my sister and i grew up together but aren't very close it really wasn't from any drama we didn't
have a big fight to cause distance but rather just have opposite personalities and interests
if i had to describe my attitude towards my sister it would be apathetic love like she's my sister so
i wanted to be healthy and happy but we just unfortunately don't hang out call to chat etc
she recently received an opportunity to interview for a job near our hometown and reached out to see
if she could stay with me for a week my mother was ecstatic that my sister might be coming home
finally she moved across the country right after college and hasn't been back in almost 10 years
except for christmas she spends thanksgiving with her in-laws or the one-off birthday business trip
vacation i was more than happy to open my home up thinking we could maybe bond or deepen our
relationship it was all awkward but nothing horrible until the third night i came home
from drinks with my friends around 10 pm and went into my kitchen for a snack and realized
that almost all of my food was gone i'm not even exaggerating i swear 90 of my pantry was just gone
i asked my sister and she told me that she was shocked i ate anything with preservatives and
unnatural and that i was poisoning my body so she took it upon herself to throw away everything she
deemed unhealthy guys i'm talking about so much food both packaged and unpackaged even things like
spices that weren't fresh were tossed it was like someone had robbed my kitchen i demanded that she
pay to replace everything but she dug her heels in and said that she was doing me a favor and that
the way i ate was disgusting her literal words i know i'm biased but my diet isn't even crazy
it's pretty much standard food you'd find at any grocery store i was so upset i made a pack up
and leave and she ended up having to take a cab about 30 minutes away to stay with my parents
my mom is absolutely devastated that we're fighting and insists that i apologize
in order to keep the peace because she hopes my sister will take the job and move back
i told my mom that if she wanted to lose not one but both daughters then she keep pushing me to
apologize for something i feel i have a right to be upset about my dad says she's been crying every
night though and i love my mum so much i feel like a massive idiot for being stubborn about
the situation edit i did invite my sister out to drink with me she declined saying that she
didn't like going to dive bars and wanted to stay sober because it was a work trip
i respected that decision but i'd already planned to go out with my girlfriends it
was a birthday also i did the math and she threw away close to a thousand dollars worth of food
not the idiot your sister was a self-righteous idiot and was lucky she only got kicked out
i would have been tempted to call the cops on that crap who visits someone's home and
decides they have the right to play food police in someone else's home seriously your sister needs a
major reality check and sorry mom but one of your daughters is an idiot and it is an op that if you
try to force op to apologize then you are an idiot too but op your parents are telling you that they
care more about the sister who moved away than the one who stayed do with that what you will opie
spices can be hard to find and expensive depending on your tastes and the food alone will cost
hundreds of dollars get that money back i consider taking it a small claim score this is a hill i
would die on i can't imagine suddenly paying to replace all my food spices included never mind
the wastefulness of tossing perfectly good food that could have been donated to a charity pantry
your parents anger is misplaced the idea that you're being asked to apologize is mind-boggling
suspicious like maybe she hid the food in her car maybe she's struggling silently has
she thrown away your parents food also or was this just a special treat for you alone
no i asked my dad and she hasn't even mentioned anything about their diet are they honestly a
hundred percent worse than me i seriously don't know why my sister felt compelled to do that to me
and it's left me baffled outraged and kind of hurt not that it would make it okay but i'm
also a healthy young adult so it's not like an intervention was needed so my husband 32 and i
female 24 are expecting our first baby together i'm seven months in my in-laws are lovely people
my mother-in-law had some not-so-major fights with her husband and has been staying with us for a few
days her birthday was yesterday and because of her emotional and mental state my husband decided to
throw her a surprise party and invite his siblings he got everything ready and i was home alone when
the cake arrived from the bakery for info the cake was big and had my mother-in-law's favorite flavor
strawberry i asked my husband for some snacks i was craving really badly but he didn't get them
to be honest i got a bit tempted whenever i looked at the cake and decided to cut a small piece of it
i don't think it was a big deal till my husband saw it and flipped out asking why i ruined the
cake and cut a piece of it i said i was sorry but was craving something sweet he said that was
supposed to be his mother's birthday cake and i embarrassed him by taking a piece of it instead of
waiting till the party in just a few hours i said he should have been the one to handle it if he
didn't think i was up to the task but he went off saying he couldn't believe how childish i was with
zero impulse control to be blaming him instead of checking myself and not being unsupportive
this upset me because there was a ton of other stuff he asked me to do and i did it
he kept arguing saying i just cost him the price of the cake and an utter embarrassment when his
mom sees that i ate from her cake i looked at him and told him that he overreacted over a piece
of cake and asked if a piece of cake was more important than his son and that i was sure his
mom would understand that i took my piece of cake in advance because i really couldn't help myself
still he said this wasn't about me and i have to just admit i messed up and ruined his work then
