Signs that he will cheat again.
My name is Coach Natalie and I'm a relationship coach, and I've dedicated my life to helping
people like you answer mega questions like this: What are the signs that he might cheat
again?
After working with thousands of clients through out the course of my career, there are a couple
of signs that I've put together for this video that I think might be really, really helpful
for you in answering this question.
Sign number one: if the first time he cheated he denied it to the bone and the only reason
he told you he cheated was because you found out in some other way, that's a humungous
indicator that he may not carry a sense of guilt or accountability that is needed to
prevent him from cheating again.
If he denied, denied, denied and only admitted what he did because he was put into a corner
and proven guilty, that tells me that the only reason he's upset is because you found
out and not because he truly genuinely feels guilty for what he did.
If when you approached him he continued to deny, to me again, there is a humungous red
flag waving here.
And it's important for you to know that so that you can ask yourself whether or not this
is something you want to continue working on and committing to.
Second sign that he might cheat again: he justified it.
If he's justifying his cheating saying it's because "You're too this, you're too that,
if you were more like this I never would have cheated," that is another sign to me that
he just doesn't feel the remorse that is so needed in order to prevent you from cheating
again.
If he doesn't genuinely see that what he did was wrong, or that it deeply hurts the relationship
and its likelihood of success, then it's unlikely that he's going to change his behavior.
Because people change because they're inspired to change, not because they have no choice.
That's not what makes change stick.
He's not going to stop cheating just because it bothers you, he's going to stop cheating
because it bothers him.
Because it's something that he deeply disagrees with, or at least eventually discovers is
wrong.
And so if he justifies why he did it, that tells me as a relationship coach that he might
do it again, and I think that it's another sign that I think is important for you to consider
Sign number three: he doesn't acknowledge how much this hurts you.
Again, I think that this goes back to justification that if he's unable to say, "Holy smoke, why
would I do this to someone I love so much?
How could I do this to her?"
That tells me that he doesn't feel empathy and he doesn't acknowledge how important treating
you well is and how important not treating you badly is.
If he can't see that his actions directly influence your experience in this relationship,
then the only perspective he's considering is his own.
He's not considering your perspective.
He's not considering how this makes you feel.
And without knowing how much it hurts you, why would he be motivated to change the behavior?
Why would he be motivated or inspired to be better for you, to be better for himself if
he's unable to identify that he's hurting things, hurting people, breaking hearts?
I think that's another enormous sign that he might do it again, he's not acknowledging
your feelings, he may not even deeply considering just how wounded you are, and as a relationship
coach, you know, empathy is such a significant part of what it means to be connected to somebody.
It's so important for me to put myself into your shoes, for you to put yourself into my
shoes.
Let's walk in each other's shoes, let's learn how the other is experiencing this relationship
because that's such a humungous component of what love is.
It's such an important factor in keeping relationships alive.
And this for obvious reasons goes way outside of infidelity, it goes to even the tiniest
little things.
Me not putting my clothes away and how that disrupts the flow of your day, how that disrupts
your experience in our home is huge.
And me changing or adjusting something because I want to be better for you is important.
Him changing something because he wants to be better for me, for you, is important.
We want to be better for our partners, we want to grow, we want to learn, we want love.
And all of those things are a big part of what love is.
So I think that if you see these signs, if he's denying, if he's not showing remorse,
if he's justifying his actions, if he's not even acknowledging your pain or frustration,
those to me are humungous signs that he might be cheating again.
And it's important to consider what that means for you.
Do you want to continue investing in this, running the risk that he might do it again,
do you believe that maybe if you express yourself in a different way, he might understand and
then change?
What are the variables that are in your control and what are the variables that are not in
your control?
A lot of the ones that I've listed are not in your control.
His ability to develop empathy has very little to do with you, has so much more to deal with
him.
And so I would really identify what it is that you can work on and what you can contribute
to to make the relationship better.
Him denying or justifying his behavior, those are his problems, not your problems.
That's a "him" issue, and not a "you" issue.
And so if it's not a "you" issue, there's nothing you can do other than choose to stay
or choose to go.
That's the choice you get, that's the variable within your control.
So choose it wisely.
I'd love to hear about what it is that you're going through.
I invite you to leave a comment under this video.
Let us know if he's been cheating.
Let us know how you found out, let us know if he's changing, let us know everything!
The more you share with us, the more we can help you along the way.
I invite you to visit HAPPILYCOMMITTED.COM.
We have so many blog articles, tips, and tricks, and tools and ways for you to turn this relationship
around or just to determine if it's salvageable, if its serving you and if it's good for you
to continue working on.
My name is Coach Natalie ,this is HAPPILY COMMITTED, thank you so much for tuning in,
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