How do you challenge the man you're in a relationship with and how do you handle it when he's gone
away and ask for space? This is Ask Mark and welcome to week number 39 and we are absolutely
killing it nowadays. Loving these videos, my favorite segment and get to talk to you
directly and you get to ask questions. Really, really cool. So make sure you keep asking
them. Hit the big red subscribe button. Join the Facebook group, do it, do it, do it. Fantastic
group. We've got master coaches in there. Jermia, Brett. Check out Jermia's video as
well. Check out Jermia's video it's on the mastercoach channel. So I'll put the link
to that in the description as well. She is going fantastically and while she's not a
dating coach, her flirting skills, her specific high self esteem advice is absolutely out
of this world.
So check out her video. I'll put it to the mastercoaching channel in the link below.
She's in there helping me give advice. Brett's in there as well. I'm in there. So make sure
you join that Facebook group and don't forget flights are booked for the US. So get excited.
I'm going to have dates for you soon. We're going to do a workshop. I would love to see
you there. Let's get into today's questions and they are really fricking cool and this
is probably one of my favorites ever. Amanda says, I totally love your advice and how it
always seems sincere/real, down to earth, but I was curious if you could make a video
on how to challenge a guy in a relationship. I love challenging myself on all those, but
how can I present a challenge to my man in a fun and sweet way?
What are some nice ways us ladies can challenge men to grow and inspire them? I thought this
is a fantastic question. I'm definitely going to have to make a full production video out
of this, but I just wanted to touch on few points for today that will really help you
out, Amanda. I generally think of challenge in three specific categories. There's the
challenge that you can do with him. There's the challenge that you can do to sustain yourself
and be the challenging high value woman naturally in your relationship. And then there's the
ways to interact with him that will help challenge him that you can be responsible for and you
can really do a fantastic job with. So let's talk about each of these individually. So
first teaming with him. So this is the most obvious one is literally sit down and talk
about, all right, let's be, how do you love to be challenged? Asked him that, what do
you, what do you kind of bothers you a bit but you secretly love? Ask him what challenges
him and find out from him cause this is going to be the most specific way to do it in your
relationship. When you guys are working together as a team to create challenge and interest
and figuring out plans together, it's rather than you having to just challenge him, you
versus him. It's like you're being a team and going forward to create that challenge.
What that's, what that'll be for your relationship is going to be different for every relationship.
But literally ask him, how do you love to be challenged? What do I do that you love,
that challenges you that you secretly love and maybe you're a bit [inaudible] about,
but you secretly love it and then do more of those things. So work with him.
Now the second thing is the challenge that you provide on your own to be the attractive
woman naturally that you were when you met him and to continue to be that. Now it is
important, I should probably say on the last point that you do have your expectations in
the right place. I think a lot of us expect that the whole relationship will feel like
the first two years, and it doesn't necessarily, and that's something you can talk about with
him, but that doesn't mean you can't be constantly forming attraction by being a challenging
woman in your own life, right throughout the long course of a relationship. So things like
maintaining your own life, so going out with your friends, seeing your girlfriends, fellow
mothers, whatever it is, keeping up your fitness, your scheduling that. Maybe it's that passionate
hobby or business that you worked on so thoroughly when you met him.
Keeping up your life and the things you did when you met him is fundamentally important
to keeping that challenge and just being the attractive woman that he fell in love with.
Now the other thing that's really important is keeping your boundaries and standards up.
It's easy when we get more comfortable to start to settle in certain ways, and this
is a big trick when people get married is they almost go, okay, marriage is like the
end of the road. I found my happiness. Now, I can relax and it's crazy because the things
that brought you happiness before you are married are the exact same things that are
going to bring you happiness and attraction after you're married. I mean, marriage is
important. It's a big change in your legal status. It's a huge day, but ultimately you're
going to go back to being the same person that you were after the marriage as you were
before.
