ain't fair. He ain't ready for this
He knows that all of these emotions exist
but if you let out one, the other million might end up slitting his wrists
and you don't want to be responsible for it"
and he says--
He asked me how I was and shit
And I say, "Yeah, but he didn't ask
actually wanting to know what that answer is
He had to ask, you know, you're his kid
Don't be so selfish!"
So he looks back at his dad and the truth about how he feels subsides
He swallows it like he swallows his vomit in pride like his dad has
It trickles down the back of his throat
and right down his spine like his dad's does
The truth leaves his eyes and gets replaced by that falsified shine
like his dad's do
and he feels his stomach swell in size with the tears that he won't get to cry
like his dad's is
And he embraces that familiar lie
and looks at his dad and says,
"Fine. Yeah, dad. I'm fine"
That's it, isn't it?