Hey everyone, Daniel here from Next Level Life and welcome to part 4 of our review of
Robert Greene’s book “Mastery.”
If you missed part 3 where we talked about the mentor-apprentice dynamic, you can find
a link to it as well as a link to the rest of the series in the description below or
by clicking on the card in the upper right hand corner of this video.
Today we’re going to be talking about social intelligence.
And as you can see its going to be a little bit of a larger topic that some of the previous
parts because social intelligence is probably one of the most underdeveloped of the intelligences.
And often one of the greatest obstacles on our path to mastery comes in the form of dealing
with the resistance and even manipulations of the people around us.
We seem to almost constantly be misreading the intentions of other people and as a result
we react in ways that cause either confusion or conflict.
And as a result of that, it seems as if every workplace has its own form of political battles
going on at all times.
And it can get really stressful!
But why is this?
Why do we have such a difficult time reading people?
Because there was a time when our ancestors did not have the benefit of language but still
had to be able to work together very well in order to survive.
And they did.
But somewhere along the way we lost some of that ability.
Today most of us experience the world from what Robert Green calls the naive perspective.
He claims that this perspective is rooted in the very way we are raised.
See compared to other animals humans enter the world remarkably weak and helpless and
we remain so for much longer than many other animals.
As a result in our youth our survival depends on the strength and reliability of our parents.
And we come to see them as being more strong and capable and selfless than they actually
are in reality.
It's only natural to do this.
In fact having this naive perspective is actually kind of a good thing because if we didn't
see our parents in that light when we're young we would become incredibly anxious all the
time.
However this period of idealizing our parents doesn't last forever.
It often ends in our teenage years when we begin to see the difference between what we
imagined our parents to be and what they actually are.
In our disappointment we often tend to exaggerate the negative qualities of our parents during
that time.
Viewing the world through this emotional lens turns into a habit after doing it for so many
years and it carries over into the Working World.
The naive perspective also makes us more sensitive and vulnerable.
And we often project our childhood fantasies on to our co-workers or even bosses.
That’s the reason that so many people become either unnecessarily adoring or perhaps more
commonly fearful of authority figures.
It doesn't make for the best relationships and often causes some problems that could
easily be avoided.
For example if you walk into your boss's office and hand him a project that you just finished
after working on it for several hours and he's very grumpy what are you going to think?
For most of us it's probably going to be wondering whether he's upset that we took so long to
finish the project or if he's not happy with the project itself.
As a result we're likely to get a little bit more defensive or at least on edge.
And this effect can be Amplified depending on how secure you feel your job is at the
time.
Think of just how much more stressed you would feel if a couple of other people have been
laid off recently.
But one thing to notice is just how self-absorbed seeing the world through this lens can make
us.
It's quite possible that our boss was not grumpy with anything that we did at all and
it was in fact a minor problem that he had at home.
Or maybe someone cut him off in traffic on the way to work that day, we don't know.
But because we're focusing so much on what's going on inside our own heads we're not able
to figure out what's going on inside the other person's mind.
We can't get any further than this person looks kind of grumpy right now.
And in situations like that we're usually not comfortable enough to ask what's going
on.
And at its core that's what social intelligence is.
It's having the ability to move past our usual self absorption.
Because then we can learn to focus deeply on others and read their behavior in the moment.
We can see what motivates them and discern any possible manipulative Tendencies that
may be present and therefore we will have much more time and energy left over to focus
on learning and acquiring skills that will help us to achieve success.
I think this is best Illustrated by the story of Benjamin Franklin.
In 1718 Benjamin Franklin, dreaming of one day becoming a great writer went to work as
an apprentice at his brother's printing shop.
This would allow him to be surrounded all day by plenty of examples of good writing
from which he could study and learn.
It was the perfect position for him.
And after several years of letting his skills grow all he needed was an opportunity to get
discovered.
And to his Delight in 1722 he got just that as his brother was about to launch his own
large-scale newspaper called the New England Courant.
