I surprisingly get messages from you guys all the time
asking about relationship advice
And I'm really honored that you guys asked
but I also need to say I'm not a relationship therapist
or specialist, or counselor
I mean, this is not my area of expertise
But I do think I know something that can really really help
because since I personally learned about it
It's helped to strengthen my relationships in every sense
whether it's my partner, friends, family
even in the workplace
It's actually something I've been wanting to share with you since I started Pick Up Limes
so without further ado, Let's dive in
Now a little bit of background here
The information I'm gonna share with you in this video is based on a book
called the five love languages by Gary Chapman
I learned about the love languages a little over four years ago
but at the time I didn't know it was a book
I was hanging out with a friend of mine
and the topic of relationships came up
And she was really surprised to know I hadn't heard of the love languages before
So she started to explain it to me
a lot of relationships fail, she said, not because we're not putting in the effort
but because we're maybe showing our love or appreciation in the wrong ways
you see, there's five basic love languages
and these are the ways that we express, but also receive love
the way that one person feels loved might not necessarily be the same as the way another person feels loved
So the five love languages are as follows
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch.
Let me just take a moment to explain these to you a little bit more
Words of affirmation include sharing verbal encouragement and kind thoughtful words
for example giving genuine praise and credit
Sharing a meaningful compliment or using a tone of voice that's kind and loving
and for this person
It's important that requests are made and not demands
one of the deepest human needs is to feel appreciated and validated
And that's especially true for somebody who has words of affirmation
high on their love language ranking
Quality time is giving somebody your undivided attention
so watching TV together might not necessarily count
For this person having quality conversations is part of having quality time
And they want meaningful interactions where the focus is primarily on them or on each other
Time is a precious commodity for this person
and knowing that you're spending your time on them means a great deal
Receiving gifts is not a shallow way of expressing love
because for this person it shows them that you not only thought about them
But that you actually went through the effort of acquiring that thing that made you think of them
And then you gave it to them
These can be gifts that are purchase, found or made
and for these people
Gifts are a visual symbol of love
Active service include doing things you think the other person would appreciate if you did
so for example doing the dishes, ironing clothes, cooking dinner, cleaning out the car
or taking on any projects to relieve the other person of stress or additional burden
If done with a positive spirit, this can absolutely be a way to show love
so if your partner has this ranking as their primary love language
To them actions might speak louder than words
We all know how powerful physical touch can be when it comes to showing love or appreciation
whether it's an affirming pat on the back from a colleague
a warm hug from a friend
a kiss on the forehead from a parent
or maybe something a little bit more affectionate from a romantic partner
this includes sitting close to the other person when you're watching a movie
Holding hands when you go for a walk
giving them a massage
or placing a firm hand on their shoulder when you leave or enter a room
whatever it is for this person, physical touch is the primary representation of love
Now back to my friend who was sharing with me this story
She said that each person has a bit of a different ranking system when it comes to these love languages where
One tends to be more dominant than the others,
and this is what we would call our primary love language
Now it's important to note that we often give love in the way that we would like to receive it
After we had this conversation
I really wanted to learn more
and that's when she told me there's a test you can take
now I'm gonna leave that link for the test in the description box below
in case you're interested in taking it as well
Having taken the test myself
It was really interesting to know what my primary love language was
But then the question became
What were the primary love languages of the people in my life
I of course wasn't gonna expect that everyone was gonna take this test
so what I started to do was predict what I thought their love languages were based on our actions
suddenly the love languages of those in my life became crystal clear
I began to give them love back in the way that they were giving it to me
And I very quickly noticed our relationships strengthened more and more
Now I've only just scratched the surface here with the explanations and examples
I provided in this video
And there is just such a depth of information in this book that I highly recommend anybody and everybody learns
the author Gary Chapman is a family therapist
and in the book he offers a whole bunch of tips and strategies on
how to adopt a better understanding
or practice of a love language that might not be your primary love language
So that you can better connect with others
I also want to take a moment to express some words of appreciation
and gratitude to Audible
as many of you know
They have been kind enough to support the Pick Up Limes channel for a while
and when I told them I wanted to create this video
They were also kind enough to sponsor it
I'll leave a link for you in the description box below now
I'm curious to know before you go ahead and take that test what you think your primary love language is
Let me know in the comments section below, and if you feel like showing me a little bit of extra love
you can always do that by clicking that little thumbs up button
it always means a lot when you do. Alright
Thanks a lot for watching.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone
Pick Up Lime signing off.
We'll see you in the next video
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