For dinner tonight,
you are being treated
to the tasting menu of a lifetime.
The periodic table of elements.
The periodic table is how
we organize all the known elements.
Those are substances
with only one type of atom.
And they cannot be divided
into any simpler substances.
Out of the 118 elements
that make up the periodic table,
some have similar properties.
Some behave in similar ways.
And some don't even exist naturally.
20 of them need to be created
in laboratories
because of how unstable they are.
So if you're feeling adventurous,
it's time to add
some chemistry to your diet.
But you could be risking
a lot more than an upset stomach.
You're tasting menu would
begin with the elements
that are the basic building blocks
of your body.
As the waiter would explain,
the chef has prepared
these six elements in proportion to you.
So enjoy your dish of 65% oxygen,
18.5% hydrogen, 3.2% nitrogen,
1.5% calcium and 1% phosphorus.
For your next dish,
the waiter would bring you
a small assortment of elements
that your body relies on to function.
Please enjoy your six bite-sized portions
of sodium, potassium, magnesium,
selenium, iron and copper.
Lucky for you,
these are all completely safe to eat.
Unless you eat too much.
Especially, copper.
You'd notice that the flavor has notes
of acidity, bitterness and saltiness.
Maybe you'd like it enough
that you'd request some more.
"Please, sir."
That would be a big mistake.
Now you'd experience a low-level
amount of copper toxicity,
which could lead to kidney failure,
brain damage or even death
if you don't stop eating right away.
Then the waiter
would bring over the next course
of several non-reactive elements
with a fancy name, the noble gases.
Inside odorless and colorless
tasting tubes
are helium and argon.
This course would be a lot of fun.
With each sip of helium gas,
you'd find your voice
sounding strange and high-pitched.
This would be amusing for a bit.
But you'd start to feel light-headed.
"I really shouldn't be doing this."
That's because all this helium
would be displacing
the oxygen that your brain needs.
When your waiter arrived
with the next dish,
they would introduce it
with a peculiar warning.
Antimony could make
you need to use the restroom.
This semi-metal was used as a laxative
in medieval times.
After your quick bathroom break,
it's time for the smelly course.
Are you ready to be
grossed out by the smells
of sulfur, selenium and livermorium?
Well, you'd be surprised to find out
that these elements alone
don't smell like anything.
Sulfur and selenium
only smell like rotten eggs or garlic
when combined with hydrogen.
And scientists haven't yet produced
the livermorium hydrogen compound,
so we don't know what it smells like.
But it's a highly unstable
and radioactive element.
So eat it quick.
Your waiter would now warn you
that the rest of the dishes
are not safe for consumption.
But you're feeling a little risky.
So you go for it anyway.
To start your deadly dose of dishes,
you'd have mercury.
You wouldn't notice
any immediate effects
because symptoms of mercury
poisoning like tremors,
poor memory and difficulty walking
take a long time to develop.
Next, two tiny portions of radium
and the noble gas radon.
These elements are radioactive.
And prolonged exposure
could result in lung or bone cancer.
Good thing your portions are small
because you could also experience
nausea and increased
heart rate from acute radiation sickness.
Finally, you've reached
the last course of the evening.
And the last course of your entire life.
You'd try a little of the tasteless
and odorless arsenic.
This would immediately cause nausea,
bleeding and diarrhea.
It could also lead to a painful death
in only a few hours.
And you'd also get a taste
of reactive elements
like francium and fluorine.
These are dangerous.
Francium would react
with the water on your tongue
and explode in your mouth.
Literally.
And fluorine is so corrosive
and flammable that it would burn
nearly everything
it comes into contact with.
Especially you.
So that's where you're tasting menu ends.
Sadly you didn't get all the elements.
Some of them wouldn't
be able to exist in a kitchen anyway.
You'd need to visit a lab
in order to experience
some of the most unstable ones.
While some of the elements
could kill you after one bite,
there are many elements
that you wouldn't
be able to live without.
Like carbon.
What if we took away all the carbon
for only five seconds?
Well, I'll leave that story
for another WHAT IF.