Hi there! Well it's the time of year where the sun is out
the days are long
and the Tendril People from Bloobus 7
require barbequed food to sustain them before the great hibernation
So in that vein I thought I'd walk all you humans out there through cooking a barbeque for our alien chums
So first on the menu, is home made Blorf burgers
Now this, is a Blorf
Hullo
Handsome little fellow isn't he?
*Handsome blink*
So you're gonna want to pop him into your Blargomatic 3000
Turned to the coarse ground setting
and then press start
*powering up*
*consider yourself minced*
And hey presto! Blorf mince!
So I personally prefer a digital mincer like this when compared to your traditional earth mincer
as it's just quicker and cleaner and you get that lovely pixelated after taste
now we just add the mince to our burger press
*yummy yum yum*
And then press our own burgers
and you're probably going to need at least one blorf per burger
*delicious disc of meat*
so the burgers are made, now for the sausages!
So we're going to take the X0P-902 parasite
*cute little parasite noises*
and inject it directly into our side
*didn't feel a thing*
Just need to wait for a few moments for the parasite to latch and do its job
*exciting metamorphosis sounds*
*don't worry*
*he's probably fine*
So the parasite has now embedded itself
and mutated my DNA and in the process I have gained a Sausage Flap
So we just lift up the flap
Push really hard
*sausy emerges*
And the sausages start coming out
*tasty human pork*
And then each person's sausage will taste unique to their personality
Mine for example taste just, really quite bland...
Quite a few people have remarked on how
eating one of these sausages reminds them of a conversation with me
and they're quite hard to swallow as well
Now we need a vegetarian option for all of your herbivore alien pals
So we're gonna take this Spunch, which is essentially a kind of space marrow
and we're gonna grill slices of it on the BBQ
but first, we'll need to remove its little lodger
this, is a Hermster
*gasp*
*hermster hides*
and we just need to lure him out with a little treat
I'm not coming out!
So we leave an opened jar of chutney nearby
*peekaboo*
And the little fellow will pop his head out of the hole
Is that chutney?
And then, we grab him!
Oh he's got me!
There we go
*check out those sweet hermster gams*
Sorry to take your home little fellow
you piece of cr*p
It's okay, they're resilient things, he'll find a home elsewhere
you're a piece of cr*p
Son just remember to wash all of the hermster droppings out from the inside of the spunch
before you slice it up ready for the BBQ
Oooooh
He must have been in here a long time
It's a mess in here
and finally, we have our BBQ centrepiece
this telepathic whisper quid
*spooky squid whisperings*
So called because
I hate you! And so do your parents!
It can do that
You're ugly, you look like some diarrhea
Wait can you actually hear that?
Your nose is rubbish! It's tiny like a bean!
because it's quite mean
you smell really bad
like a dog's ball bag
so what we do, is we take the live squid and we put it straight on the BBQ!
What!?
*Sizzle*
Ah! There we go!
I hate you!
So once the squid has stopped writhing and it's cooked for 30 minutes
We can then add on the other BBQ food and begin to cook that as well
He will, I just need to tell you something
Yeah sure
Come closer so I can whisper it to you
Okay fine
Wait, you're telepathic, why do I need to be closer!?
I'm gonna grab you with my tentacles!
*Grilled Will*