Eye Contact Rules - How Eye Contact Conveys Interest Trust & Attraction - Eye Contact
& Culture
Hi!
I'm Antonio Centeno, the founder of Real Men Real Style.
Today, we're going to be talking about the rules of eye contact.
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Okay, so eye contact, how does it work?
Why is it even important?
Well, eye contact is powerful.
In fact, making direct eye contact, especially in North America, displays interest, it helps
us convey trust, and also sends, in many cases, sexual signals.
Now, do you notice I was talking and I wasn't looking at you?
If you're watching this video, usually in almost all my videos, I look right at the
camera because I realize how important it is.
So let me ask, when somebody isn't looking at you and they're talking, are you going
to trust them as much?
Do you feel that they're interested, that they're really paying attention to what you're
saying?
If somebody overstares especially if it's a woman looking at a man or a man -- and we
do this a lot especially if we're interested in her.
We will look at a woman.
Is it sending signals which convey more of a romantic interest?
When it comes down to it, eye contact is very important, but it's interesting because it
depends on what culture you're in and as to what message you're conveying.
There are many cultures throughout the world that eye contact and avoiding eye contact
with someone who is in a higher position or in a position of authority is a show of respect,
so you'll have children that will grow up and they're not supposed to make eye contact
with adults.
Now, in the United States -- and that's my perspective, by the way.
I was raised in Texas and eye contact actually changed, I think, a little bit in the United
States as well, but what you're going to find is that -- all of the views expressed today,
by the way, are coming from an American who is raised in Texas and spent time in the military,
so I feel that I make a lot more eye contact than most.
When I went to business school at the University of Texas, a lot of my friends were from all
over the world, from China, from Japan, from India, from Brazil, and they had different
ways of expressing themselves and different ways of conveying what they meant whenever
they were speaking.
I found it was very difficult for a number of my friends from China and Japan to look
directly at people when they were talking, especially if they were in from a group or
they were speaking with a professor.
This isn't something that shows that they were weak.
It simply is a cultural difference, so that's something you've got to be very aware of as
we become more of a global world and you start to interact with people.
I think one of the sayings in the United States is that the eyes are the window to the soul.
I don't know how true that is because you've heard about these serial killers or these
people that are just absolutely crazy that will lie right to your face and they look
incredibly sincere.
What I'm going to get to though is talk about some of the rules from a North American perspective
mostly in business, but I also think in general context.
So if you're going to be talking with somebody, good eye contact is important in the United
States.
You want to have about two to four seconds when you begin the conversation.
If you're meeting with a group of people, you want to give them all the same courtesy,
so you don't want to give somebody four to eight seconds of eye contact and then this
person half a second, and then this person three seconds.
You want to try to make it even and this really comes down to not that you have a stopwatch
and you're timing it, but you simply give everyone the same show of respect.
Next, you're going to want to make sure that you show gestures, that you blink normally,
that you smile, that you do everything that you would normally do because if you just
stare at the person and you don't blink and you have no expression, it comes off as a
stare, and stares are rude in the United States especially for a prolonged period.
It almost becomes like a gaping stare.
Also, as the conversation is going on, 50% of the time -- that's kind of the number I
shoot for, but give or take a pretty good healthy percentage, depending on what your
style is -- you want to be looking at the person in the eye to show that you have interest,
to show that you can be trusted, to show that you're paying attention.
And then the other 50%, there's nothing wrong with looking off a bit and kind of going into
a pensive thought or perhaps you want to take notes or write something.
In this modern day and age and actually pulling out your electronic device if the person says
something, let them know that you're not going to answer a call here, but, "Oh, that's a
good point.
Do you mind if I take a quick note?"
I take that as a compliment whenever somebody is talking and they want to take a quick note
down or a reminder to follow up on something.
Basically, what I'm getting at is avoid staring and you want to give eye contact to show interest,
to relay trust.
If you're out there and you're in the market, eye contact as you probably know is -- well,
even if you're not on the market, you still -- old habits die hard, but you'll find that
you can display interest in a person by conveying a little bit longer, that little bit of extra
glance.
At this point in this video, I really would like to hear from you guys because I know
you come from all over the world.
I know I've missed a lot of rules when it comes to specific cultures and I would like
to hear some of your rules.
So if you're over in India, if you're over in China, if you're over in Japan, if you're
down in Brazil, if you're over in New Zealand, if you're in the UK, leave a comment down
below.
I'd love to hear how eye contact works in your culture.
At the end of the day, be sensitive to other people because you may run into children normally
and it's harder for them to make eye contact.
I try to, whenever I'm talking with young children or meeting teenagers even, explain
to them the importance of it and kind of use it as a lesson with my son.
I'm always explaining that you need to make eye contact with people, that it's very important.
If you're a man, be aware that oftentimes women will not make eye contact with you because
perhaps she's married and she just doesn’t want to.
She's very modest and she doesn’t want to come off as she's making some type of advance.
Finally, pay attention to culture, very important as we become a more global world.
All right.
This has been Antonio Centeno with Real Men Real Style.
I'll see you in the comments.
Bye-bye.