- There's this expression called, "Level five clinger."
(Lara laughs)
But she was that.
And I was like, no. - I was that ladies.
I was that. The same. - It was not chill.
(somber music)
- We asked people the same questions
at different periods of time
following a breakup to see
how time has shaped their feelings about the experience.
(clicks)
(somber music)
- My name is Gabri.
- Hi, my name is Dennis.
- We were together for over two years
and we have been split for.
- For like, a month and a half.
- Yeah, month and a half.
- We've been split up for about a year and a half.
- Three years.
- Six and a half years.
- Nine years.
- [Interviewer] In this moment, how do you feel?
It's kind of weird to just like sit and
like be in my own little space, but like next to him.
- I have to say the same thing.
Like, but I like, I feel comfortable as well
cause like we've been together for so long.
So it's like, it's just.
- Were together - Were.
(Gabri laughs) - Were together.
- A little nervous, I guess.
- I'm very nervous.
- Yeah.
- I feel fabulous.
I get to share an amazing moment with an awesome friend.
(wind whooshes)
- We started dating freshman year of college.
So I was kind of just getting used to
being away from my family.
- I had just dropped out of college.
I was failing pretty hard.
That was just hard on me mentally.
- I was in eighth grade. I had dated a couple of girls,
but he's kind of the reason why I found out I was gay.
- I had this really great job,
I lived alone and I just really thought
that I was living the life.
(Christian laughs)
- My life when I started to date, my ex
was
pretty dark.
(clears throat)
My father passed away about a year and a half
before I met Lara.
- I was also going through a little rough patch.
I had
a fiance
that passed away
a little prior
and we were able to help each other through that together.
(wind whooshes)
(somber music)
- He wore a suit to class one day
and it caught my attention.
(both laugh)
I like went on Twitter and I was like,
"If this gets 50 likes, then I'll DM the boy from my class,
and I'll tell him I have a crush on him."
So I ended up sending him the tweet.
- So my friend - Bridget.
from high school
was performing on the Sunset Strip.
Lara Jean was at the bar
and I walked up to the bar to order a beer.
And then we started chatting it up.
- We met on a dating site.
This was like MySpace days.
And what drew me to him initially was his looks.
I think that in terms of online dating,
that's what it is first.
- Sometimes people are like,
"Oh, it's not physical."
But, honestly, with him, it was like,
he just looked very debonair.
It's his hair.
Yes!
(wind whooshes)
- Being in love with him, I think was
the type of young, naive, love
that a lot of queer youth specifically
think about.
You get to have that romantic experience
that all the straight kids seem to always get.
- And I felt the most comfortable with you.
Like, it just felt like floating on cloud nine
and we weren't stopping.
- I mean,
we had our super high highs and then like
the lows were terrible, so.
Emotional whiplash is like the best term I can use.
(wind whooshes)
(soft R&B music)
- Our breakup really felt fuzzy, to be honest.
When you break up with someone,
I think the healthiest thing is to have time apart.
But we never had any of that time apart
because we literally have a whole podcast together.
Made it really hard.
- It was very easy.
We had like friends over to like, be like,
"We broke up."
(both laugh)
- Like we're famous or something.
(both laugh)
- He shuts down when he doesn't wanna talk about things.
- I felt like
I would hurt her feelings if I said something
so I always kept to myself.
- I could just tell that he wanted to be like,
"We should break up."
But I knew he was too scared about my feelings.
(wind whooshes)
(soft R&B music)
- What's my favorite memory with him?
(soft R&B music)
- It was specifically one night
when we were in the parking lot of In N Out.
And we were listening to Moana
and we were just like singing along together really loud.
(soft R&B music)
- I think one of my favorite memories
was that part of like a relationship where you like
really like being someone's like family
and really getting to know them.
(wind whooshes)
- We're doing this, okay.
(Christian laughs)
So, my most pained memory
started with
us
having a fight
because he had been cheating.
And it just ended with him grabbing me by my hair.
And
essentially dragging me through my,
from my kitchen to my living room.
There were lots of red flags.
He came to my house once and never left.
I mean, I was 23 and naive as hell.
(scoffs)
And he was like one of my first boyfriends.
(wind whooshes)
- I think the biggest struggle for me
in our relationship was
just knowing the whole time that
we were most likely, never gonna end up on the same path
or in the same area.
- Yeah.
- There's this expression called, "Level five clinger."
(Lara laughs)
But she was that.
And I was like, no. - I was that ladies.
I was that. The same. - It was not chill.
(Lara laughs) It was not chill.
But when we talked about it, I was like,
"Hey, you need to go and find yourself.
I need to go and find myself."
- We had to like fly on our own paths.
I decided like it was probably best for me
to move out of Phoenix to the east coast
and change my scenery and do something different.
- The biggest struggle within the relationship was leaving.
One, I thought that that was it.
That I was never going to be in another relationship
and I needed to figure out how to make that work.
The other thing was just lots of manipulation.
(wind whooshes)
- Healing with our relationship has actually been
very easy for me because we had each other
throughout the whole process.
- Yeah.
- Healing from this relationship has
really looked like
a lot of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.
- My family, my life, my unit that was there
was the most important for me.
- Healing from this relationship has looked like
healing from relationships with my parents.
Being the initial reasons why
I was choosing
these types of relationships to be in, in the first place.
(wind whooshes)
- I didn't work out much when we were together
because she loved me so I felt like
I didn't really have to fix myself.
So I have been going to the gym
and that's been really well for me because it's just
trying to find myself and how I can be better.
- Our relationship then was naive.
I really didn't know how to love another person.
I barely knew how to love myself.
- I was a little crazy.
(both laugh)
Yeah. I just didn't know what was going on,
what I wanted, what I didn't want.
And I was like testing it all out on him.
And now
I know who I am
and I think that's a huge difference.
(wind whooshes)
(soft R&B music)
- It just
was a catalyst
for me to learn more about myself.
That I am very, very strong.
That I just am deserving of love.
- She gave me this perspective on how to find myself
and that was important because
I was lost looking for it then.
You gave me the tools I needed.
- Vice versa.
Absolutely. (Trenton laughs)
Cool. With it. - Yeah.
- I appreciate Lisa being Lisa
and being like goofy and funny
and just someone that I can always be myself with.
(wind whooshes)
- Thank you for giving me like the love you had for me
and just being great to me.
- I'm just so happy that you're in my life.
- I'm sorry for everything that I did to you back then.
- Oh, no.
(Lara laughs)
Oh my God, I can't Trenton.
Because of you, I like was able to get through everything.
That's why I love keeping you around
cause you remind me of how much I've grown.
- In this moment, I would like to tell my ex,
thank you
for
being someone
who
showed me
what
I don't need.
- I'm pettiest.
(Lara laughs)
- Thank you, love you, you're my best friend in the world.
And thank you for being in my life.
(Lisa laughs)
- We're such babies.
(both laugh)
(Dennis sighs)
- It's gonna be an awkward drive back.
(Gabri laughs)
We drove together. It's two hours away.
(Gabri laughs)
Lot to unpack on the way back. - No.