How does a narcissist test their victim?. What do narcissists look for in a victim?.
How do they kind of run a little test before they decide who they're into?. That's what we're talking about today at QueenBeeing.com.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and CPTSDfoundation.org). My name is Angie Atkinson and on
this channel, I offer free, daily video coaching to help you discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. I like to call it toxic relationship rehab.
So if that sounds good to you, hit that Subscribe button
and let's get going. Exactly what steps does a narcissist take during testing for a new victim? They choose victims and then they go on
to charm them, seduce them,
push them, mold them, put them into their little victim box, right?
Narcissist - because they're not capable of normal human love, they love people for what they do for them as opposed to who they are.
One of the things that they do is they feel very angry and frustrated
at people who enjoy life, because they, even though they seem to enjoy their lives, generally don't. Of course
I'm not talking about specifically material things.
A lot of narcissists have plenty of material things, not all of them,
but a lot of them do. I'm talking about deeper things, like empathy, like sensitivity, goals,
creativity, different things that you want to do with your life, passions.
A lot of the time, narcissus will go after someone who have a strong passion or a strong fire inside of them,
but as we all know narcissus have a way of switching from the amazing, light seeming, fun to be around
person that we first met to becoming
incredibly critical, very dismissive of people they claim to love and of course this just feeds our
confusion and our self-doubt.
So what traits are narcissists looking for in a victim. The first qualities a
narcissist will look for in a victim is someone who might have some vulnerabilities, someone who has had
previous experiences that were negative in the human field.
Let me just give you an example from television.
If you've ever seen this show called How I Met Your Mother, there's a character on the show played by Neil Patrick Harris called
Barney Stinson. This character, while he's hilarious and I can't deny enjoying him because he's so outrageous and because I know in real
NPH is gay and he plays such a good womanizer. This character though is the epitome of a narcissist,
so one of the things that Barney Stinson looks for in a woman is what?, daddy issues, which ironically,
Barney himself has daddy issues. As the show goes on, this is revealed to the audience.
He looks for a woman who has been broken, had issues in the past because of something with her father and then he comes in
and swoops in and does his whole a narcissistic love-bombing thing, although his, are shorter efforts usually because he's a womanizer.
So the thing that you have to know is that people who are
attractive to narcissists often have some underlying issues like that,
parent issues
or they've been bullied in school or something like that
and this has caused them to become very sensitive people and has caused them to want to please the people they do care about and
often because people who have been treated this way may find themselves kind of
downgrading from what they could have, that makes many sense. When narcissists see someone who's vulnerable
emotionally because of previous abuse as someone who is easier to glom on to and they can sort of
temporarily help raise that person's self-esteem, while at the same time in their minds kind of getting in on somebody who's really too good for
them, but the victim thinks they're not too good because they've been abused and taught otherwise, does that makes sense?,
but why do we fall for it then?. Cause we doubt our worthiness,
it's because we don't believe that we are good enough or that we are worth anything that they are able to get to us,
it's what makes us vulnerable to
narcissists.
The next quality that I'd like to share with you is how, when a narcissist is trying to choose a victim,
they're looking for someone who is gonna be dependable, someone who's gonna always be ready to help them anytime they need them.
So people who are prime choice victims, they're people who tend to be
joiners or helpers, you know if they see somebody in pain they want to help that person and that's
unfortunately something that an empath naturally does. When you're an empath you naturally want to help anyone that you see who needs help, so a
narcissist picks up on that. Another thing that we are that might shock you is a lot of us have a little bit of
perfectionism in us and now we might not have perfect this or perfect that, but there's something about us that is
perfectionistic and one of the most common perfectionist areas that we have as people who are
attractive to narcissist - our perfectionism falls where we need to help people
in a perfect way, so we might often keep kind of a low profile, we're kind of the behind-the-scenes people,
we don't want to overshadow our friends and colleagues, we want to lift them up,
we don't want to stand in front of them. This of course brings me to my next point.
They want someone who will take personal responsibility for everything, even things they didn't do and someone who will work really hard for them.
