- Men are in crisis, being too pushy,
crying at parks,
Alfonso Ribeiro,
spending time at Arby's when they're not eating.
It's a mess.
Thankfully, I'm here to help.
Now why am I qualified?
Coz I've got a a gender neutral haircut,
a popular podcast, and time to kill.
I'm still in community college.
This is Man Up.
(rock music)
This week I got a call from Lauren in Culver City,
or Lau-ren, as she says it.
And she said that her and her man
are having some commitment issues,
something I know a lot about.
I think I do.
I don't know if I do,
I can't even, fuck,
I can't even commit to this.
(upbeat music)
What's up man? I'm Theo.
- Hey, how's it going?
- Good, nice to see you today.
Lauren, how are you?
- Hi, I'm good.
How are you?
- Very lovely.
Thank you guys for meeting me out here.
Obviously we arranged to meet you guys out here,
by this ledge.
Lauren's reached out to me via my podcast,
which is about helping men
take that (screeches) off the universe
and really get that, you know,
that male gestation going on inside of our lungs and heart.
- So, I called Theo because you
bought an engagement ring.
- This is true.
I did.
- A year ago and you've been sitting on it.
- Yeah.
- You've been mother henning that thing.
They call that mother henning.
- Do they?
Okay.
- And, I feel like you thought that
you could just buy it and mother hen it,
instead of taking that next step to actually propose.
Like, you act like you've proposed already.
But you haven't.
- Well, I wouldn't say I act like I proposed
because, I mean, I'm not strutting around
you know, talking like I'm--
- You act like it's a huge step though.
- Well, it was kind of a--
- The huge step would actually be proposing.
- It was an interim step, you know?
- Okay.
It shouldn't take a year.
- You're probably right about that.
- As men we have a lot of invisible hurdles,
some of them that you can't even see as women,
just coz we have our own blinders on.
You know we're the only animal in the kingdom
that runs forward at top speed with blinders on.
You can't name another animal that can do that,
unless it's a blind animal.
Buying a wedding ring
and not giving it to a girl is,
well now you're just a dude that owns a ring,
a jewelry boy.
Alright so this is streets of?
- Rogue, yeah.
Streets of Rogue, this is my baby.
- And you made this.
- Yeah, over the course of four plus years.
- Wow.
How many levels are on this game.
- 15, I'd say.
- And so if asking Lauren to marry you is like level 15,
what level do you feel like you're on?
Honestly.
- Probably 14 and three quarters ish.
I mean, it's pretty close.
But here's the thing,
it's been on 14 and three quarters
for like a year or two.
- Wow, how much sex were you getting
before you guys settled down.
Do you feel like you got enough sex
out there in the world?
- I mean, I wasn't the best at dating.
I don't think, it wasn't the worst,
but, you know, I'm no player, you know?
- Yeah, I was good at dating,
but I wasn't good at sex.
- Oh.
- I am the worst at sex.
I'm very bad.
- Yeah, what do you think the problem is there?
- I just get nervous.
I'm like one of those,
you ever seen those animals that
faint when they get nervous, you know?
- (laughs) No.
What animals are these?
- Yeah they're like goats on the internet,
and they faint when they get nervous,
and that's how I am,
like I hold my breath when I'm having sex,
and then Ill just kinda faint.
- It's a problem.
- Yeah, I'm not that good at it.
It sounds like he thinks his ding
hasn't had enough ling, you know?
He hadn't done enough tippy-tappy
in that drippy-drappy.
(ambient music)
You've been sitting on the ring for
2 and a half years, right?
- Yeah.
- If you're afraid to make that jump,
one of the reasons could be
because you're worried about,
not being able to be single again.
- Right.
- So I thought I'd give you the environment
of what it's like to be single.
- Yeah it's not really an environment
that I'm familiar with--
- That's okay.
I don't think anybody is comfortable in it,
you know?
I think sometimes that's just
this idea we have that
there's a guy out there
that's comfortable in this.
Only a shark is comfortable in these waters,
you know?
It's not that hard.
Hey, how's it going?
- Oh, hi, sorry.
- Sorry I'm gonna wave my hand at you.
I'm not a harassment person.
