You may think you know D&D, but guess what nerd?
You DON"T!
Not until you understand "What the fuck is all this shit!"
What is this?!
What is THIS?!
Why do I need to know Animal Handling?!
The FUCK is Arcana?!
The SHIT are hit dice?!
What's a proficiency bonus?!
WHY ARE ELECTRUM PIECES SO STUPID!?
Well strap in for a formal education, ass-hair; I'm gonna re-teach you how to do math!
Because let's be honest: you still use a calculator to add and subtract single digits.
Welcome to a Crap Guide to D&D.
[jaunty lute intro]
This is your character sheet. Your character cannot exist without it.
However, it doesn't always have to look like this;
it could be a simple flash card,
a scribbling in a notebook,
or an app on your phone if you like being spoon-fed
like a baby who laughs at the phrase: pee pee poo poo watermel- (corpses)
And when playing as a character in D&D, you will refer to the character sheet
whenever you have to roll the various kinds of dice that decide the outcome of your actions.
Many are intimidated by this mighty thingy's magnificence,
but mourn them ye shall not, for they be weak ass bitches!
It looks like a whole lot, but get a hold of yourself and take it one step at a time.
The first person to voluntarily stick something up their butt didn't get anywhere by crying about how intimidating it is to stick something up their butt!
They just did it, and look how far we've come!
First of all at the top, we have the basics:
Name, Class, Race, Background, and Dumb Buzzfeed Quiz Results.
These things will determine later things, so don't worry about those things until we come to them later.
If you don't know what you want those to be yet, that's okay.
We can mosey on over to THIS tower of pimps, which will be the most important part of your entire sheet!
These are your basic stats; the strengths and weaknesses of your character
and the main determiner of whether you're going to be snooping or spooping when dungeoning those dragons.
Strength is your
STRONG!
HEAPING!
MUSCLES!
How much shit you can carry, how well you can push or pull heavy objects, and how well you can make your pecs DANCE.
[sounds of flexing pecs]
It also determines the weapon damage for most melee weapons, but we'll get to that later.
Next is Dexterity, the little bitch version of Strength.
It's your hand-eye coordination, reflexes and balance, and how well you can hide your handheld
when you hear mommy and daddy stomping up to your room like Godzilla
Where Strength is about how you can plow through a table being thrown at you,
Dex is about how you can limbo walk under it.
Dex can also be used with what are called finesse weapons,
which lets you pick between the two physical stats when rolling attacks and damage in case you skipped arm day.
Constitution is your general vitality;
how healthy you are, your endurance and is used for rolls as frequently as a millennial eats breakfast.
It mostly only affects your overall hit points, but it's still fairly important, and can be treated like the amount of candy in your pantry:
you only realize how little you have once you see somebody else with lots of it.
Intelligence is DUMB.
...That is unless you pump it up for big galaxy brains, and become smarter than the average bugbear.
It's used for general knowledge-based checks involving things like recalling info on history, magic, religion,
and most importantly defeating things with facts and logic.
To generalize, it's book smarts. You know a lot of things.
It's also used as a spellcasting modifier for both the Wizard and Artificer classes.
(Oh, don't worry! We'll get to spellcasting later...)
(Impatient bitch...)
Wisdom is one that confuses a lot of people because they think it's just like Intelligence,
and I'm willing to bet those are the kinds of people who think cheese and mayonnaise can co-exist on a sandwich!
No, Wisdom is more your street smarts, and also general senses.
It's knowledge based on practice and experience -
(No, not that experience!)
- and it's the difference between knowing if the plant is poisonous
and knowing that the person who told you it was poisonous lied about it
because they don't want you finding their beloved lemon tree yet.
(Damn lemon whores!)
It's also the casting ability of Clerics, Druids and Rangers.
Finally is Charisma; how to tell if your character fucks!
It can mean anything from your general likability, to approachability, to public speaking ability, to bedding ability.
It's your charm, your confidence, and general way with people;
whether it be luring them into a trap,
or aggressively scaring them so bad that they actively jump onto the trap out of fearful compliance.
And it's the casting ability for Bards, Paladins, Sorcerers, and Warlocks,
because remember; you got to look pretty for the boss patron if you want to get that big eldritch bonus.
Now that we're done covering Ability Scores, we can go over how you get them,
and there are three generally used methods!
If you're a wee baby who needs to meticulously make your perfect OC or else it won't be faithful to your precious self-insert,
there's the Point-Buy system which works like a basic video game.
All your stats start at 8, and you have a pool of points (usually 27) to distribute between them all,
all with the cost going up to 2 points per ability score increase higher than 13, and the cap being at 15.