went upstairs i refused to come out of the room to celebrate after he told me to stay there and i
explained to his mum what happened and she didn't say anything though i noticed she was bothered
he keeps telling me to apologize otherwise he won't speak to me nor acknowledge my presence in
the house am i the idiot stop trying to manipulate him your unborn son did not want the cake you did
you know good and well if someone cut a piece of your birthday cake before you even got a chance to
see it you would have a fit you are the idiot op you owe your husband and mother-in-law an apology
for real that line bothered me the most as it was such a stretch and 100 percent manipulative also
isop a toddler who just can't control themselves around a birthday cake and doesn't understand how
bad of etiquette it is to take a piece before the person celebrating their birthday even gets
to see it opio's some apologies honey you're tripping if you think you're not the idiot here
are you really trying to make it sound like this is a life or death situation and if you didn't
eat that cake then you would starve thus bringing harm to your baby lady no apologise and be done
with this your husband is absolutely right you lack impulse control and you not only embarrass
him but you also embarrassed yourself i'm so tired of pregnant women blaming their lack of
control on being pregnant and cravings i just had a baby i know cravings can be intense but it's not
an excuse to be an idiot if your craving is that strong be an adult go get your own damn food lord
i 44 female have six children i left my husband seven years ago as he was very abusive towards
the children and me i have four sons and two daughters my eldest daughter 23 left home one and
a half years ago because she said i favored the boys over girls by making them do more chores etc
still in my culture and religion the girls are supposed to cook and clean and the boys go out
to work and the boys do their fair share of housework and both my daughter's work
but as they are girls they are expected to do more around seven months ago i got into a fight
with my youngest daughter 21 the night before she was going to an amusement park with her friends
and i said she wasn't allowed to go she ended up going anyway and i rang her and her friends and
told her to come back home but she didn't she came home at 11 pm which was very late
so i locked her out of the house for a few minutes when i opened the door she was gone and my sons
tried contacting her but she wouldn't tell anyone where she was we found out she was dating this
white guy 14 years older than her and she was lying to everyone about it she would say she
had to go into the office for work but would be spending her time working from home at his place
dating is not allowed in my religion so this was a huge deal when she returned home her older
brothers and i talked with her and told her to cut contact with the guy completely and swear on our
holy book to never speak to him again she refused so we took away everything from her including her
phone bank cards passport as we thought she would run away with him she ended up barricading herself
in her room for three days she had an old phone that we thought she was using to speak to him
so when she went to the bathroom i looked for it but i couldn't find it so i took her charger
instead when she realized it she stormed into my room and harassed me and started screaming at me
threatening she called the police if i didn't give her her property back
i refused and called for my son 26 to help me but they both ended up getting into a fight
the police were called after and she left she's been staying at the guy's house and came a couple
of days later to collect her things she's blocked me on everything and i haven't spoken to her since
she speaks to her brother 22 often and asked to see my youngest son tween but i refuse she put
me through a living nightmare and put shame on the family and she has no right to have a relationship
with him anymore she also asked for his phone number through my son 22 but i refused again
she went on a rant to her brother 22 about how i'm the idiot for using her brother against her
and how crappy he was for taking my side but she doesn't have a right after everything she's done
and my youngest son is better off without her so am i the idiot you are the idiot
the way you treat your girls versus boys unequally and preventing them from having a relationship
without you being involved you are destroying any relationship you may have with her or that
she'll have with her siblings it sounds like you're just as abusive towards your kids but
in a different way than your husband so yeah you're a big time idiot you need therapy
you are the idiot you drove your own daughter away and then you have the nerve to say that she put
you through a living nightmare maybe if she had a supporting family she wouldn't need to run
away with a man 14 years older than her she was 21 an adult and had to be home by 11 i'm not
even gonna get into making your daughters do chores and work while giving your sons a pass
now you're alienating her from her siblings and using them as a weapon against her she drove both
daughters away the eldest departure just wasn't as dramatic opie taking away your adult daughter's
bank card passport and phone to keep her from leaving because she did not follow your rules
is abuse you cannot force your adult children to adhere to your religion your children likely
view the world differently so your appeal to religion or how things are supposed to be
doesn't have the same effect my 28 female parents died when i was 18 and my younger twin sisters
were 11. we had no other relatives to take my sisters in i was about to start college
thankfully my parents left us a very generous life insurance payout and a wealthy trust
enough to last my sisters and me through college and some years after with appropriate housing and
living expenses i didn't take any chances with the money i smartened up and talked things out with my
parents financial advisor to ensure we would be set i proceeded to college and took a part-time
job just in case i knew i couldn't handle my sisters full time and we had nobody else to go to