- I'm Courtney, nice to meet you.
- Theo. Nice to see you.
This is my friend Matt.
- Hey.
- Hi Matt, how are you?
- How's it going?
- Good.
- I have, actually, adult asthma.
- Oh no.
- Do you have it?
- I don't, no.
- I thought we might have some of the same
issues and diseases.
- Oh, no.
Have a good night.
- Okay, if you see me struggling to breathe,
you know what's up.
So, I think it went okay.
- Yeah, it went alright.
It's a little weird.
- Yeah. Here's the thing,
she hated me before she got here.
She'll hate me later.
But I conversated, I won right?
- Yeah.
- So at least if I go home tonight,
and masturbate by myself,
at least I still have her voice in my ears.
- Yeah.
- You feel me?
- Yeah, I mean, you're still a winner in that sense.
- Yes, you gotta take a win where you can get a win, right?
- Yeah.
- So being single is just about
getting little wins.
So to have that single vibe,
you can go out in here,
I want you to meet a couple of girls.
- We gonna go together, or?
- I'm gonna stay here and hold down the nest,
you know?
- God, I'm a jar of just,
I don't even know.
I'm, God, freaking the fuck out right now.
- Are you really?
- Yeah.
- You're fine.
Bro, you're big semen, I'm big semen.
We were semen look how far we've come.
- Semen?
- You got this.
- Alright.
(upbeat music)
- Hi.
- I'm Matt.
- Hi, Brie
- Good to meet you, Brie.
- Jess.
- Jess, hey, good to meet you, Matt.
- Nice to meet you too.
- Hey, so how's it going tonight?
- Good, how are you?
- Not bad.
Can't complain too much.
You guys having a girls' night here?
- Yeah, we are actually.
- I could maybe do that.
(women laugh)
What's the plans here?
- Probably go to Malibu.
- The Bu?
Okay, that sounds like fun.
You guys gonna do like lines of cocaine there
and all kinds of crazy crap?
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry, that's a little forward.
I don't mean to like--
- I'm sorry we're just like talking,
me and my girlfriend.
- Yeah.
- It's girls night.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't wanna interrupt you.
What kind of girls night are we talking here?
- We just haven't seen each other
- What do you mean?
- I have no idea what I mean.
I'm sorry, awesome, okay.
- Have a good night.
- ALright, you too.
(whistles)
- Hi. - Hi.
- How's it going?
- Good. - I'm Matt.
- I'm Elaine, nice to meet you.
- Good to meet you.
- What do you do?
- I'm a video game developer.
- Oh, cool.
Sounds fun.
- Yeah.
- Sound very smart.
- Some people have maybe said that in the past.
(Elaine laughs)
I guess I'm, yeah, I'm alright.
- Do you do well for yourself?
Do you make good money?
- Yeah, I do alright.
My game is doing alright, yeah.
- You obviously have like a cool job,
it seems like you do well,
I'm like really really struck for cash right now.
And I could like hardly afford this drink
to be honest.
Its really embarrassing but like,
is there any way you could spot me like
1000 dollars?
- I mean I gotta say, I literally just met you.
- I know, I know.
- It's like a big request,
and I know this is Los Angeles
filled with like billionaires,
but I do alright.
I'm not like a,
I don't have fuck you money, you know?
- Oh, you don't?
- No.
(laughs)
Listen, I'm really sorry.
I can't really do that.
I gotta get to my friend.
- Oh okay.
- It was really nice to meet you.
- I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean for that to come across weird.
- I'm sorry about that.
- Okay, alright.
- Matt got thrown to the lions,
female L.A. lions.
The kind that eat cocaine instead of meat.
And they, they're naughty.
How'd it go?
- I'm gonna have to go with bad.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Dude, I'm glad you got a taste of the single life man.
Sometimes it's a naughty taste.
- Yeah.
- Okay, it's like licking yourself when you shouldn't.
And the kicker is,
while you've been here being single with me
the whole time, of course,
Lauren has been out being single as well.
I'm not trying to trick you or anything,
but I just want you to know that
that's how it would work.
I sent over my boy Tasty Jimmy,
he's chill, he's Italian.
- Tasty Jimmy?