Naturally Benjamin approached his brother with several ideas for great stories however
to his surprise his brother didn't want them.
Now Benjamin’s brother James was notorious for being a pointless person to argue with
so Benjamin decided to take a different approach.
He decided to create a fictional character who would write letters to the Courant.
Benjamin figured that if you wrote them well enough they would have to be printed and in
this way he would have the last laugh.
And he was partially right the letters did in fact get published but when Benjamin finally
confronted his brother to tell him what he had done his brother was not very happy to
say the least.
He did not like being lied to and to make matters worse he became increasingly cold
and even abusive towards Benjamin over the next few months making it impossible to work
for him.
It got so bad that Benjamin actually left Boston turning his back on his brother and
his family.
He went to Philadelphia and soon found himself a job at one of those local printing shops
working for a man named Samuel keimer.
Now at this time Philadelphia's Governor William Keith had turned the colony of Pennsylvania
into a sort of cultural Hub and he wasn't very happy with the two established printing
businesses in town at the time.
But he did hear about Benjamin's writing talents and set up a meeting with him after which
he urged Benjamin to start his own printing business.
Keith promised to lend Benjamin the initial amount of money that was needed to get the
business going because the machines and materials would have to come from London.
Benjamin couldn't believe his luck only a few months earlier he was a menial apprentice
and now he was on the verge of becoming the owner of his own printing business and this
all happened before he had even turned 20.
After being assured that letters of credit would be waiting for him when he disembarked
in England Benjamin set sail, oh and he didn't tell keimer that he was leaving either by
the by.
But when he arrived in England there were no letters waiting for him.
He felt like there must have been some kind of miscommunication frantically looked in
London for a representative of the governor to whom he could explain their agreements.
He later learned that Governor Keith was a notorious talker, always promising everything
to everyone trying to impress people with his power but his schemes would rarely last
more than a week.
Benjamin Had badly misread Keith and now he was alone and with no money far away from
home.
Now fortunately for him London was filled with large-scale printing shops and in within
a few weeks Benjamin was able to get a job.
But unfortunately not everything was coming up unicorns and rainbows for him at the job.
While he did like his co-workers and got along with everyone just fine he didn't always follow
the customs that they had on the job.
For instance 5 times a day his fellow printers will take a break to drink a pint of beer.
it fortified them for work or so they said.
And as a result every week Benjamin was expected to contribute to the Beer fund but he refused
because he didn't like to drink during working hours and the idea that he should give up
a part of his hard-earned wages for others to ruin their health made him angry.
He figured the best policy was to speak honestly about his principles and they politely accepted
his decision however over the ensuing weeks strange things began to happen around the
office: mistakes began popping up in text that Benjamin had already proof read and almost
every day he noticed some new error for which he was being blamed.
If this continued for much longer he would probably be fired.
Clearly someone was sabotaging his work but when he complained about it to his fellow
colleagues they attributed it all to this mischievous ghost who was known haunt the
printing room.
Which is a really ridiculous excuse but that was kind of the point because Benjamin finally
managed to figure out what this meant.
It was all about the beer.
So Benjamin gave up his principles and contributed to the Beer fund and funnily enough the mistakes
suddenly disappeared along with the ghost.
And eventually Benjamin did pay for his trip back to the States, but there's a couple of
things that I want to point out to you here.
Benjamin was constantly misreading people due to his naive perspective.
In the first example he wanted to be praised by his brother when he revealed his authorship
of the letters but instead his brother was really angry about being lied to.
He assumed that William Keith (a man who he had literally just met) would keep to his
word of giving Benjamin a start-up loan for his printing business and set sail for London
without doing any research on Keith as a person beforehand.
He was so caught up in his dreams that he paid no attention to the obvious sign that
the governor was all talk.
Again they had just met.
And think back to that last example, up until the co-workers talked about the ghost what
would you have thought if you were in Benjamin's shoes?
