(Audience clapping and cheering)
- I missed the hang-glider?
- [Audience Member] You missed the Cuban hang-glider.
- Oh. Oh Fuck. Oh.
(Audience shouting)
Ah, yeah. I hate myself too.
We'll take five random topics
then we'll drop a beat and do a pretty swish freestyle.
Let's, let's divide you guys.
Did you just put a hand up there, sir?
I hadn't even come to your section yet,
but, but sure, go ahead.
- [Audience Member] The Trail of Tears
- The Trail of Tears?
(Audience groaning)
Now. Is it Brett? Do you not know that?
The Trail of Tears?
So I believe that was Andrew Jackson's policy to,
to march the Native Americans from their reservations,
to new reservations, and on the way
they died as a byproduct,
but actually as the purpose of the Trail of Tears.
So, yeah, um look,
I am as amazed that I knew that as you are.
I don't know where that came from.
Cause yeah, that's not taught in England.
Really?
In England, we, you know, we reach, you know
1776 and then we stop learning
about your country because it became your country.
We're like, oh.
Fuck 'em then.
Whatever.
When we had it, we cared.
So the Trail of Tears.
So I guess when, when was this?
Was this in the kind of 1800s?
- [Audience Member] I don't know.
(Audience laughter)
- [Audience Member] Twenties.
- 1820s, cool. Thank you so much,
and thank you
for really setting it off
with a great mood, isn't it?
That's what you want
in the evening on a Saturday.
A freestyle rap on the Trail of Tears.
Well, there's four more suggestions to fill it in.
So, I mean, we didn't even get a suggestion
from you
lovely people over here.
What would you like a rap about?
- [Audience Member] Drugs!
- Do you just say drugs?
A topic rarely broached in rap music.
(Audience laughing)
Oh, if only, if only they would rap about that.
Um, Do you have a particular type
of drug that you're a, a fan of?
- [Audience Member] Zoloft!
- Ha. Okay.
You had no preference, but Zoloft?
Yes.
That's an, that's an antidepressant, I would assume.
Yeah. Cool.
It's a good name actually, isn't it?
That's...Whoever came up with that in branding
they knocked it out of the park.
Zoloft.
Are, are you a user of Zoloft?
- [Audience Member] Woo!
- [Audience Member] Obviously, I'm from New York.
(Audience laughing)
- Gosh, what a depressing statement in itself
which suggests the Zoloft is not working.
(Audience laughing)
The person who went, woo.
It's definitely working.
Keep at it.
The Trail of tears,
and drugs.
Specifically Zoloft.
- [Audience Member] Zoloft!
Yes. No, don't worry.
I, I remembered.
(Audience laughing)
One of the side effects of Zoloft is very
short-term memory loss.
(Audience laughing)
People over here.
What would you like a rap about?
- [Audience Member] Jeffrey Epstein!
(Audience groaning)
- Why was it shouted twice?
You were like, holler.
Yeah, let me back.
Okay, so um, may I,um
you, you look like a reasonably active man.
What was the last kind of outdoor activity you engaged in?
- [Audience Member] Uh.
- You can just lie.
If there wasn't one.
I don't mind.
(Audience laughing)
- I mean he was just like, oh, Chris
you're really trying to make me look.
I was just, you know,
you have a tattoo on your forearm.
So I was like, oh, he climbs.
(Audience laughing)
No, you read comic books is that what that means?
- [Audience Member] I took the subway!
- You took the subway?
That's not an out...
Is that, I assumed like mountain biking
or bouldering,
But I took the subway, Chris
that's an extreme sport.
It really is.
(Audience laughing)
- Your accent's delectable.
Where? Where's it from?
- [Audience Member] Israel.
- Israel? It's beautiful.
It sounds lovely to, can you, can you say
I took the subway in your voice?
I just want everyone to hear it,
it's like caramel in the ears.
- [Audience Member] I took the subway.
- I, I mean that was, that was in, in,
in Hebrew as well right?
Fucking. I'm too tumescent right now.
(Audience laughter and groaning)
Sorry. It means hard.
Uh okay, sorry, I forgot.
We're not back in England,
so, okay.
Jeffrey Epstein taking the subway.
That's the, the topic there.
This corner?
What would you like a rap about?
- [Audience Member] Implants.