- Yeah, I don't know how he got the nickname.
A lot of chicks give it to him.
But that's his life.
- I didn't know this was the deal.
- Right.
Well how would you feel
if you're girl were with some guy right now?
- Not so great, not so great at all.
- Okay,
well I say we go and check out
what's going on with them.
How about that?
- Alright.
- Let me get this.
(romantic music)
- You look really nice.
- Thank you.
Oh I was going to say this is vintage.
- It is very vintage.
It actually reminds me of my favorite emoji,
the senorita one?
- Oh yes.
- Yes.
- I'm a walking senorita emoji.
- Which is a compliment in the biggest way.
- Look man, that's what single life is like,
you know?
- Yeah, real disappointing.
- Right, and so I wanted to show you
if that's what single life is like there,
then of course if you were single,
then Lauren would be single as well.
- What kind of position do you like,
I know we're at a cat place,
but what about doggy-style?
- I mean, (laughs).
- It's Tasty Jimmy?
- Yeah it's him.
He's Italian.
- Sounds like a great time in there.
- Right, I didn't wanna have to show you this,
but it's like you know sometimes we don't,
we can't see what we can't see.
- Yeah.
- You know until you see what could be
if you don't make a move on a special girl,
then you don't know.
And this is what that would look like man.
- This dude I don't know and a bunch of cats?
- Oh that's Jimmy dude.
- Yeah.
- And he's definitely, I mean,
already has some, a little bit of ED,
erectile dysfunction, but
he makes up for it with his hands.
His great grandfather was a pianist.
- Oh God.
- So I'm just saying, sometimes look man,
I know you design games,
sometimes you gotta design that final level.
- Alright.
- And I'm gonna be level with you.
Last night, I broke into your house
and borrowed these.
- I don't recognize those at all actually.
- Oh well these are somebody's.
- Alright well, who?
- I also got this man.
Is this yours?
- That actually is mine.
That's the ring I was gonna give to Lauren, yeah.
- Gonna give when, you know?
- I, oh God.
- How does it make you feel whenever you see that,
you know?
- I don't know, I don't feel good at all.
- No time like the present guy.
- If you wanna bring another pussy
in the relationship already, I will.
(Lauren laughs)
- You can't design this,
but you gotta live it dude.
- Yeah, yeah.
- No time like the present guy.
- Yeah, I guess you're right, yeah.
- Final level.
No more Tasty Jimmys.
You got this.
- Hey Tasty, take a hike.
Coz this pussy's mine.
- (laughs) Matt?
- Alright, Lauren hey come up come up.
- What are you doing,
I have a cat treat in my hand, hold on.
- This is not really how I pictured
doing this here,
but Lauren, I'm sorry I took so long to do this.
And you know this is pretty weird way to do it.
But, you know, you've been waiting a long time
and I do love you.
- Aww (laughs).
- Lauren, I--
- Yeah?
- Yeah, hold on a sec,
Jesus Christ, Lauren--
(Lauren screams)
Yeah, will you marry me?
- Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes,
I didn't think you would do this (laughs).
- Yeah, I know.
This is a real thing.
- I can't believe this is happening.
Is this real?
- Yeah, this is a real thing.
- Man this week was really really special.
You know, they're committing to a lifetime of
love and matrimony and, you know,
sharing mail.
But, Matt's not the only one who walked out of that cafe
with a new piece of puassy.
I met this person,
Sugar.
♪ It's human nature ♪
- Men are in crisis.
Mansplaining, manspreading, mayonaise, times up,
Woody Allen, Dave Nevaro,
we've got a lot of issues guys.
Thankfully I'm here to help.
Now why am I qualified, because I've got a
popular podcast, a gender neutral haircut,
and I've dealt with every problem that a man can have.
I've got erectile dysfunction right now.
I'm Theo Vonn and this is Man Up.
So this weeks episode is about growth.
And I got a call from Calila,
who is a girlfriend of an old friend of mine
named Bobby Lire or Bob Li.
And some of you guys have seen him,
and he hasn't really exhibited growth very well in his life.
So first things first, I went over there to help out.
- He's the absolute love of my life.
I don't see a future without him,
but there are some barriers to our relationship.
Namely, my step dad.
