- Hmm, fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering.
Is that Yoda or Grover? (Grover popping)
Super Grover, hoo-hoo!
It's the same voice actor.
Anyways, I'm Jonathan Decker, The Movie Therapist.
And we're gonna talk about managing
your anger so that there's not suffering in the galaxy.
Restore balance to the force.
Let's do this.
(upbeat theatrical music)
All right, total confession, I adore "Star Wars."
I'm one of those nuts who recognizes
that there are flaws in the prequels,
that there are flaws in the sequels, and I don't even care.
I'm just like...
(laser guns firing)
(lightsaber whooshing)
But really, what I love most
about "Star Wars" is the themes.
The themes of redemption, the themes of love,
the themes of light versus dark,
and the themes of emotional control.
We see in the "Star Wars" prequels the character
of Anakin Skywalker (lightsaber whooshing)
ultimately consumed by his anger, which leads him to hate,
which leads to suffering on a wide scale.
But as Yoda says,
"Fear leads to anger," and not just fear.
Underneath all anger is actually a more vulnerable emotion.
If you think about it, anytime you are angry,
you are actually something else.
If your child is chasing a ball towards the street
and you yell at them to stop,
and you told them to stop over and over again, you're angry,
but you're actually scared.
You're scared, and maybe you feel disrespected
like they haven't been listening to you.
But you're probably scared.
If you call me ugly, I might get angry
even though you're right.
(sad dramatic music)
But the fact is, underneath my anger, I'm what?
This is like "Dora the Explorer."
I want you to talk to me through the channel.
"Hurt." (Dora popping)
"Very good."
And if you say, (laughing) "Muy bien!"
If you say I'm ugly in public,
I'm gonna get angry, but I'm probably embarrassed, right?
Underneath all anger is a vulnerable emotion.
In order to not destroy relationships through our anger,
through lashing out or withdrawing,
we need to express the vulnerable emotion underneath.
So we're gonna watch a moment here.
This is from "Attack of the Clones."
Anakin has been worried about his mother.
He hasn't seen her in 10 years, and he hears
that she's been kidnapped by the Tusken Raiders
so he goes out to find her and he finally finds her.
And then this happens.
Let's take a look.
(dramatic dark music)
(woman moaning) (ropes crinkling)
- Mom, mom. (Anakin gasping)
- Ani, is it you?
- I'm here mom, you're safe.
- Ani, Ani, oh you look so handsome.
- He gets a lot of crap for his acting,
but I think he's really good here.
- My son.
Oh, my grown up son.
I'm so proud of you Ani.
- I missed you.
- Now I am complete, I love...
- Stay with me mom, everything...
- I love... (wind whooshing)
- And that's it.
So all of you watching at home,
I want you to pay close attention
to how Anakin handles this.
And maybe you haven't gone so big before.
But we've all gone big before on some level or another.
(dark foreboding music)
(lightsaber whooshing) (animals roaring)
Ooh, off with their heads.
(lightsaber whooshing)
And later he says, "I killed them, I killed them all."
You watching at home, pretty clear, he's angry.
It's not just anger though, is it?
What is he actually feeling?
Grief, loss, helplessness.
And it manifests as anger.
In your life what manifests as anger
that should be manifest as vulnerability?
You see anger pushes people away.
Whether we lash out or we show our anger by withdrawing
and holding back and shutting down.
Either way it hurts our relationships.
What is needed?
Now in the case of I'm surrounded by sad people
who killed my mom and I've got a lightsaber maybe
that's a different situation. (lightsaber whooshing)
But in most of our relationships,
what is needed is not our anger.
It's our vulnerability.
It's our truth.
It's our honesty.
And what that looks like
is quite simple.
It's saying what you're feeling.
Oftentimes people say, "I feel,"
and then they go on to talk about what they're thinking.
I feel like we should go out
for pizza tonight, and here's why.
This pizza place has the best crust, duh, duh, duh.
Those aren't feelings.
Those are thoughts.
Expressing feeling is, "I'm scared.
I'm sad.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm stressed."
These are the things we express
because those emotions expressed.
Sure, it may not have 100% success rate
in bringing people closer,
but it's a lot more successful than lashing out in anger.
I hope that you found this lesson in anger
and vulnerability helpful.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering, but sadness also leads to anger.
Overwhelm leads to anger.
Stress leads to anger.
There are lots of things that do it.
Being hungry can lead to anger.
Instead of running
with your anger and feeling justified,
calm down, ask yourself what you're really feeling
and express that instead.
I'm Jonathan Decker, The Movie Therapist.
If you enjoyed this, check out our latest
on "Big Fish" and being faithful to your partner.
Link for that is below.
If you have tips for how to manage anger or how
to access that vulnerable emotion and share
that with other people,
leave them in the comments below.
If you have questions on anger management,
let's talk about it below.
We'd love to see your comments.
If you enjoy what we're doing here
at Mended Light, please Like, Subscribe and Share
with your friends (button dinging)
who do you know that loves "Star Wars"
or needs help with their anger.
If you enjoyed this video,
stay tuned for our next Movie Therapist's episode,
where I talk about Moana and trauma.
They almost rhyme.
So until next time, I'm Jonathan Decker,
the Movie Therapist here with Mended Light, signing off.
(upbeat happy music) (people whistling)