(soft music)
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- [Amanda] Hey Psych2Goers,
Welcome back to another video.
Have you ever had a partner,
parent, or friend who always made you feel guilty?
Do they make you feel like you owe them something?
According to Sharie Stines,
a California-based therapist who specializes
in abuse and toxic relationships,
manipulation is an emotionally unhealthy
psychological strategy used by people
who are incapable of asking
for what they want and need in a direct way.
You should note that there are different forms
of manipulation ranging from a pushy sales person
to an emotionally abusive partner.
In either case, it's important to be aware
of when someone may be manipulating you.
So here are eight common phrases
people use to manipulate you.
Before we begin, we would like to mention
that this video is not intended to suggest
that somebody is emotionally abusive
or manipulative when using these phrases.
These are just some examples.
If you feel that you may be at risk
of being in an emotionally abusive relationship,
confide in somebody you trust to discuss it with them.
Number one, "Look what you made me do."
This one is probably most commonly used
in friendships or romantic relationships
to blame you for something they've done.
Perhaps they say this to you
when they've messed up on an assignment
or overcooked dinner.
Instead of acknowledging their own mistakes,
they will find a way to place the blame onto you.
They may say it's because you distracted them
or because you were standing too close to them.
Anyways, it's a way for them to remove responsibility
from themselves and to shift it onto you.
Number two, "But you said."
Were you ever tricked into buying something
only to later realize that what you bought
was not what the sales person offered?
Or trapped into a commitment
that does not have your best interest at heart?
A common tactic used by sales and marketing companies
is to make something sound really appealing
by over-exaggerating the benefits and advantages.
When you get your hands on the actual product
and find how far off it was compared
to what the sales person had described it to be,
you may end up in a frustratingly futile,
"but you said," argument with them.
They will turn what you've said to them
against you to manipulate you
into doing something that you don't wanna do.
Number three, "Don't be so sensitive."
Have you ever been accused
of being too emotional or sensitive?
By saying this, especially in a situation
where you're feeling uncomfortable,
they're demonstrating that they don't care
for your feelings or your emotional well-being.
Whether you're uncomfortable at a group gathering
or used as part of an insensitive joke,
it's important to remember that how you feel
in any situation is valid and real.
Number four, "I would never."
Do you ever hear others say, "I would never do that.
I would never react in that way."
Doing such things means you're not strong enough.
Maybe you grew depressed after a breakup
or you started picking up some bad habits
after a close relative passed away.
While some may say this
without any negative intendance behind it,
they're still judging your actions
and discounting the situation you're in.
By saying they would never do the same thing,
they're ignoring how you feel
and the pressure you may be under.
Number five, "I know you feel strongly about this,
but I needed to do it my way.
It's what's best for us."
Were you ever made to feel guilty
and stayed in a relationship
or friendship against your better judgment?
When people wanna hold onto something,
sometimes they may use phrases
that are unintentionally manipulative
to get what they want.
This includes making decisions
in the name of doing what's best for both of you.
Remember that in a healthy relationship
it's important to have both
of your inputs heard and respected.
Otherwise, they may end up making all the decisions
and doing what's convenient for them and not you.
Number six, "Don't throw away."
So people have a natural fear of loss.
You may worry about what you have to lose
as opposed to what you have to gain in the process.
Parents may fear for their children
when they decide to take a different route
other than the ones they planned
by saying things like,
"Don't throw away everything you've worked so hard for."
In romantic relationships your partner may say,
"Don't throw away everything we've built,"
to trigger your fear of loss.
This may end up making you stay
in an unhappy relationship with them
instead of letting it go.
Number seven, "Don't overreact."
How many times have you been told that you've overreacted
when you don't feel like you have?
Perhaps you've confronted them
for coming home so late every evening
and they brush it off by saying
that you're just overreacting.
It's a manipulative tactic to avoid acknowledging
your feelings and concerns,
and for them to get what they want from you.
It may ultimately lead to your relationship
becoming one-sided, with them calling all the shots.
And number eight, "Don't misunderstand me."
Have they ever accused you
of misunderstanding their intentions
when you brought up a concern about your relationship?
Instead of addressing your concern
and to communicate their side of the story,
they may harass and accuse you
of misinterpreting what happened.
This aggressive approach is an effective way
to dodge the conversation
and to manipulate you into thinking
that you've misunderstood the situation when you haven't.
Have you noticed anyone using
these phrases in your relationships?
If you feel like you're being manipulated,
talk to somebody you trust.
If you found this video helpful,
be sure to like and share this video
with those who might benefit from it.
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The references and studies used
in this video are added in the description below.
Thanks for watching.
And we'll see you in our next video.