My step dad's a little bit more traditional
and he has some concerns.
- Say if I were a peeping tom right,
and you're not here.
And I show up, 'cause I got a ladder,
and I got everything I need right.
I got the gloves, I got a thermos,
you know I got time to kill,
you know I'm unemployed.
And I'm here watching through the windows
and I see Bobby, what's he gonna be doing.
What am I gonna see him doing?
- 16 hours of video game play
with the occasional intermittent break
of masterbatory activities.
- Jesus christ.
I know when I see somebody
that needs to evolve a little bit.
- Right.
- And for me it just seems like Bobby
just wants to play this child forever.
- He's a man baby.
- When I first moved in here,
I would walk out to the balcony
and I would always get this strong smell of ammonia.
Then I see this massive jug of yellow fluid.
So I asked him, Bobby what is that?
- His natural urine isn't it.
- His natural urine.
- That's an easy one.
- He says it's a Korean thing,
I don't buy it.
- Yeah I don't buy that either
I've watched a lot of Korean shit online,
I've never seen anything like that.
And I used to pee in my girlfriends sink at night
and the cats would show up
and they started peeing in there and that's
how her mom knew I was peeing in there.
So it's you know there's a lot of ways
to get caught up in that.
- Let me give you an example of my step dads 70th birthday.
- Okay.
- Six people in the table, fancy dinner,
I asked Bobby hey no gadgets,
so he didn't know what to do with his hands.
So naturally his hands found my breasts.
- Oh wow.
- During dinner.
- Crotch too or just breasts? Honestly.
- Mostly breasts. Mostly waist up.
- Did he witness some of it.
- He witnessed all of it.
- Jesus dude.
That makes my fucking neck hurt.
- That 70th birthday fiasco is what I want to erase
out of everyone's memory.
- Right.
- So I want to have a dinner with my step dad.
I want a re do.
- Yes I got a good idea.
If you don't mind I'd like to maybe
take him aside for a little bit
and see if we can't do some things.
Crack into that jaundice phenomemon
that's going on behind his eyes.
And see what we can create.
- Please.
- Okay.
Look I can relate.
Bobby has extra urine around the house, I've been there.
You know I've done a lot of poor choices.
I've got two bags of body hair under my sink right now.
One of them is mine.
But I know that I have to change.
The mission now was getting Bobby to know
that he needs to change as well.
- [Theo] I hear him, I hear him.
Stand up straight.
- Hey honey.
- Sup Bob.
He has nothing crazy.
- What's deal? What is this?
- Uh just hanging out man, seeing if you were home.
- Yeah I am home I'm here.
- Yeah you weren't home.
- Okay.
- What's going on man
- hey
- good to see you bro
- What's going on.
- Yeah you look good.
- What is this?
- Just like a little, it's gonna be like,
kind of like an intervention,
but nobody's here but us.
- Intervention? I've been sober for
like 15 years so I'm good.
- It's not about that though. Right?
She's good, nobody's pregnant.
Let's go outside. If it's alright man.
- What
- Yeah bro we're not being crazy I promise.
I mean some people are crazy, but we're not them.
- You're not gonna call me and tell me.
- About 80 feet it looks like.
- Dude, dude, just call me and tell me that
you're going to do this.
- My bad.
- What do you mean your bad?
Is this like just call me.
- I'm saying I feel bad now.
- Yeah but there's a crew in my house it's weird.
- Well Calila, first of all Calila reached out to me.
Okay I'm not trying to be rude but.
- She called you?
- She said something to me yeah, on the phone.
She called.
- Weird.
- She said straight up.
- Everything's fine.
- Well that's not exactly how she framed it.
- Yeah but how did she frame it?
- I'll say it.
Bobby masturbates around the house,
different places, urinates outdoors,
- And.
- Dude there's people that live out here.
Neighbors man. That could be
- Yeah I'm also
- Is that a school.
- Oh can I just say this though
- Yeah. Say it.
- I just defend myself alright.
In society we make these rules like etiquette.
- Okay.
- Right. But these rules are made to be broken.
- Yeah, in high school Bobby, in junior high.
You know in kindergarten, in pre-K.
People shitting off the balcony and you know
pissing in front of people.