If you hate math, that's too bad because there's going to be loads of it later.
But if you want slightly less of it, there's also Standard Array
which gives you the numbers 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, and 8 to arrange on any of your scores.
But if that's STILL too much choice and you want to put your character into the grubby hands of RNGesus,
there's the most widely known method, which is rolling four d6 and dropping the lowest number.
This can get you scores anywhere from a whopping 18,
to a poopoo dookie 3 if your DM is a sadist and doesn't do grace rolls,
but often results in overall chonkier stats.
Whatever method you do, each number corresponds to a second number.
WHOO BOY, are you overwhelmed yet? You have to keep track of two whole numbers, what a crazy catastrophic conundrum!
Well, don't you worry your stubby earlobes, because those big numbers aren't really that important.
Their main purpose is to determine a smaller number called a Modifier,
which means you can totally ignore this number when you actually start to pillage the village.
There's a fairly simple mathematical equation to figure out what each number's bonus is, but I know you're a dumb dumb silly pants.
So here's a chart. Now will you stop crying about it?!
The reason the Ability Modifier is important is because it's what you add to your dice roll whenever they're applicable.
So if you have a lot of strength,
you're going to get a little extra oomph whenever you need to punch the vending machine when your chips are stuck.
Have low charisma and you're going to have a hard time convincing the janitor that you weren't the one who broke it.
Keep in mind you could still roll great with low stats, and roll badly with high stats.
But having high ability modifiers makes it so your rolls are more in your favor.
Now that you have your scores all placed and your modifiers figured out now we can determine where those modifiers go!
Which means we can look at this spaghetti jumbling mess of words. Now don't go running to mommy calculator just yet.
It's so easy even FighterMan can figure it out! At the top here are your saving throws. These are your defenses and resistances,
the various bad bads that want to smush you up and turn you into a turd things like trap's area of effects most spells and
That little voice telling you that you're making poor decisions.
You don't roll these on your own most of the time instead your DM will ask
you to make them whenever you're put in harm's way and you see these little spaces. That's where your ability modifiers go!
*GASP*
That's right. This way you can refer to these numbers to add to your roles whenever they come into play.
Look how smart you are. I could just give you a wedgie right now. Next are your skills
these are the various different capabilities
your character is able to do in a regular game of D&D, and each one is affected by your ability scores.
Just like your saving throws. And just like your saving throws
There's this trusty little space for you to put your awesome stalking and or poo doo modifiers and how can you tell what ability mod?
goes where while you foolish mortal wombat! Just look at this helpful little
parenthesis that tells you what it's attributed to! Go down the list and now you have a reference for
what your character is good or terrible at. Got high DEX?
Well, congratulations your sleight of hand means you can cheat at poker better. Bad at intelligence?
Well then you're probably not going to know who president Dingle Bloopy Noop, is during the history segm ent of
"Are You Smarter Than A Kobold?". Now we're not quite done yet with this llama lot.
We gotta go over what proficiency is.
Proficiency is what separates the fake gamers, from the hardcore top 500 ultra platinum uber pros.
And you can find it in this little dingle. Starting at level one.
Your proficiency bonus is two and it increases as you level up more and more. Basic gist it goes up by one every four levels.
This number is added to anything you are proficient a.k.a. trained with, and as far as saving throws and skills go.
This will be signified by a little checkmark and which ones those little checkmarks go into.
Is determined by a combination of your class, background, and on rare occasion race. For example!
A fighter has proficiency in Strength and Con saving throws, so...
Add those numbers! They also get to choose two skills to be proficient with from this list according to the parrot hambone. (Player Handbook.)
Normally you would pick your own but here we're just going to go athletics and perception.
Let's say you're also a hermit! You get these two skills to be proficient in!
Always remember whenever you're proficient with something.
It means you get to add this sexy number on top of whatever appropriate ability modifier that's added to the dice roll you make.
Proficient in athletics roller d20 add strength mod add proficiency bonus
And if at any point you forget what you're proficient in just refer back to the Player Handbook for your race, class, and background.
Congratulations, you now know how 90% of Dungeons and Dragons works, you feeling smart yet?
You feeling like you can wrestle a spider cow?
Well, sit the hell back down because we're not done yet!
Now that we're done with the stat portion of the character sheet.
We can look at the combat portion. This section is what you refer to when your dm says "Clickety clackety!
You're about to get attackety!" Up at the very top left is your armor class. Or AC for short. This by default
is 10 plus your Dexterity modifier. No, I said the modifier not the score! Pay attention!
However, this can be increased by the different types of armor.
Whichever one you start with will depend on which class you pick.
Next is initiative. Whenever an encounter begins.