- Implants?
May I inquire as to what location on the body?
Are we going?
Dental?
Are we going derrière?
Are we going?
- [Audience Member] Butt implants.
- Butt implants.
Okay. Thank you very much.
Are you seat seated comfortably over there?
You're having a good...
(Audience laughing)
And then one final one.
'cause so far these are pretty good.
We're gonna top it off with the crème de la crème
which is French for creamiest cream.
(Audience laughing)
- What, what did you say in the middle?
- [Audience Member] AIDS?
(Audience sounds confused)
- You started something here.
That's not me
suggesting you started AIDS.
That was me saying that it's uh
you're too young.
Uh hum.
Te- tell you what, seeing
as we've got already the Trail of Tears, it's, it
it probably would be a little too,
a little too sad.
I mean, we've got Zoloft actually.
It will make it work.
(Audience laughing)
But there was
there was a feminine voice that didn't say AIDS.
What did you say?
- [Audience Member] Cuban's going into Miami
in a hang-glider.
- Cuban's going to Miami in a hang-glider?
I apologize for saying your voice was feminine.
(Audience laughing)
- Cuban's going into Miami in a hang-glider.
Great. The suggestions
to remind you
The Trail of Tears,
fuck you, uh
drugs, specifically Zoloft,
Jeffrey Epstein taking the subway
buttock implants,
and Cubans going to Miami in a hang-glider.
That actually makes more sense than it did when you said it.
Yes. I realize there's, there's embargoes
and borders and so
why not, you know
deliver cocaine in a functional way?
(Audience laughing)
- Miami has lots of co- cocaine importing, doesn't it?
Thank you.
But has great healthcare.
Good for them.
Let's, let's, let's do this.
Let's make up a, a rap for my
my lovely friends in the audience.
Yeah, you gave good suggestions.
(Audience cheering)
- We'll do our best to make a good rap.
Let's hear what my band have got to serve up.
(Bluesy keyboard)
- It's not the beat I was expecting at this time
of night, but
yeah, it makes it kind of romantic.
Really I'm quite glad we rejected AIDS
as a suggestion
given the
the sultry luxurious vibes that Rhett's throwing up.
Well let's um, let's do this.
♪ We're taking off like a runway. ♪
♪ Seeing that pedophile dead on the subway. ♪
♪ Did he kill himself hanging from the straps? ♪
♪ Jeffrey Epstein and we could throw him back. ♪
♪ Ghislaine Maxwell. ♪
♪ She's like, you should take the A or the F. ♪
♪ That's the Orange Line. ♪
♪ No way. ♪
♪ He would use an Uber or a private jet. ♪
♪ The Lolita Express. ♪
♪ That's the plane that he'd get ♪
♪ The underage ladies on. ♪
♪ He doesn't like it. ♪
♪ Mass transit, ♪
♪ Usually you can't find a place to sit. ♪
♪ He's like, nobody likes me ♪
♪ Unless they're a politician, ♪
♪ Then they invite me ♪
♪ To sit by them friends in high places. ♪
♪ We coming over here. ♪
♪ The smiles on your faces ♪
♪ But maybe when the drugs wear off ♪
♪ Your pop a pill again. ♪
♪ Yes. Thanks Zoloft. ♪
♪ That's the drug that we need. ♪
♪ Getting in your brain. ♪
♪ Serotonin generators. ♪
♪ Cocaine is a basic one, ♪
♪ But this makes me smile properly. ♪
♪ You were like New York City. ♪
♪ Of course. ♪
♪ I need a prescription that comes with the rent. ♪
♪ Your girl was like, woo. ♪
♪ It doesn't make sense. ♪
♪ Zoloft, Zoloft. ♪
♪ Zoloft for me. ♪
♪ Zo-Lots! It sounds like actually. ♪
♪ Ah, mad dude over here. ♪
♪ We need you. ♪
♪ You were saying ♪