There's 60 people living over there.
- Alright.
- So I'm just saying let's try this bro.
We go to this thing today with me.
And then we go to another event with his family.
And we see if you can step it up bro.
It's her step dad!
She's already down to her second dad.
- I gotta go places with you? Alright.
- She's already down to her second dad Bobby.
- Next time though, seriously next time,
you call me and you tell me that you're going to do this
because it's fucking bullshit.
- Okay is your phone on? I tried to text you.
- No it's not on.
- Because of my southern roots
I know that manners are important.
And what Babbabear here is missing
is a little bit of them manoirs.
So I took little Bobby to a Cotillion class
with some high society types.
You ready?
- Yeah.
- Alright, sayonara.
- Say hello everyone to our gues-
oh we're going in for a hug.
Okay I actually went for that because I didn't
want to be rude, but we're gonna work on introductions.
- You don't like ethnic storm.
- No it has nothing to do with ethnicity.
I'm an all inclusive person.
- I just went in a little too hot I think.
- You went in like we-
a little too familiar I would say.
We are all here to actually teach you some manners today.
- I know all the manners but alright.
- Well I'm here to teach you all of things that you
don't know that you don't know.
- Like if I lived in England in a castle?
- No this is actually what I like to call
real life skills.
These are everyday courtesy's that you should know.
And anyone should know.
For both your personal and your professional life.
- Alright.
- Alright that's- we're gonna work on that.
No that's not happening.
Anytime you meet someone,
you need to know the proper greeting.
You want to have one arms length distance
which is about 18 inches between another person.
We are not going to flap our wings like a birdie.
We're going to pretend we have books on
either side of our waist.
And we are going to act as if we are
conducting an orchestra.
- This is ridiculous, I've never
- Okay here we go, here we go.
- It's absolute ludicy.
- Here we go, stop, stop, stop.
- I made all these arrangements for Bobby
to take a moment to not think about himself
and to listen to somebody else,
and to actually display a little bit of congeniality.
- Chew and swallow, chew and swallow.
- And I was just bool.
- And honestly he didn't really show up.
- I swear to god I farted twice already,
but it was quiet.
(kids squealing)
- Okay this is so not a regular manners class.
- In America we are told to chew quietly.
- Oh here in America, I did not know that.
- Yeah well.
- Thank you so much, white lady for telling me
how to eat in America.
- I am not teasing him.
- Look I think our last hope is to see if Bobby
can properly know how to make a toast,
otherwise I don't even see how he's gonna survive
this tomorrow dude.
- Yeah you're not placing good bets on, or good odds.
- You want me to do a toast.
Hear hear.
- Hear hear.
- I would like to salut.
- Excuse me I have to interrupt.
You open with the lines,
I would like to propose a toast.
Hear hear is at the end of the toast.
Let's try it again.
- Bobby.
- You're laughing, but this is serious business.
- This is the worst human experience
I've ever had in my life.
- How does that make me feel.
- That's your problem.
- No I think you're great.
- That makes me feel so badly.
(laughter)
I'm going to cry.
- Now he's laughing.
- It's not funny guys.
So things hadn't gone well,
the big dinner had arrived and I realized that
Bobby was gonna need some assistance.
- That was weird.
- Okay hello.
- How you doing/
- You alright.
- Yeah I feel fine.
- You don't always pull out my chair.
- I know because I'm a different man.
- Before we start, I called the both of you
to have dinner because the last dinner
that we had together didn't go so well.
- When we go out to eat you are constantly
groping her in front of everyone.
- Can I say something.
- No just wait a second, just hear this out.
- Okay.
- When you do this, it's kind of insulting.
- Okay that's good, I understand that.
- Good evening guys, my name's chuckie,
I'll be your waiter this evening.
- What's your name?
- Chuckie.
- Hey Chuckie.
- Nice to see you, just the three of you guys tonight?
- Mm hmm,
- Awesome, welcome to The District,
have anybody told you about our specials.
- Not yet.
- No you're the first guy to say hi.
- Excellent tonight we have a seven ounce duck,
- Yeah that's it?
- That's it.
- Yeah that's gonna be it.
- And what's on it?