Initiative is rolled and determines who goes first and who stacks dice for the next half hour.
This number is the same as your Dexterity modifier, and is added to your initiative roll at the beginning of an encounter.
And this last little block is speed. Which is how much you can move across the checkerboard each turn.
Each square equaling five feet of movement. If you're normal and use the imperial system and is initially determined by your race, or!
How well you can try to convince your dm that your character ran track in high school. Below that, are the hit points. Maximum,
current and temporary. Your maximum hit points is like an anime fans figure shelf after about two conventions
You can try to fit more but we all know any extras are gonna have to sit on your desk next to all your empty cups!
It's determined by your class!
Each one having its own size of hit die, plus or Constitution modifier because D&D is a communist game and believes in universal healthcare.
At first level you always receive the highest possible roll for hit points.
But for every consecutive level you can either roll for it or take the coward's way out and take the average increase instead.
And then your current hit points are pretty obvious!
It's the amount of blood you still have inside your body at the moment. Reach zero and your character skips
50 seconds ahead of this video. Lastly, there are temporary hit points.
Which go above the maximum hit points and you only ever get on special occasions via, spell special abilities or the local grandma Lizardfolk,
just made you a delicious bowl of her legally ambiguous performance-enhancing herbal soup
Keep in mind a couple of things! Temporary hit points are kind of like the skin-tight leather jackets from the 90s x-men movies.
In that they don't stack on top of each other and you have to pick which one you want to keep.
If given multiple of them and if you're on the floor dying from a stab wound putting it on won't magically stitch it together.
And what are these two lonely boxicles?
Well my stupid student! They're yin and yang! Two sides of a coin! One for when you're alive and the other from when you're unalive.
The former being your hit dice! You have as many of these as your player level and can spend them whenever you take a sit,
for as long as a single episode of a Netflix original show to recover your hit points.
What size of hit dice is once again determined by your class and you get them back whenever you binge an
entire season's worth of a Netflix original show.
But what do you do when you're bleeding out while dressing a 90s teenager's idea of a sexy badass superhero?
If your current hitpoints ever reach zero, you have to look over on this touch deprived box and start rolling
Where you gamble with grim each turn and roll your most well-behaved d20 to see whether you luck back to life or have a very
awkward reunion with those bandits
You killed five minutes ago. Roll a 10 or higher and you gain a success!
Nine or lower and you get a failure, two failures if you drop a fat stinky nat one.
Three successes or a lucky twenty and you hop back to one hit point three failures and your character sheet becomes the dm's
ass wiping supplies.
This section is where you throw in all your various flavors of stabs if you have a weapon or attack of some kind
You write it in here and refer to it during combat say it's a sword and shield.
Yes. Both.
You would write down the name of the weapon here then next to it is the attack bonus a.k.a.
How accurate your weapon is. No, not the damage!
This number is determined by your Strength modifier for most weapons unless
it's a ranged weapon like a bow in which case you use your Dex mod instead or if it has the finesse property.
Which allows you to pick either on top of that if you're proficient with that weapon.
You can add that good old bonus to it, too. "But how do you know if you're proficient with a weapon?"
Let's put a peen in that! Alternatively, if it's a spell attack like eldritch
Your attack bonus becomes your spell casting ability modifier. Let's take a bard
for instance.
Which is the *slut* stat plus your proficiency bonus. Whenever you roll a d20 to see if your attack lands you get to
add this number to the total
Alternatively alternatively if it's a spell or special item like a bunch of ball bearings thrown in attempts to recreate home alone
That requires the enemy to make a saving throw you can put the saving throw and difficulty class there instead
"But how do you know what that number is?" We're gonna put a peen in that too!
Shut up!
Once you have that number! To the right of it is the damage rule a.k.a. how aggressively you're going to introduce the enemy's face
to your sword.
This is included in the description of whatever weapon or spell you are using whether it be a light jab at their insecurities a
proverbial pounding in pornographic proportions or 8d6 fire damage in a 20-foot radius
JUST FIREBALL!
Most weapons also include your Strength modifier to the damage unless once again it's a ranged weapon which uses Dexterity or a finesse weapon which
uses either the difference being that you don't add your proficiency bonus to this rule unless something says otherwise and most spells don't add
Any additional modifiers unless their wall of text explicitly says so! And lastly, make sure you include what kind of damage you're dealing
so your dm can know that your
Psychic-damaging vicious mockery won't do much against a revenant, because their self-esteem is already in the grave.
To recap: When you attack roll a d20. Add this number which is these.
Then if you hit the enemies AC you roll these, and add this number, which is this!