♪ Riding on the subway in Hebrew ♪
♪ Sounding so sexy. ♪
♪ Even though I am a male, ♪
♪ I would have sex with you. ♪
♪ Your voice from Israel sounds incredible. ♪
♪ You're off that proclivity subway. ♪
♪ That's an outdoor activity. ♪
♪It didn't really fit, ♪
♪ But you took your chance. ♪
♪ I'll take a glance here. ♪
♪ Nice butt implants. ♪
♪ I really like it. ♪
♪ Looking over there. ♪
♪ Extra cushion on the chair in your derrière ♪
♪ Yeah. Where did you go to get these? ♪
♪ Feeling the thrill. ♪
♪ Fill up my backside down in Brazil. ♪
♪ It's where it was started. ♪
♪ Can't resist ♪
♪ Those big hips with the ♪
♪ Butt lift. ♪
♪ You go in to the surgeon. ♪
♪ It's actually a problem cuz the chance ♪
♪ Of dying when you've got them, it's really quite high. ♪
♪ I'm just saying. ♪
♪ Dying for beauty. ♪
♪ That's what we're praying. ♪
♪ Also, you could just work out a lot. ♪
♪ Go to the gym. ♪
♪ Do the one-legged squats. ♪
♪ Do the leg push. ♪
♪ But that doesn't take us quick time. ♪
♪ Okay. Over here. ♪
♪ Yeah. This prick. ♪
♪ My guy in the row. ♪
♪ It was like your fear. ♪
♪ Any suggestion but especially the Trail of Tears. ♪
♪ Oh yeah. ♪
♪ Suggestions. It's a whack one. ♪
♪ Who's responsible for it? ♪
♪ Andrew Jackson. ♪
♪ The worst president. ♪
♪ A real fucking chump. ♪
♪ But really in the Oval Office. ♪
♪ Right behind Trump. ♪
♪ He had a picture of him. ♪
♪ That's a fucking weird icon. ♪
♪ Oh, the Native Americans, ♪
♪ They were on their land. ♪
♪ Literally. They owned it, ♪
♪ But Jackson's like, nah, you've gotta go. ♪
♪ It goes south. ♪
♪ Go west. ♪
♪ Walk with no food. ♪
♪ Again, see how this really killed the mood? ♪
♪ Just talking about the Indians. ♪
♪They were dismayed ♪
♪ And imagine how it'd kill it ♪
♪ If you said AIDS. ♪
♪ So I'm glad you didn't. ♪
♪ I'm glad you wouldn't. ♪
♪ We're gonna have fun. ♪
♪ Yeah, we know we pushing. ♪
♪ Did we do all of the five? ♪
♪ Is there no more to do? ♪
♪ Well, there we go. ♪
♪ The freestyle rap, ♪
♪ We run the course through. ♪
♪ Boom. ♪
(Audience cheering and clapping)
- Cubans going to Miami in a hang-glider.
The hang-glider?
- [Audience Member] The Cuban hang-glider!
Oh! Oh fuck oh.
Ah yeah.
I hate myself too.
Okay, make it a little bit faster then because, okay, cool.
(Upbeat drum beats)
♪ We make it faster. ♪
♪ The BPM cranks up, we move there. ♪
♪ Groove in. ♪
♪ I'm taking hang-gliders from Cuba. ♪
♪ I'm using ♪
♪ The power there at the Zephyr ♪
♪ Miami, the Florida. ♪
♪ They would never guess a Cuban guy coming over here. ♪
♪ Me, oh my. ♪
♪ My plan I mixing with ham there ♪
♪ In the sky because they've got the ham and pork. ♪
♪ That's a Cuban sandwich. ♪
♪ I know you Jewish so you wouldn't manage ♪
♪ With that. ♪
♪ That's okay. ♪
♪ A forbidden meat. ♪
♪ The Cuban guy come in soaring ♪
♪ Many feet above the ground. ♪
♪ He comes in and he lands ♪
♪ Though about three hours drive south of Orlando. ♪
♪ Why is he doing escaping all the communist? ♪
♪ He was like Fidel Castro, whoa. ♪
♪ He'd be pretty pissed. ♪
♪ That's the dictator that he feared. ♪
♪ He doesn't like the guy ♪
♪ with all the cigars ♪
♪ And the beards or maybe Che Guevara. ♪
♪ But now he lands there. ♪
♪ He sees sexy ladies on the sands there. ♪
♪ He says, holy hell. ♪
♪ Makes my dick stand up. ♪
♪ They look nice because ♪
♪ They got the implants in their butts. ♪
(Audience cheering and laughing)
- There you go.
I'm sorry .
Thank you. Bye.