- The duck comes natural,
it comes in its own sauce and it's
- What kind of sauce is it?
- I can ask the chef for you sir.
- Well you should know that right as a waiter.
- I'm new here sir.
- Okay.
Alright thank you very much.
- Thanks man.
- I know it's, I'm just gonna.
'cause my girlfriend's so pretty.
Okay.
- Suck it in, suck it in a little.
I need your belly to go down a bit.
Okay there we go.
Oh god.
- Bobby.
I knew that Bobby might need some help,
so I slipped him an ear piece.
Bobby, time for the toast.
- Time for the toast.
Hear, hear.
Calila, Roger, Both of you,
I am grateful to have you in my life.
Calila you are my native American love sister.
- I'm not Native American.
- You look like Pocahontas right now though.
And that's what- you know exactly what I'm saying.
- I don't.
- Let me start over.
Calila, I just want to say I'm sorry,
because I spend a lot of time thinking about myself.
You are my angel.
- Come here, give me your face.
- You are special to me.
And I am so happy to have you in my life.
- Thank you sweetie that means a lot.
- And I am grateful to Roger,
because just like me he recognizes
amazing women when he sees them.
Even though you're dating her mom and not her.
You know what I mean.
I love you.
Hear hear.
- Cheers.
- Everyone says hear hear.
- Hear hear.
- Everyone in the restaurant, hear hear.
- What I learned from watching Bobby
is you have to take your problems seriously.
You have to step into the situation
and you have to do it.
You have to do the work.
And did Bobby do the work today, no.
I don't think he did, but he at least showed up.
- Cheers
- And hopefully, you show up, you show up, you show up.
- I did it.
- And sometime you feel comfortable enough to man up.
And maybe next week we will have a different outcome.
But thank you guys for being here with me,
I'm Theo Vonn, and this has been Man Up.
- Men are struggling.
Chewing with their mouths open,
sexual harassment, being, um, Shia LaBeouf.
Thankfully, I'm here to help.
Now why am I qualified?
'Cause I got a gender neutral hair cut,
a popular podcast, and I've had scoliosis.
Welcome to Man Up.
(upbeat rock music)
This week we're talking about stress.
You know, the silent killer.
It's like a hungry mouse inside of a cheese heart.
I got a call from Josh, one of our long time
listeners, and he says he's seriously stressed out.
And, seriously appears to be an understatement.
Let's take a look, baby, get that head up.
(yelling) (hitting)
Josh really needed a new way to relax
and I knew exactly what to do.
(upbeat music)
Theo.
- Josh.
- Yeah, nice to finally meet you man.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, how's everything?
- I'm doing as best as can be, you know.
- [Theo] Yeah.
- Morning traffic and all that.
- Yeah.
Yeah, man, thank you for making the drive.
I appreciate it.
- No problem.
- So I know you reached out.
A lot of stress going on in your life.
What's going on with that?
- Um.
About 14 years ago, I was planning on making
a road trip to all the open major league try outs.
- For baseball?
- For baseball.
And I was working at (bleep) Electronics,
and I had half a palette of computers following me.
Screwed up my back.
- No way.
Desktops, or?
- Yeah.
Big boxes, about like that big.
- Oh.
- That instantly just screwed up my dream
career ideas, and, so just everything is stressing
me out now.
- So the stuff you're doing right now,
the metal with the bat and everything,
I get it.
You know, but it's just kind of old school.
- Yeah.
- You know, it's Roman.
It's very used car dealership violent.
Those ideas are, I made this chart.
- Wrong.
And it said wrong until I accidentally--
- Scribbled 'em out?
- Scribbled 'em out.
Yes, thank you.
But sometimes when you have wrong ideas,
you gotta fold up those wrong ideas,
and when you make wrongigami and you fold up
those wrong ideas, what do you get left with?
- Ron?
- R-O-N.
Ron.
- Ron.
- An adult's name.
I'm gonna introduce you right now
to a man named Ron, the most stress free guy ever.
- Alright. - And he's gonna help us.
You get it?
- [Josh] Yeah.
Sounds good.
- Alright, thanks for being here today, Josh.
- Thanks for having me.
- Yeah.
Ron is the chillest dude that I know.