You start doing different things than the amount of challenge in your relationship is
going to change. So making sure you keep up those things. You keep you, you keep being
open minded to new things as well and keep growing and changing you and you're going
to consistently challenge your man. And the third aspect of this is things that you can
do to challenge them to grow and to stimulate him. And this is, I love this. This is absolutely
something that you have a special gift for in your relationship. And if you can challenge
your man, stimulate him, make him think it's going to be absolutely loved by the guy receiving
it. So things like number one, disagreeing with him when you disagree, stating your opinions
bouncing off each other, you know you are, you're saying I disagree. This is why he's
saying, Oh, I don't agree with this. This is why. Constantly sharing your opinions,
sharing your thoughts, challenging him, and you know, sometimes maybe you're saying no,
actually he's got some really good points. I think he's right. And sometimes he says,
Oh shit, I never thought about it that way. I think she's right. You're bouncing off each
other and you're stimulating his mind. So just as you would want him to stimulate your
mind with thoughts and growth, you're stimulating his with challenges as well.
Number two, calling him on his bullshit, calling him on his fears, so this is so, so powerful
and it'll be absolutely loved by your partner is when let's say he's acting a bit out of
fear or not acting a bit out of fear. He's procrastinating, he's, he's not wanting to
deal with, say something in the relationship or some problem and you say to him, all right
baby, come on. Let's not sweep this under the rug. Let's do this. It's like, wow. Oh,
she's called me on it. I know she's right. Oh, what a what? A, you know what a gift to
have that in your life. Things like if he is bullshitting himself and he's making excuses,
you go, you give them that look, we both know that's not true, right? That knowing, look,
that says, I'm not putting him up on a pedestal. I, he's still on my level. I know I can call
him on his bullshit. Men are going to absolutely love that. Which brings me to number three,
keeping him grounded. You know, bringing him up when times are tough, but also when he
gets too far up in the air, bringing him down, grounding him as a real man, knowing you know,
knowing he's not perfect and giving him shit and always teasing, being playful, having
fun.
I mean you look at celebrity relationships, Channing Tatum, George Clooney, how do you
think their women treat them? Just like the regular goofs that they are, right? So being
playful, teasing, keeping that flirting energy in your relationship and just remembering
that ultimately he's not someone to put up on a pedestal. He's your goofy partner and
you can treat him and have fun with him just like that. Oh great question. I'm going to
do another full video on that, but that was a really, really good one there from Amanda,
so thank you for posting that in ah, the other question is a multi question. It's from Risamore
and it's about what to do when a guy asked for space, it's from the space video. Her
first question was, when he says he needs space, can I still call or text him or should
I wait for his call or text and then reply. You can offer support Risa, certainly do that
if a guy asks for space you say, Hey look, I'm here if you do need anything, but after
you've said that, and he says, that's okay, just leave me with my space, that's the time
to leave him with the space. Second question, what if I sense something is wrong between
us, apart from his own issue, really Risamore the same thing applies. You don't know necessarily
when a guy's asking for space the exact reason, unfortunately it's not always communicated.
Sometimes he doesn't even know himself. It's just the stress, go back to my man cave response.
If he's not communicating it, you can't force him . So head over to that video if you don't
know the basis of where these questions are coming from, head over to that video, what
to do when he says he needs space. Follow that protocol. You can certainly ask your
support. You can certainly, uh, encourage him to open up. But if he's repeatedly just
saying, no, I need space, then give him the space. Often there is something going on,
but that's where you have to stop that clock ticking and go, okay, well if a man not going
to communicate with him, eventually, sadly, I have to let him go. A number three, what
if he is cheating on me while he said he needs space? Then he'd be gone Risa, get rid of
him. If a guy's doing that, it's pretty clear that he's not into the relationship, he's
not into you and you can do a whole lot better. So do not tolerate that whatsoever. Get him
the fuck out of there and get on with your life. That's the video. Thank you for watching.
Don't forget to check out Jermia's video in the mastercoach channel. Uh, she's on the
Facebook group as well as me and Brett, so make sure you join that Facebook group. Hit
that big red subscribe button and don't forget I'm going to be coming to visit you soon.
Give the video a thumbs up, and I'll see you in the next Ask Mark really soon.
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