>>>
>>> WHEN
>>> WHEN IT COMES TO DISCIPLINING YOUR KIDS OR YOUR
GRANDKIDS, DO YOU GROUND THEM
OR PUT THEM IN TIMEOUT?
THIS MORNING WE LOOK AT A
DIFFERENT PARENTING PHILOSOPHY
CALLED POSITIVE DISCIPLINE.
HERE TO EXPLAIN CHIRSTY KEATING
FROM THE PARENTING BLOG.
AND YOU'RE HERE TO TELL US WHAT
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE IS.
>> IT IS A PHILOSOPHY THAT WAS
DEVELOPED BY A WOMAN NAMED
DOCTOR JAMES JANE NELSON AND IS
BASED ON THE IDEA THAT ALL
HUMANS CHILDREN AND ADULTS
ALIKE HAVE THIS FUNDAMENTAL
NEED TO HAVE A SENSE OF
BELONGING AND SIGNIFICANCE AND
THAT IS OUR JOB AS PARENTS TO
HELP CREATE THAT SENSE OF
BELONGING INSIGNIFICANCE IN OUR
CHILDREN.
CHILDREN.
CHILDREN. AND THAT THE WAY THAT WE DO
THAT IS THROUGH SHOWING MUTUAL
RESPECT TO OUR CHILDREN.
YOU KNOW BUILDING THAT KIND OF
A MUTUAL RESPECTFUL
RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM AND
PROVIDING THEM ENCOURAGEMENT
AND IT REALLY SORT OF BUCKS
TRADITION IN THE SENSE THAT WE
TRY NOT TO BE OVERLY
DICTATORIAL OR OVERLY
PERMISSIVE BUT REALLY STRIKE A
BALANCE BETWEEN THE TWO.
WHERE WE ARE HOLDING SPACE FOR
BEING BOTH KIND AND FIRM AT THE
SAME TIME.
SAME TIME. SO, WERE SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR
OUR KIDS BUT DOING SO IN A KIND
AND GENTLE WAY AND OFTEN IN A
COLLABORATIVE WAY.
COLLABORATIVE WAY. WITH OUR KIDS AND BY DOING THAT
WILL REALLY HELP THEM LEARN
WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF.
>> WHAT IS YOUR THOUGHT ON SOME
OF THE MORE PUNITIVE
TRADITIONAL WAYS OF GO TO YOUR
ROOM, A SPANKING, THAT KIND OF
THING.
THING.
THING. WHAT IS YOUR THOUGHT?
>> SO UNFORTUNATELY MANY OF US
WERE RAISED THAT WAY.
IT IS SORT OF THE TRADITIONAL
WISDOM BUT IT IS NOT SUPPORTED
BY THE SCIENCE.
AND MANY OF US NEED SOME NEW
TOOLS IN OUR TOOLBOX SO TO SPEAK
. THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF
PEDIATRICS CAME OUT THIS YEAR
FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1989.
AND THEY REVISE THEIR POLICY
STATEMENT ON DISCIPLINE AND SET
THE HARSH VERBAL DISCIPLINE OR
PUNISHMENT AND CORPORAL
PUNISHMENT ARE COMPLETELY OFF
THE TABLE OR SHOULD BE
COMPLETELY OFF THE TABLE AND
THOSE SORT OF LESSER THINGS
LIKE GROUNDING OR SENDING KIDS
TO THE ROOM OR YELLING AT THEM.
IT DOESN'T HELP CHILDREN
DEVELOP A REALLY HEALTHY SENSE
OF THEMSELVES AND A HEALTHY
RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WORLD SO.
>> I KNOW WHAT SOME PEOPLE ARE
THINKING RIGHT NOW.
I WAS SPANKED.
I CAME OUT FINE.
WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL OR MY KID
IS GOING TO RUN WILD WITH WHAT
WERE TALKING ABOUT.
HOW DO YOU RESPOND?
>> I HEAR THAT A LOT.
I GOT SPANKED HER MY MOM YELLED
AT ME AND THAT IS NOT TO SAY
THAT THOSE KIDS DO NOT TURN OUT
OKAY AND WE ARE NOT FUNCTIONING
AS ADULTS BUT THE BRAIN SCIENCE
IS REALLY PRETTY CLEAR AT THIS
POINT THAT FOR THE BEST OUTCOME
SOCIALLY, EMOTIONALLY,
SOCIALLY, EMOTIONALLY, COGNITIVELY HAVING THIS
AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING STYLE
AGAIN WERE HOLDING THAT KIND
AND FIRM AT THE SAME TIME
RESULTS IN THE BEST OUTCOMES
FOR OUR KIDS.
>> YOU MIGHT HAVE SURVIVED BUT
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WAS THE
BEST THING FOR YOU.
>> LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENS.
HAPPENS.
HAPPENS. THE CHILD IS BEHAVES AND HE
ASKED THEM TO DO SOMETHING AND
THEY HAVE DONE THE OPPOSITE.
NOW WHAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE.
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE. >> THE FIRST THING THAT I TEACH
PARENTS BOTH IN CLASSES AND
WITH MIKE COACHING CLIENTS IS
THE FIRST THING WE HAVE TO DO
IS MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE CALM.
WE CAN'T PARENT EFFECTIVELY
WHEN WE ARE STARTING TO LOSE IT
WHICH WE ALL DO.
>> AND THE FIRST THING WE TALK
ABOUT IS TAKING A DEEP BREATH
AND MAKING SURE THAT WE ARE
OKAY AND MAYBE IT IS ONE DEEP
BREATH OR 10.