- Ah.
Namaste, gentlemen.
- Honestly, if I had to just curl up inside
of a dude and take a nap,
it would be in Ron.
- Josh.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- He's just a smooth, silky, dark, polyester,
chocolate throat lozenge of a man.
No shades, eh?
- Yeah.
- [Theo] You got nice eyes, too, I feel like.
I'm just guessing.
- Don't hide 'em.
Don't hide 'em.
Let us see the windows into your soul.
- See, I told you he's calm.
- He is calm.
- For me, a part of relaxing is learning to let go.
Learning to deal with loss and learning to
give up expectations, but never give up hope, you know?
- Yeah.
- There's always needs to be found.
- 'Cause he struggles, this man.
- Oh, I can see it, I could feel the energy
as soon as he walked in.
It changed.
My plants starting leaning away from him.
- [Theo] You're not a bad person, though.
- No.
You got a good spirit.
It's with you, I see it.
You just got hurt a little bit.
- Yeah.
- And it's tough for you to let that go.
I understand that.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like
if all of a sudden they were just like,
"Hey, you just can't do comedy anymore."
So I understand it and I appreciate it
and we're gonna get you through it.
Let's just meditate a little bit right now.
(humming)
- Yeah, maybe we'll go around the room
and each release something.
- Sounds great.
(humming)
Reflectionism.
- Being on a first name basis with different
insects in my apartment.
- LA traffic.
- Having to buy a gift for my assistant
that normally purchases the gifts that I give out.
It's like,
who picks out your gift?
- Yeah, part of me kind of,
wants to fuck with you guys a little.
- Okay.
Okay, I think we're done.
- That's a real one I can resonate with.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's just remember that one.
I can tell you're just in a deep need
of relaxation and luckily for you, I mean,
we're in an era where there's just so many
different ways to relax.
There's so many different options,
especially here in LA.
You got so many things you can do.
You can hike.
You can meditate.
Yoga.
There's all types of exercise.
And if that doesn't work for ya,
there's always weed.
- Weed is a great relaxer.
Even when Bob Marley, they told him he had cancer,
he just said, "Whatever," and died.
- Sure, there are a lot of problems in the world.
A lot of famine.
A lot of murder.
But it's also, like, there's cartoons and shit,
and we could be watchin' them.
- That's a good point.
It's crazy to think how many cartoons
are out there and that we're not watching
them at all times.
- Mhm.
Or, I'm a firm believer, if, uh,
every TV that has the news on like at an airport
or something, if you just turned it
and then put it on like the Muppet Babies or something,
the whole world would be a lot less stressed.
- [Theo] 100%.
- We wouldn't know what was going on, but,
who cares?
- Hm.
Yeah, the problem with Muppet Babies is it never,
you don't know what happened next, you know?
- [Ron] Yeah, yeah.
- I just assumed that Muppet Babies became the Muppets.
- Oh yeah.
Damn.
(soft music)
I fuckin' love weed, dude.
- Well a lot of your issues stem from the fact
that you lost something that was very important to you,
a dream of yours.
But, I'm here to tell you that you can have
all types of dreams and that's what
we're gonna work on today.
We're gonna build a little dream board.
Come up with some new goals
to help you refocus.
You cool with that?
- Yeah.
(upbeat music)
- Side boob.
- Okay, well I want to encourage you to think
a little bit outside the boob.
- I'll save this for home, okay?
- Now, when it comes to pickin' the right picture,
to go on your vision board,
you gotta make sure it's something
that speaks to you directly.
- [Theo] Look what I got.
- [Josh] Poodles.
- Twin poodles.
- I got me a cruise ship 'cause I wanna go on a cruise.
- Okay.
We're leaving a little stress already.
- [Theo] Ooh.
A Bulgari emerald and diamond necklace.
- Ooh, that would look good on you.
- Thanks.
- It's fun to do crafts together as men.
- Yeah people forget how much fun this
kind of stuff is, man.
Lowkey, yolked out fellas.
- And they don't get it.
They're like, "Oh what are you guys up doing?
"You're out at the club, you're out drinking,
"you're out at the race track."
It's like, no, I'm out making dreams with my friends.
