A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK-- AND YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS, TOO-- THAT
FROM 11:30 TOW 12:30, THE "LATE SHOW" IS ON.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
COMMERCIALS ARE ON.
WE'RE HERE TO PROVIDE FILLER BETWEEN THE ADS.
I'M PROUD OF THAT ASSOCIATION, BECAUSE ADVERTISING HAS
PROFOUNDLY CHANGED THE WORLD.
FOR INSTANCE, BEFORE ADVERTISING, IF YOU TRIED TO BUY
INSURANCE FROM A DUCK, THEY WOULD THINK YOU WERE INSANE.
THAT IS WHY I'M EXCITED TO SEE MY FELLOW CELEBRITY, MATTHEW
McCONAUGHEY, REALLY EMBRACE ADVERTISING.
WE'VE ALL ENJOYED WHATEVER HE'S TALKING ABOUT IN THOSE LINCOLN
ADS.
( LAUGHTER ) HE REALLY SHOULD TURN THE AIR
CONDITIONING ON IN THAT CAR.
AND NOW, McCONAUGHEY HAS SIGNED ON AS CREATIVE DIRECTOR FOR WILD
TURKEY BOURBON.
AND IN ADDITION TO APPEARING ON CAMERA, HE WILL WRITE AND DIRECT
THE SPOTS.
AND HE'S ALSO RECORDING MUSIC FOR THE CAMPAIGN.
OKAY, MUSIC.
SO I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR WHISKEY WITH A CHASER OF THREE-MINUTE
BONGO SOLO.
( BONGOS ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO ) >> Stephen: I COULD GO FOR
SOME WILD TURKEY RIGHT NOW.
PART OF THE REASON THEY HIRED McCONAUGHEY IS THAT HE KNOWS HOW
TO REACH THEIR CORE DEMO.
HE SAID HIMSELF, "MILLENNIALS, AND I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT, CAN
SMELL SOLICITATION."
OKAY, MATT, THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN SOLICITING
MILLENIALS.
NOT COOL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE DOING IT IN A WAY THAT THEY CAN
SMELL.
BUT I INTERRUPTED MYSELF READING YOUR THEORY OF MILLENIALS AND
SOLICITATION.
"WILD TURKEY HASN'T CHANGED IN ALL THESE YEARS.
IT'S TOTALLY AUTHENTIC, AND THAT APPEALS TO MILLENNIALS."
HE'S RIGHT.
MILLENNIALS CRAVE AUTHENTICITY, ALMOST AS MUCH AS THEY CRAVE
COMMERCIALS.
WELL, I WILL NOT BE OUT-AUTHENTICKED, EVEN IF I HAVE
TO FAKE IT.
SO MATTHEW IS PROMOTING WILD TURKEY, SO I HAVE SINGED ON TO
WRITE, DIRECT, KEY GRIP, INTERN FOR, AND CRAFT SERVICE MY OWN AD
CAMPAIGN FOR SAVAGE COCK, 190-PROOF GRAIN ALCOHOL.
YEAH!
( APPLAUSE ) YOU ALL DOWN WITH THE COCK?
( LAUGHTER ) IT TAKES A LOOK.
Y OH, HEY.
IF WE MILLENNIALLS HATE ANYTHING, IT'S SOLICITATION.
WE DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO BEING TOLD WHAT TO BUY AND WHO TO BUY
IT FROM.
IT'S WHY WE WEAR CLOTHES THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WERE STOLEN FROM
THE GRAVE OF AN IRISH IMMIGRANT.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THAT'S WHY WE DRINK SAVAGE
COCK, 190-PROOF GRAIN ALCOHOL BECAUSE SAVAGE COCK REFUSES TO
PANDER TO US WITH THINGS LIKE SMOOTH FLAVOR AND POTABILITY.
MMM, HASHTAG #ORGANDAMAGE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JUST LIKE YOU, SAVAGE COCK HAS
NEVER WATERED ITSELF DOWN FOR MASS APPEAL.
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THE DRINK OF AMERICAN REBELS AND TASTEMAKERS.
THAT'S WHAT DAVY CROCKETT DRANK, RIGHT BEFORE STICKING HIS HEAD
UP THAT RACCOON'S BUTT.
( LAUGHTER ) THOSE REBELS WERE JUST LIKE YOU:
THEY DIDN'T CARE WHETHER DRINKING SAVAGE COCK WAS COOL OR
VIRAL OR ADVISABLE.
SO HOIST A GLASS, MY FELLOW '90s KIDS, TO AUTHENTICITY, TO
REALNESS, AND NOT FALLING FOR ANY CHEAP ADVERTISING GIMMICKS.
BUT DON'T JUST TAKE IT FROM ME.
LISTEN TO THE TALKING TOILET, PARTY MOUTH.
>> SURF'S UP, KIDS!
SAVAGE COCK IS DOPE!
>> Stephen: OH, PARTY MOUTH!
OH, PARTY MOUTH!
YOU ARE trending.com!
SO NEXT TIME YOU TAKE AN AUTHENTIC INSTASELFIE, WHIP OUT
YOUR SAVAGE COCK, 190-PROOF GRAIN ALCOHOL!
>> PLEASE ENJOY RESPONSIBLY!