- [Narrator] Thank you all for your responses.
Many of you told me stuff I really needed to hear.
I finally confronted her
with the information I got from the call records.
She didn't try to deny or spin it off,
she just immediately started to ask for another chance.
She said she swears she never saw him
and that she would do anything to prove it to me,
that she would never talk to him again.
I told her I'm leaving the house
and that there was nothing she could do
to prove what she is saying.
She gave me all the passwords to her phone and laptop
and installed one of those monitoring apps
that allows someone else to see everything
that goes on on that phone.
She even tried to give me the phone
and promised to quit her business,
so she can be home at all times where I can see her
for as long as it takes to gain even an ounce of my trust.
Just please don't leave her.
I don't know what to make of this gesture.
Does it mean anything?
I can't have her dropping her income
with the sporadic nature of both of our incomes.
There are children to think of.
But can I really take her willingness to do this seriously?
Do you really want to be in a marriage
in which you have to surveillance her
for the rest of your life to make sure she doesn't cheat?
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
At least in this case.
She's calling your bluff, dude.
Actions speak louder than words.
If she was serious about ending it,
then she would have done it the first time.
If you want to make this work with her,
then get some couples counseling
and rebuild trust from evidence of change of behavior,
not a whole bunch of promises.
If you try a controller, even if it's her idea,
she'll build resentment towards you
and the relationship which isn't going to help anything.
First thing is to book yourself in for a session
with the relationship specialist,
but I can assure you if she won't
and doesn't stop talking to him,
then she can not be trusted.
Obviously you should show her the door.
Once a cheating wife, always a cheating wife.
Throw her out into the cold and dark,
enjoy her suffering, savor her despair, then move on
and try not to date such a faithless thot next time.
Dude, stop. Come on.
You already know the answer.
You gave her a second chance, and she blew it.
Quote, "I don't know what to make of this gesture.
Does it mean anything?"
Yes, it means the other guy
didn't want a relationship with her,
and now she's desperate.
You can file for divorce or at least start looking into it,
and still work on reconciliation.
The fact that she's offering solutions
beyond what you might have suggested
implies she might be serious.
The main thing is not to bluff her.
She needs to understand
that you are 100% serious about ending things
if she doesn't change.
You also need to make this commitment to yourself as well.
Good luck, man.
One more chance over and over
is no longer one more chance, dude.
Talk to a lawyer.
She may want to change, but that doesn't mean she can.
She probably can't. Most people can't change.
Some people can pretend better than others.
How has her acting been so far?
Begging for forgiveness and then having to do it again
because you're a mess should be all you need
to decide to leave.
If you trust this woman, you deserve what's coming.
Too many cases like these:
begging, crying, pleading,
and then six months later, she cheats again.
It is in the nature of cheaters to cheat.
Accept it and leave her.
Don't let her quit or else it will affect spousal support.
Time to grow a backbone and respect herself.
If you want to live in paranoia for the rest of your life,
stay with her.
Otherwise, you know what to do.
What a tired, broken relationship,
that you will be the sentinel over your wife's activities.
What an exhausting life to live,
watching your partner's actions to hold them accountable
because they are not trustworthy
is such a stupid thing to spend your finite life on,
watching over your shoulder, the rear view mirror,
babysitting a philandering partner.
What she said about leaving/dropping her business,
do not let her do something so stupid,
especially in COVID times.
Think practically about it.
As for staying with her or not,
I think you shouldn't.
But make sure she doesn't make any crazy commitments
like job/business dropping.
You don't want to be like those men
who get taken advantage of.
She disrespected you and your marriage
by keeping in touch with AP like it was nothing.
She cheated on you three times.
You found out because you were suspicious,
not because she told you.
She would say anything
to have someone to help her financially,
even though you both work.
How many times does she have to cheat on you
for you to finally break and move on?
No app will monitor her phone if she gets a separate phone
that she will keep hidden.
She said she would quit her job
and stay at home all the time,
so you can watch her.
What happens when you are at work?
Document everything and file for divorse.
You will probably get custody
if you have proof of her cheating.
I am sorry you are in such a terrible situation.
I know it's harder said than done,
but you need to find a way to leave her.
Don't let her fool you.
Everything she's doing since being found out
is an attempt to sweep this under the rug
as fast as possible.
Her desire to earn your trust back
is simply a means to an end, to her getting what she wants.
Just like her cheating on you
was about getting what she wants
with complete disregard for you.
If she really cared about how this affected you,
she'd be giving you space but she can't risk that
because you might use it to realize
this relationship is done.
She doesn't want that, even if parting ways
would be the healthiest option for you both,
she just wants what she wants
and she'll do anything she can to get it.
It's not remorse, it's fear.
What she's doing is flooding you with promises
and apologies and emotional appeals
in the hopes that something will stick,
especially these blanket offers
of, I'll do anything you need me to
until you become too controlling
as it's your job to fix this,
as if there must be some solution
and you're the unreasonable one
if you can't come up with it.
Wouldn't do it.
In my opinion, she gives you access
to all her electronics and gets herself a new phone,
since she assumes you will stop digging
and she will just continue on the new phone.
That's not marriage, that's not trusting.
That's her realizing that she's about to be exposed
as a cheater if you pull through with a divorce.