Coming up with goals.
That's what we're about.
- How do you feel Josh?
- Less stressed.
This helped.
- Yeah.
Envisioning stuff is fun, man, but I think
maybe we light into a couple of massages, bruh.
Like some true gentlemen, you know.
Like some adults.
You know, nothing crazy.
Like make your own pizza kind of thing?
You had 'em before?
- Uh yeah.
- And who was the person?
Do you remember who they were, what they looked like?
- Uh.
I think their name was Tim.
(laughing)
- He sounds like a good person.
- Yeah, you gotta remember, if a man touches
your body like that, it's helpful to remember their name.
They prefer it.
- [Theo] Yeah.
- Probably.
- Yeah, I remember the man that touched me.
Dale.
- [Ron] That's beautiful.
- So let's get this--
- [Ron] Are you still thinking about it?
- I don't know what I'm thinking about, man.
(laughing)
I wish I had a vision board in my head right now.
Yeah, we should get one man.
We should get a massage.
Massage?
- Massage.
- Mhm.
- Man, you got a lot more body than I thought.
(soft music)
You feel that full pressure?
- [Josh] Mhm.
♪ I am most happy ♪
- [Theo] How you feelin' playa?
- [Josh] Good.
♪ On the quicksand ♪
♪ Things change rapidly ♪
♪ With an-- ♪
- [Ron] Theo.
- Yep?
- You gotta get those thighs, man.
- Gang, gang, bro.
I get it.
(clearing throat)
Alright.
- Now we're talkin'.
- Right there in the dorsal, huh?
- Yeah, now you workin'.
- [Theo] Oh, that's that old polis
birthday party right there.
- Don't be afraid of that butt meat.
- Give him that old American Werewolf in Paris, bro.
Like that.
- Make that a loaf of bread.
What you got?
What is he, rye?
Sourdough?
What is he?
- He might be that cinnamon raisin, baby.
- Ooh.
- [Theo] You know what I'm sayin'
- Yeah.
Good for breakfast or lunch.
- Oh yeah.
- That's your old television.
- My turn, brother.
I got next, man.
(soft music)
♪ I am most happy ♪
♪ Playing in the quicksand ♪
♪ Things change rapidly ♪ (laughing)
Marco.
- [Josh] Polo.
- Marco.
- Polo.
♪ With an ever so slight ♪ - Marco!
Oh, I got you! (laughing)
- You got me, dude.
- Wanna go get some ice cream?
- [Josh] Ice cream?
Yeah. - Yeah.
(laughing)
Now rollerblading is one of the lamest things
that you can do, but for some reason when you're high,
it's fuckin' awesome.
It's really just like trying to walk around
in wheeled feet.
(laughing)
We had fun.
We got wild.
I mean, we wore helmets, but,
we acted like we didn't.
(laughing) (upbeat music)
Good job, pal.
Good job, Josh.
You had a good time today?
- Oh yeah.
- Cool man.
How do you feel?
- Less stressed.
- Honestly, so long as you're just spending time
with other people.
- It's true.
- You know, and a lot of things you were
talking about before, it didn't really include those things,
you know?
- Yeah.
- I mean, traffic's a sedentary environment.
You know, beating metal with a bat.
That's something you do by yourself.
Masturbation.
That's usually something you do alone
unless you're a part of a club or synchronized group.
It's funny man.
Something when you get out and about
and get going with other people,
you know, if we quit listening to the voice in our heads,
sometimes that voice can be so stressed out
and we just listen to somebody else.
That calm, passive, beautiful dark dolphin himself.
Only one thing left to do.
- What's that?
- [Theo] I feel like I'm just pettin' a bubble bath.
- [Ron] Ooh you strong but gentle, I like it.
Oh yeah boy.
Ooh, I had a dream that started just like this.
Yeah.
- Today was a lesson in that you have to open up
to let the stress out.
So how are you gonna open up?
Well, you can dream board.
You can go look for treasure with your cousin.
You can swim.
You could eat ice cream with somebody from
another country.
A lot of different options.
But try one.
Josh did, and look what happened to him.
He had a good day.
Your comfort zone can be your coffin.
I'm Theo Vaughn.
Thank you for listening.