- Ever since I got interested in self-development
some 10 years ago,
I've heard people talk about
the benefits of journaling every day.
It's helped them improve clarity, focus.
It's helped them keep track of their goals,
and get all of their thoughts down onto the page.
So I thought, "Why not try it out for 30 days,
and see if I could see those benefits as well?"
But if I'm being completely honest,
I couldn't help but think that it was complete bullshit,
and it was.
Until it wasn't.
There are a ton of different kinds of journaling methods.
You could have a dream journal
to track the things that happen while you sleep.
A food journal to track everything that you eat.
A workout journal to track your gains.
And a bullet journal to track your tasks, habits,
and prioritize your work.
The key word across all these methods is track.
By tracking what we do,
charting our progress,
we're able to see growth where it might not be evident.
Day-to-day progress is elusive,
and as we easily get knocked off course,
journaling is supposedly a powerful way
to get a bird's-eye view of our lives.
For 30 days,
I'm gonna be committing to writing free form,
for 10 minutes a day,
to track my overall state of mind,
to possibly confront things I otherwise wouldn't.
And hopefully, to understand
and get clear on my own thought patterns.
Either great secrets could be unlocked
through the power of journaling,
or it'll be a complete waste of time.
(journals thudding)
So, this is not my first time journaling.
These are six journals that I've kept
over the past eight to 10 years,
and I have failed at journaling in the past,
for two main reasons.
One, I just found it so difficult to,
as you'll see, to fill up a journal.
And then the other thing is,
if you look through these journals you'll see that
there was just no consistency at all.
I would sometimes miss weeks,
sometimes months, and then get back to it.
And then I'm like apologizing for myself
for not keeping up with the journal.
But that was the glimmering hope that I had
for these 30 days,
was that the act of doing it every day
would tip the scale.
Because with every other habit that I've built in the past,
whether it was going to the gym,
reading every day,
these habits helped and really made a difference,
when I built them three, four, five days a week.
So the thought process was,
"If I could do this for 30 days straight,
it might be long enough to see the benefits."
Instead of using one of these large Moleskine journals,
I decided to use a small pocket-size journal
by Baron Fig, because minimalism.
But really, I didn't wanna feel like
I had to fill up every page.
And I wanted to only write a little bit each day.
And also, since I'm traveling a lot this month,
I wanted a journal
I could just throw in my pocket
and take with me anywhere.
(pen clicking)
So I started writing.
Each day, I set aside 10 minutes to fill up a few pages.
I wrote about my work.
the things I'm grateful for,
our travel plans,
the big move we had planned for the end of the month.
Anything that came to my mind in the moment,
I'd write down until I got bored.
And the boredom usually came pretty quick.
As the days went on into this challenge,
I felt more and more
like this was something that I had to do,
and not something that I wanted to do.
I kept forgetting,
saving it until the last minute.
I'd be in bed at 10:00 pm,
journaling out a few thoughts.
And that was probably the biggest hurdle,
was just finding the time
and also enjoying the process
because it did feel like an obligation,
something I had to do.
The one small benefit I did see early on,
was that it helped with my perfectionism.
As a chronic overthinker,
it was therapeutic in a way
to just write what was on my mind,
without the chance to edit later.
When you're working on the computer,
everything is editable,
which is a place of solace for a perfectionist like me.
When I'm writing or editing a video,
I feel like I have full control.
I can screw up, make mistakes,
change my mind about and edit
and start all over.
But you don't have that same opportunity with journaling.
I wrote early on,
there are times to think things through,
and then there are times to vomit onto the page.
This journal is primarily going to be vomit.
Even so, I still hope to get something more
out of this whole journaling thing.
Things were going so well for me.
I have a great relationship.
I have great family and friends.
My work is fulfilling.
I'm really passionate about it.
Financially, I feel stable.
So to journal felt like boasting.
It was just like bragging,
"Like yeah, things are going really good right now."
It just felt silly.
It felt counterproductive.
"Like, what am I doing here?"
Like, I don't really have any struggles to write about,
until I did.
As Nat and I wrapped up a trip overseas
and we moved apartments,
two days after returning,
I faced some of the worst anxiety
I've had in my life.
It caught me off guard.
It was like nothing I'd experienced before.
It was likely caused by a combination of factors.
The travel, the move,
the pressure I put on myself,
but right at a moment
when I thought everything was going so well,
I was forced off-track.
So this is May 20th, 2019.
Nat and I just moved into our new apartment.
And I write,
"I'm really hoping that after a good night's rest,
I'll wake up feeling like myself again.
I don't feel like cleaning the apartment,
unpacking, or getting back to my work.
My mind and body feel completely unsettled.
There's a tension, a nervousness, anxiety.
I hate this feeling.
I just want to feel comfortable again.
Fuck, I just hope that I wake up feeling better again.
I know I must sound like a broken record,
but when you feel like this,
it's all you can think about."
Simply writing this down,
didn't fix my anxiety.
It didn't make everything better,
but it helped me to accept how I was feeling.
It stopped me from running away
from the thoughts I was having
or pretending like they didn't exist.
I continued to journal for the next few weeks,
as I recovered and gave myself the time and space
to get back on my feet.
I had ups and downs.
In aggregate, things got much better.
I went from feeling sick, dizzy,
and having zero motivation,
to rebuilding my routines, my health,
and getting back to work.
Now, recording this a month since we moved,
my anxiety has reduced to a light hum.
It pops up every now and again,
but it's not getting in the way of my life.
Among many other things,
journaling has been a helpful tool
for me to gain clarity
when my mental health was at its worst.
So the moment of truth.
After 30 days of journaling, would I recommend it?
Yeah, I'd recommend it.
I'd recommend you try it.
I think it's definitely,
it was a worthwhile pursuit.
While I did have some breakthroughs
and it did help me during some of my low points,
it wasn't, I just didn't like the process enough
to keep up with it.
I like the idea of journaling,
more than I actually like it in practice.
Again, and again, it kept feeling like a chore.
It's something that I will likely come back to
when I face struggles,
and I have certain things that I'm trying to work through.
But as a daily practice,
I just don't think it's something
that's worthwhile for me to continue to keep up.
Do you have a journaling practice yourself?
I would love to hear
about some of the things that you've gotten from journaling.
Let me know down in the comments below.
That's it.
Thanks for watching.
I'll see you next.
(upbeat funky music)