As a professional psychologist, I work with people all the time
on how to forgive others. Today, how to forgive yourself for hurting someone? I
think the first thing that you want to do, get good of forgiveness. In general, I
mean. This is a tricky subject especially if we don't fully understand what it is.
Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay. You know, we kind of
learned that as kids, right? "Oh, it's okay." No, it's not. It's not okay to hurt people.
So, don't say that it is. This makes it easier to forgive actually because you
aren't lying. Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook for their misdeeds.
It's not eliminating the consequences of those misdeeds. Forgiveness is not
allowing someone to continue hurting you. So, as I throw out a few of these things
that forgiveness is not, then we can hone in a little more on what it actually is.
And I think it's letting go of the animosity, of their hatred, the bitterness
that we feel after we've been hurt. We refused to hold a grudge or a grievance
against another person. Forgiveness is kind of like taking an antidote to a
poison that you've ingested. This helps you to see who it really benefits
because it's a gift really that you can give yourself. We've talked before here
on the channel about forgiveness. If you want to review some of that just click
on that video right up there about how to forgive someone who keeps hurting you?
The challenging thing here is what if that person who keeps hurting you is you?
Or what if you're the person who keeps hurting someone else? Especially someone
that you love. In full disclosure, I constantly hurt Vicki. I don't intend to.
I love her. She's my most favorite person on the planet. And I want her to be happy.
But because I'm a fallible flawed human being, I do think sometimes that
hurt her. Hurt her feelings, you know. Or caused some kind of offence. I don't want
to. It's not my intention. This is where we get to be very honest with ourselves.
who are we hurting in our world? And can we forgive ourselves for that? The video
that I mentioned earlier gives some nice pointers about what forgiveness entails
and how to practice forgiveness toward others. We're going to use that same
strategy on ourselves. Can you be humble enough to accept that you're not a
special case? All of us have flaws and weaknesses. Welcome to earth. You're part
of a great community of good people who make mistakes and hurt each other. It's
the truth. Have the humility to accept that you're part of that greater group.
You're not a special case. And would you also be willing to apply the same level
of compassion and tolerance and forgiveness that you're willing to give
to all of these other people on the planet? Right here at home, can you apply
those same principles for yourself? I think you can. And it starts with this
level of humility. You're not a special case. If you really aren't a special case
and you accept that everyone messes up, it would be prideful and wrong and
judgmental for you to hold yourself to a higher standard then you would hold
other people too. I know. We do it all the time. I do too.
This is important to understand because that higher standard we sometimes hold
ourselves to is actually an impossible standard. Have you ever really met it?
Yeah, that's because you can always imagine something better for yourself.
And if you hold yourself to that higher impossible standard, you're going to
constantly feel frustrated and upset and annoyed and you'll have a hard time
forgiving yourself. Let's also apply what we've learned from
forgiving others to ourselves. Have you noticed that it's easier to forgive
those who are truly penitent? You know, those who have humbled themselves.
Maybe they've made a sincere apology. They are so sorry for having hurt you.
And your heart melts a little bit and you soften and you warm up a little bit.
And it's really easy to forgive them, isn't it? So, if we're forgiving ourselves,
what if we made it a little easier on ourselves to forgive ourselves by being
truly penitent? Can you make an appropriate sincere apology to those who
you have hurt? And be careful with this. You know sometimes when you ask your
kids, "Okay, you need to apologize." And they're like, "I'm sorry! Gosh!" And you're
thinking, "Hmm... I don't know if you're sorry." Be sincere. And stay in front of
your but. Here's what I mean by that: It's easy to say "Well, I'm really sorry that I
hurt you. But you shouldn't have done this or that."
or "But you did that." Okay, you just spoiled the whole thing. Stay in front of
your but. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I love you. I don't want to hurt you
anymore. That sounded a little better? Do not
implicate or blame them for bringing this on themselves. There's all kinds of
things wrong with that. Be sincere, be genuine, be authentic in that apology
because then you're gonna be an easier person to forgive. We're not even talking
about them forgiving you. We're talking about you forgiving you. And that will be
easier if you are truly penitent. It's normal for us as human beings to get
stuck in our own mind. And we get in our own way. That's why coaching is such an
important asset to us. If you would like to engage at that level with me or my
team, check out the links down below. Come on over and use some of the resources
that we have for you to truly live on purpose. I can't wait to see you on the
inside.
and me