>> AND IT IS OKAY SOMETIMES TO
TAKE A BREAK AND NOT ADDRESS
THE PROBLEM RIGHT AWAY AND SAY
I NEED 10 MINUTES OR I NEED AN
HOUR OR MAYBE A DATE BEFORE
GOING TO COME BACK AND DEAL
WITH THIS TRANSGRESSION.
>> AND THE SECOND THING WE NEED
TO DO WITH OUR KIDS IS REMEMBER
THE SENSE OF BELONGING
INSIGNIFICANCE AND ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT ALL BEHAVIOR, EVEN THE
TROUBLING BEHAVIOR, THE
WHINING, THE FIGHTING, SIBLING
RIVALRY. ALL OF THOSE THINGS
HAS A PURPOSE FOR OUR CHILDREN.
IT MAY BE A MISTAKE IN THE WAY
THEY'RE GETTING THERE BUT IT IS
THEIR WAY OF ACCOMPLISHING THE
SENSE OF BELONGING
INSIGNIFICANCE.
INSIGNIFICANCE. >> WHAT ARE THE WORDS YOU USE
AT THAT POINT?
>> THERE ARE A NUMBER OF
DIFFERENT APPROACHES.
DIFFERENT APPROACHES. THE FIRST IS THE SORT OF STEP
BACK AND SEE IF YOU CAN FIGURE
OUT WHAT THE GOAL IS.
IF IT IS A CHILD THAT IF YOU'RE
ON THE PHONE IN YOUR FOREGROUND
IS PULLING ON YOUR PANTS AND
SAYING MOMMY MOMMY.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE THAT THEY
ARE NOT MISBEHAVING FOR THE
SAKE OF MISBEHAVING THAT WHAT
THEY'RE SEEKING IS CONNECTION.
IT IS NOT SO MUCH A SPECIFIC
PHRASE THAT WE USE IS HOW CAN
WE BUILD CONNECTION IN THAT
MOMENT AND IN THAT CASE IT
MIGHT BE SAYING SOMETHING LIKE
GOING TO BE ON THE PHONE FOR
FIVE MORE MINUTES AND WHEN I'M
DONE WE CAN PLAY A GAME
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER.
TOGETHER. SO THAT THEY KNOW THERE WILL BE
AN OPPORTUNITY TO RECONNECT.
SO WE WANT TO ALWAYS START WITH
THE CONNECTION PIECE BEFORE WE
ARE CORRECTING.
ARE CORRECTING. >> THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME.
LITTLE KIDS.
LITTLE KIDS. REALLY LITTLE KIDS.
WHAT WITH THEM MIGHT BE
DIFFERENT?
DIFFERENT? >> I HAVE A TWO-YEAR-OLD AT
HOME.
HOME.
HOME. AND
HOME. AND ALSO HAVE A 10-YEAR-OLD AT
HOME SO IT IS A WIDE RANGE.
BUT WITH THE REALLY LITTLE KIDS
IS SOMETIMES JUST TAKING
ACKNOWLEDGING HOW THEY ARE
FEELING.
FEELING.
FEELING. I GUESS THE MOST RECENT EXAMPLE
LAST NIGHT MY DAUGHTER DID NOT
LIKE WHAT WE WERE SERVING FOR
DINNER AND SHE WANTED ANOTHER
BANANA AND IT WAS JUST THAT
REALLY, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU
REALLY LIKE THOSE BANANAS AND
YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE AND JUST
ACKNOWLEDGING THEIR EMOTIONS.
AND THEN DROPPING THE BOUNDARY.
BUT HERE'S WHAT WE ARE SERVING
FOR DINNER.
FOR DINNER. YOU REALLY HAVE THE CHOICE TO
EITHER EAT IT OR NOT.
>> YOU DON'T GET SUCKED INTO
THE BACK-AND-FORTH.
THE BACK-AND-FORTH. YOU JUST SET THE BOUNDARY AND
MOVED ON.
MOVED ON.
MOVED ON. >> CAN PEOPLE LEARN ABOUT THIS
IF THEY HAVE LITTLE KIDS ARE
BABIES OR YOU WERE A
GRANDPARENT TRYING TO MAYBE
UPDATE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT
THIS.
THIS.
THIS. WHERE DO WE READ ABOUT POSITIVE
DISCIPLINE?
DISCIPLINE? >> THERE ARE A NUMBER OF
DIFFERENT RESOURCES OUT THERE
IN THE FIRST ONE IS A BOOK
CALLED POSITIVE DISCIPLINE BY
JANE NELSON.
JANE NELSON. POSITIVE DISCIPLINE IS REALLY A
WONDERFUL PARENTING STYLE TO
LEARN LIKE IN A CLASSROOM
STUDYING BUT NOT IN A LECTURE
STYLE.
STYLE.
STYLE. MOST OF THE POSITIVE DISCIPLINE
CLASSES ARE DONE IN A REALLY
EXPERIENTIAL WAY SO I TEACH
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE CLASSES.
I'M STARTING ONE OCTOBER 16 AT
THE REDMOND COMMUNITY CENTER
AND IT RUNS FOR SIX WEEKS.
EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
THERE ARE CLASSES ALL OVER THE
SEATTLE AREA PUT ON BY A GROUP
CALLED SOUND DISCIPLINE.
AND PEOPLE CAN GO TO MY WEBSITE
AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY.
>> WE WILL POST OF THOSE FOR
EVERYBODY.
EVERYBODY. BUT THOSE WILL BE GREAT LINKS
FOR PEOPLE TO CHECK OUT.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OF NEXT AND UPDATE ON THE
HEPATITIS C A OUTBREAK IN THE