In all likelihood it would be something along the lines of They're sabotaging your work
because they don't like you or because they're jealous or because they want your job.
It's kind of the natural thing to think when your work is clearly being sabotaged for no
apparent reason.
After all Benjamin got along with his co workers up until this point.
But he was assuming this based off of the idea that everyone is motivated by the same
things that he is which is just...
well naive.
Upon returning to the states Benjamin decided to break this naive pattern he'd been living
with once and for all.
He decided that in all of his future interactions with people he would force himself to take
an initial step backward and not get emotional before reacting himself.
He also decided to adopt a new philosophy of complete and radical acceptance of human
nature.
Because people are all different some are frivolous like Keith was or a little bit vindictive
like his brother was or just a little bit rigid like some of the printers were but it's
futile to try and change them it's only going to make them bitter and resentful.
Benjamin decided that it was better to accept the people as they are and plan your reactions
accordingly.
There are many great examples of this throughout Franklin's later life but there are two that
I'm going to focus on here today.
The first came shortly after he arrived back in the States and retook his job at the printing
press working for Samuel keimer, the same guy that if you'll remember he left high and
dry earlier.
Now right from the beginning Franklin could tell that something felt off.
Keimer had been acting very strangely much friendlier than usual.
By Nature he was an insecure and kind of prickly personality and this friendly front just didn't
fit him at all especially after what Benjamin had done earlier.
Just has Benjamin Had promised himself he took an initial step back and put himself
in kymers shoes.
From kymer's perspective he could sense that he must have really resented Franklin sudden
departure for London and understandably so.
He must have seen Franklin as one of those young whippersnappers who needed their comeuppance.
But he was not the type to discuss this with anyone he would scheme from within.
And thinking this way Keimer’s intentions became clear to Franklin. he was planning
to get Franklin to impart his extensive knowledge of the business to the new employees that
Kiemer had recently hired and then fire him.
this would be Keimer’s Revenge.
After realizing this Franklin decided to quietly turn the tables on him.
He built relationships with customers and connected with several successful merchants
in the area and experimented with some of the new manufacturing methods he had learned
while in London.
As well as teaching himself some new skills while Kaymer was away from the shop.
He cultivated one of the employees he was training into a first-rate assistant and then
just before Kaymer was about to fire him Franklin left and set up his own shop with all the
financial backing that he needed as well as greater knowledge of the business, a first-rate
assistant and a solid customer base.
Now it might be concluded from Franklin story that social intelligence requires a detached
almost emotionless approach to people making life rather dull in the process but that's
not true.
Franklin himself was actually a very emotional man and he did not repress that nature instead
he turned his emotions in the opposite direction.
Again instead of obsessing over himself and what other people weren't giving him he thought
deeply of how they were experiencing the world and what they were feeling in missing and
giving them what they needed.
Emotions seen inside of other people creates empathy and brings a deep understanding of
what makes them tick for Franklin this gave him a feeling of lightness and ease and was
hardly dull it was just a life that was free from unnecessary battles.
And if there's one thing that I want anyone to take from this video it's to understand
this: the political battles and social stresses that we feel everyday whether at work or at
school or just in life in general are not necessary however we will continue to have
these problems until we come to the realization that our view of people is dominated by the
naive perspective.
And by following Franklin's example and by making ourselves aware of the distorting process
of this naive perspective we will naturally grow less comfortable with it.
We’ll realize that we're really operating in the dark blind to other people's motivations
and intentions.
We'll feel our lack of real connection to other people and naturally a desire will emerge
from within to change this Dynamic to start looking outward instead of focusing on only
our own feelings.
Just think of how many of the world's problems could be solved if we could only learn to
observe before we react.
And to truly accept others.
So that’ll do it for part 4.
If you learned something from this video and liked what you saw be sure to subscribe and
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channel.
Coming up in part 5 we’ll be looking at the three stages of the mind and what role
each of them plays in attaining mastery.
But until then everyone, thanks for watching and have a great day!