so i explained the situation to them with a counsellor present and enrolled them in
a private boarding school i kept tabs on them through their education i spent as many weekends
and holidays with them i went to ptc's as many recitals and games as i could even help them shop
for prom dresses i was very involved in their life i also made sure to schedule the sessions
with a therapist and receive constant updates from their guidance counselor my sisters ended
up graduating with no trouble and their lovely well-adjusted human beings both in college now
i'm now a college lecturer doing my phd we have a close relationship and i'm so lucky that they've
been kind and understanding throughout the years i spent the weekend with the friends 28 male family
last weekend and they asked me about myself all the usual somewhere in the conversation
i said i raised my sisters and my friend's sister disagreed she said the boarding school raised them
and i shouldn't take credit for that i disagreed and said i fulfilled the role of a parent so yes
i raised them from age 11 onward she said i was an idiot for pretending to be a parent and
i give real parents a bad name the weekend went downhill after that and i didn't feel comfortable
friend and his parents are on my side but the sister is now posting passive aggressive stuff
on social media am i the idiot yes you raised them you ensured they had their needs met you
provided a responsible adult role model and you were actively involved for milestones
but you did it a little unconventionally because that's what was the best for the three of you to
move on and succeed not the idiot and don't let anyone take away from you what you accomplished
what sort of person starts this kind of fight your friend's sister was being nasty and judgmental
please don't place any weight on her opinion even her own parents think she's out of line she can go
pound sand you did amazing starting with involving the already known and trusted financial advisor
right on through you made good decisions some people would have delayed college and stayed home
that is another correct way to do it so your way was already correct good for you and your
sisters it sounds like she expects you to have abandoned your future entirely to become a
replacement mom for them and all that would have done is set you back and potentially strain your
relationship with your sisters instead you made the best out of an absolutely horrific situation
your sisters are healthy happy and educated don't let anyone take that accomplishment from you
i female 19 and my boyfriend 25 met each other around eight months ago and he's the first person
i've ever been with so it's exciting i really love being with him and i think he's a really special
person in my life i think the only thing i don't really like about him is that he's very close to
his mom there's nothing wrong with loving your mom but i think my boyfriend is too close with
his mother i'm fine with his visits to his mom him giving her money gifting her stuff but i think
sometimes he crosses the line he would tell her about my life and it's stuff that i don't really
want other people to know i only tell him those things because he's my boyfriend but i wouldn't
want to tell anyone else he tells her about my financial situation my insecurities about my body
the fact that i don't sleep early the way i spend money my childhood memories and
that's all that i found out until now i would normally talk to his mom like every two days
and she'll casually mention something like you should do something about your sleep habits don't
spend too much on xyz i think you should learn to cook your friends are bad and the list goes on
the first time i was told something like that i just awkwardly laughed and said i didn't tell
you that i told my boyfriend that he couldn't tell my stuff to his mother or i won't really
tell him anything he would argue and then just go alright i was trying to help but i don't care
yesterday i was having a terrible day and had to talk to her she told me that i should stop
talking to my father because he doesn't seem like he loves me i've had fights with him for multiple
reasons that don't concern her so i shut that crap down and said i'm sorry but i've told my
boyfriend's name not to tell you stuff but he does and i don't appreciate it she said that i was just
being extremely rude and disrespecting her i told her that she was being extremely invasive
and i didn't like that she then says that i don't have a mother and it's perfect like that because
i simply don't deserve one this was her reply to the fact that i didn't want her to act like my mom
i simply said you're a horrible woman cut the call she called my boyfriend told him everything i said
and now he's angry at me he was at work and he screamed at me on the phone he then goes on to say
that because i didn't grow up with a mom he wanted just to make sure i get the love now which is bs
he's with his mom and not speaking to me our mutual friend that i met through him doesn't
think i'm wrong but a bit of an idiot to just straight up tell his mom that she's being invasive
so am i the idiot not the idiot he's just going to become an even worse mama's boy
run take it from someone who was with a mama's boy it only worsens and you will always be made
to feel guilty if you ask for normal boundaries also this age gap is worrying you guys are in
two different phases of life that can set up an unequal power dynamic it's already being expressed
now in the form of boundary pushing honestly i'm not one to say to just dump a person but this is
toxic and ridiculous you set boundaries and he ignored them multiple times and his mom gave
you rude invasive unsolicited advice you defended yourself and they both threw you not having a mom
in your face this isn't a healthy situation and if things don't change quickly i recommend
finding someone way more respectful opie you saw the red flags and you know what to do and run
don't walk from this relationship i know you're excited because it's your first one but this
is only gonna get worse he doesn't respect your wishes at all now he won't in the future either