So they're looking for someone to be
responsible, hard worker, someone who will always comply with whatever
assignment they get from the narcissist. So they might test you in little ways, like they might be like, oh here's 20 bucks,
go to the store and get me this side of the other thing, and if you go, Oh, don't worry about it, I got it.
Number one, you passed the little narcissists test cause you're willing to spend your own money. Number two,
you don't even think about the fact that they just asked you to go to the store when you just told them you worked all
day in your backyard, see what I'm saying?.
So that kind of stuff and then the last quality that I'm going to share with you today is kind of surprising,
but it's true, above-average intelligence.
Yeah, they look for the smart people, how about that?, and on the same token, they look for good-looking people. Now
I know you're like "I'm not good-looking",
well
you know what?, you are good-looking and even if you don't think that you're good-looking, someone does. Narcissists look for very smart, intelligent,
bright, lights, they look for people who are very skilled, very trained, very focused, people who you know have enthusiasm,
people who are passionate, people who have a lot to say, a lot to do, people who other people are attracted to, okay?,
narcissus don't want to be with someone who can walk around looking freaky or scary or weird.
They want to be with someone who makes them look good
and if you have high intelligence and you have cheery personality and la la la la, you're perfect for a narcissist.
So I know you're sitting here and you're going well, I'm tired all the time, I'm exhausted,
I'm depressed and sad and I don't do my hair anymore or whatever, well, that's because you're with a narcissist honey,
you have to give yourself a minute and you have to think back to what you were when you met the
narcissist. They may have taken you from feeling really good about yourself to feeling really bad about yourself,
but somewhere inside of you there is a person who is
beautiful and bright and intelligent and smart and ready to move forward in her life or his life
and if this is you, this is why you were chosen by the narcissist. You have to remember,
narcissists are all looking to feed their ego, they want attractive people,
they want to get a prize or a trophy person.
They have very little respect for weakness
and honestly,
they have no interest in someone that just anyone could get their hands on.
They want someone that they have to reach up to get, they don't want to reach forward,
they don't want to reach down, they want to reach up, do you understand what I mean?.
Narcissists are always looking for a better supply even when they found someone amazing. That's not your fault, it's nothing to do with you,
it's not that you're not a good supply.
It's just that maybe you have too much independence for them, too much self-respect.
The narcissist needs other people too the envious of the person they obtain as their supply,
that's why a lot of times they come on real strong in the beginning and they offer you this romance like
you've never seen
before, it's the love-bombing phase and that's why a lot of times when you get with a narcissist, one of the things that you hear
over and over again is, "oh my god, they're too good to be true because they are my friend"
So once a narcissist picks their target,
they'll stop at nothing until they get that person. The bigger the challenge, the harder the work and the more they
trash you, the more they tear you down. Once they've obtained you,
they're mad at you for making them work that hard, if you're a hard-to-get type of person.
Here's the biggest thing, the ultimate ego boost for a narcissist is to take someone who's independent and self-sufficient,
strong and make them completely
dependent,
completely controlled. Of course if you dump the narcissist after all of that,
it just makes them try harder and every single time they convince you to take them back,
it's sort of like another little notch on a little narcissist belt. Just remember, you don't deserve it,
it's not your fault. Now that you know how a narcissist test their victim,
you know what you need to do to fix that, don't you?.
What you need to do is have confidence, love yourself unconditionally and accept nothing less than you deserve. You
don't know what you deserve, sit down and think about it for a while and try to figure out what your deal-breakers
are in a relationship. What will you accept? What will you not accept? That's the question of the day.
The question of the day is, what are your deal-breakers going to be from now on in a relationship with a person,
so that you know for sure that you're not allowing yourself to be taken advantage or abused?. Share your thoughts,
share your ideas, share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it. Really quickly,
I just want to offer a shout out to my channel members, I love you guys.
Thank you so much for being part of my mission and helping me get a little further with helping people discover, understand and overcome
narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. It just means more to me than I can say.
Thank you so much,
sincerely.
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