We're gonna take a little break from the main sheet to look at this sheet that has a list of all your accomplishments.
Oh, look at that. It's blank. This is a spell sheet!
If you're playing a character that's capable of casting spells!
Then you're gonna take a gander over to this sheet whenever you cast them.
Up here at the top, you can put your spell casting class in case you're absurd and tend to forget which spells go where.
Your casting ability which will depend on the class, your spell save difficulty class, and your spell attack bonus.
So, hey remember that peen we put in for spells in your attacks?
Well, it's time to unpucker that sucker because here it is the spell save difficulty class also known as DC.
This is referred to whenever you cast a spell that requires the enemy to make a saving throw. And how this is calculated is 8.
Plus your cast mod plus your poff bone. (Proficiency bonus.) Once you've got all that figured out
the rest of the sheet is for keeping track of
all your spells and slots. You write down the spells you have for each level. How many slots you have total.
As well as expended and if you have the spell prepared or not. Note only certain casting capable classes apply
Please refer to the player handbook or any other supplementary book regarding your class to find
Information on what methods you have to go about obtaining and preparing spells.
What?
Unsure of what spell slots are because your brain's too smooth?
Well sit the shit back dit you git and listen up. The weakest level of spells are called Cantrips or sometimes level zero.
If you don't care about hurting their feelings and they can be cast as many times a day as you want!
First level spells and upwards.
However.
Require a resource called spell slots to be cast or else you'll have to find out the hard way that casting thunder wave.
Without having your beauty sleep will make the life or death battle with the underlord of darkness a lot less epic.
And a lot more smelling like last night's kebabs. And if the name spell slot.
Makes things too confusing for you.
You can use my personal preferred name for them. Mage bullets.
How many mage bullets you have per spell level and how you recover them is determined by your specific class and levels. So just
like 99% of this entirely redundant video if you want more information.
It's best to read the parking himbo (Player's Handbook.). and keep track of your God. Damn. Slots!
Because if you don't and just so happen to be able to cast
Five mage hands a day under section 3. Chapter 1. Paragraph 12. Of the code of gelatinous noobs.
The DM has full rights to eat your dice!
After looking in the mirror and taking some serious self-reflection after the apocalyptic chasm of the divide of the fan base.
That was 4th edition of D&D, Wizards of the Coast started to take into consideration for the next version of D&D.
What gameplay features they wanted to invite to future parties, and what gameplay features they needed to take out back and tell,
to think about the pretty space butterflies. One such Old Yeller victim was the virgin alignment shark being completely overshadowed by the chad personal
Characteristics each one being a useful tool to remind you of your character's interests, motivation, shortcomings, and sexual fantasies.
You never know if you're gonna end up having to fuck your way out of a problem.
So it helps to be prepared and know exactly what position would be the most in character.
Personality traits are the broad strokes of your character. Likes, dislikes, interests, manners, whether or not they think something's a soup or a salad.
Ideals are their drive their principles and what they vote for during election time.
Or if they don't care about voting at all and prefer to stay home to catch a
Once-in-a-lifetime live marathon rerun of animal planets the most extreme!
Bonds or personal attachments and experiences they've had. It could be a good friend,
a fond memory or your favorite glow-in-the-dark bouncy ball that always seemed to bounce a little bit weirder than all the other ones.
And lastly flaws, which 99% of the players don't actually understand and will probably put something inconsequential like clumsy.
Not me though because i'm flawless and perfect. Oh, you don't think so. Well could a person with weaknesses do this?
*Butt flex sound effect.*
Now remember that peen we put in wondering how you know.
What weapons you're proficient with that goes down here by the way, and that along with basically every other section
We've yet to cover can be figured out in this next part
which is what I like to call the copying it over from the book section of the character creation because that's basically all you do for the rest of the sheet.
*Epic beatbox* I gotta pick a background? Check the player handbook!
What proficiencies do I get? Check the player handbook!
What about feats and traits? Check the player handbook!
What's my starting equipment? Check the player handbook!
or any other supplementary book relevant to your chosen race/class/background.
A la Volo's Guide, Xanathar's Guide, Eberron Rising, etc.
And with all that done.
Congratulations!
You now have a completed and fully functioning character sheet ready to be used once. Then completely lost and found again once you've already redone
a second, one or if you're lucky one that will be used consistently over the course of several years
to the point where there's more eraser skid marks than pencil lead and the ones firm sheet of paper turning as soft as
A tissue person's dick after seeing you in the shower.
Now, you know how to use a character sheet.
You're welcome!
*Crap Guide to D&D theme song.*
Hey, you kind of forgot to write your backstory..
FUCK!
*Crap Guide to D&D theme song continues.*