Speaker 1 (00:00): What are some signs
that your ex has tried to replace you, but failed. That's what we're talking about
today in this video. Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hey, there it's clay with modern love.life. And today we're going to be talking about rebound
relationships, not just any rebound relationship though, but how do you know if your ex has tried
to replace you, but has somehow failed in their endeavor to do so? So rebound relationships are
actually interesting for a lot of reasons, but people that go into rebound relationships
often have a really unusual psychological, uh, motive in a lot of their behavior. The first one
is that they often, um, try to escalate their new relationship to about the same
level that they had with you. This is called displacement. You know, maybe you and your
partner were at a certain point in your commitment with one another. Maybe you are,
I don't know, talking about maybe getting married someday or something like that. And then, um,
you break up for one reason and then they get into a rebound relationship with someone else.
Speaker 1 (01:06): And then suddenly
them in this rebound are like getting really serious and talking about getting married someday,
it can hurt because you think, you know, wow, it took us whatever three years to get to that point.
And it only took them like three months to get to that point. Is their relationship so much stronger
that they knew that much faster? Not necessarily. It's really mostly just, just displacement. Your
ex is trying to recreate the same relationship that they had with you with this other person,
because it feels familiar. They're trying to recreate the same level of commitment,
whether that's moving in with it's being official, whether that's getting engaged,
whether that's getting married, whether that's doing something else, super common, don't freak
out about it. It just means that they're trying to replace you with someone else. And chances are,
it's probably going to fail rebound relationships, often fail, but, um, it's also going to fail
because it's not about them. Speaker 1 (02:02):
And this other person it's really about Deming. You, they're still dealing with their own
emotions from your breakup with them, um, that they, they have left unresolved that they're still
trying to cope with through this displacement. Now, the second thing is that they are trying to
end up in a rebound relationship with someone who is either, uh, very similar to you in some
capacity, either in physical appearance or in personality, or they're ending up in some sort of
rebound relationship with someone who's the polar opposite of you in some way. Now this, this is
really just a reaction to your relationship. Once again, obviously if they're dating someone who's
very similar to you, um, that should say, okay. Yeah, it's, it's obviously very similar to me.
So that makes sense. It's rebound relationship. But if it's someone who's, you know, the exact
opposite of you in some way, you know, maybe you are really emotionally off for some reason.
Speaker 1 (03:00): And they go and they date someone who's
like super like emotionally open. Um, then that's probably a reaction to your time together because
they're choosing to be with this person, not because of who this person is most likely,
but because this person is the opposite of you, this person is the opposite of their ex. And so
they're trying to replace you with someone who is basically the polar opposite of you.
And this is likely going to fail because you know, sure. You're going to learn things from your past
relationships and you can say, okay. Yeah, I guess I learned that it doesn't make sense to
me to date a narcissist. So I'm going to go ahead and, you know, date someone who's not
a narcissist, um, that can make sense if your whole decision-making process is who is my ex,
let me just date someone. Speaker 1 (03:49):
Who's the exact opposite of them. Then that's probably not a very good strategy because
you know, it's like, Hey, where do you want to go to, where do you want to go on vacation?
Where should we go on vacation? I don't know. Let's just, let's just not go to Hawaii.
Okay. Why are we going? I don't know. Are we going to Columbus, Ohio? Are you going
to Paris? France? Are we going to, to, to Bangkok? I mean, I guess we're probably not
going any of those places because it's 2021 and you know, the state of the world and all that,
but you don't really know where you're going. If you're just going off of the opposite
of your last partner and it's likely going to not be somewhere very intentional and it's likely not
going to result in a very great relationship. That's built on a lot of intentionality.
Speaker 1 (04:34): And this brings us to our third point,
which is that if they're in a rebound relationship, but they keep coming back
to you for one reason or another, it means that there's something that they're getting from
being with you, that they're not able to get from anyone else that they're seeing. It means
there's something unique that you bring to the table. It means there's something
special that you have, whether that's your ability to connect with them, whether that's, um, your,
your ambition, whether that's your kindness, whether that's your generosity, whether that's,
um, the way that you connect with others. I don't know, but there's something special about you. I
know that when you're going through a breakup, it can definitely feel like there's nothing special
about me. Like I'm just some person that's been discarded for whatever reason. And there's no
value that you have, but I don't want you to forget that there is value that you have, you are
a unique and special person. Speaker 1 (05:35):
And if your ax is, is coming back to you over and over again, then it, it definitely shows that
you do bring value to their life. And that you definitely do have, you know, something special
about you. And not just because of that, it's because we're all special and we're all unique.
And don't forget that, you know, I know it can be hard as you're going through a breakup, but
don't forget that you are a special and important person and you do deserve to be loved. And then,
um, there are very positive qualities about you. And I want you to step into those and embrace them
and live into your life as best as you can. And this brings us to the fourth point here,
which is that your ex is going to have a hard time replacing you. If you keep leveling yourself up,
if you keep becoming a better version of yourself, if you keep stepping into your values and
doing the right thing to live your best life, what do I mean by all of that?
Speaker 1 (06:27): Like, you know, there,
there's obviously like objective things that you could be doing. Um, like, you know,
maybe getting in shape, maybe earning more money, maybe taking care of your career and all that. And
maybe those are things that you should be doing, but I don't want you to just be blindly doing
those sorts of things. Cause maybe that makes sense. Maybe it doesn't make sense for you.
What I want you to be doing is I want you to be living a life that's important and
intentional for you and your values. I don't know it's important for you. You have your own
set of values. What's important for me is not, what's going to be important for you.
What I find to be a rewarding and fulfilling life for me is going to be different than what you
think is a rewarding and fulfilling life. Speaker 1 (07:06):
And so what I want you to do is I want you to stop and think about what is important for you.
What does it mean for you to live your best life? And then go ahead and align yourself with that and
then go after that live into those values. So if it makes sense for you to quit your job and
do something crazy, like start a business, go ahead and do it. If it makes you a happy to, to,
you know, travel around the world and do the whole digital nomad thing, go ahead and do that. Um, I
know that for a lot of people out there that have just like, you know, typical conventional jobs and
all that, it might seem like, Hey, maybe that sounds cool. And I want to do that, but I don't
see a path forward for that. Like, you don't have to do anything like totally crazy, like just burn
all the bridges you could, if you want to. Speaker 1 (07:49):
And there have definitely been people that have had a powerful success and motivation from
burning all the bridges, but you can at least just start saying like, okay, what makes sense for me
will make, maybe it just makes sense for me to start looking for, you know, work that I can do
remotely online, especially these days with everything going on in the world. There's a
lot of people that are working remotely. Maybe it makes sense for you to start a side business,
maybe keep doing what you're doing, but on the weekends or in your spare time,
go ahead and start something on the side that maybe could grow to the point where you could
finance, traveling around the world. I don't know whatever's important for you or maybe it's nothing
like that. Maybe, maybe what's important for you is just like having a good relationship with your
family, having a good relationship with your parents, patching up differences that you have
for some reason or other, or maybe like getting out of some bad environment. Maybe you're in a, a
town where people don't accept you for who you are or something.
Maybe you just need to be somewhere else. Don't, don't underestimate that.
Those are some important things to think about. And if you do want to go ahead and leave a comment
down below and let me know Speaker 2 (08:55):
What are some things that have led you to believe that maybe your ex has tried to replace you,
but has failed as long as you're up leveling yourself. And as long as you are creating new,
powerful things for yourself, we're going to be doing the exact right things that you need to do.
Go ahead and check out this video series over here as well, too, on how to stay strong
after a breakup and how to level yourself up, take care. And I'll talk to you next time.