Hello Aluxers and welcome back to a special Sunday motivational video which
you’re gonna love, because you’ll get to test-run the information immediately
in both your personal and professional life as we’re taking a look at rules of negotiation.
Every interaction you have is more or less a negotiation for a desired outcome.
From asking your crush out on a date, to signing a multi-million dollar client,
it all boils down to your skill set.
Fundamentally, you can negotiate anything if you know the following 3 things:
1. exactly what you want,
2. how little you're willing to accept, and 3. what you'll do if the deal doesn't work out.
Everything else we will be discussing is just here
to support these 3 things and give you the biggest edge you can get.
With that said, here are the 15 most valuable negotiation skills and tactics!
Number 1: Figure out what you really want or you’re gonna lose
You would not believe just how many people get into negotiable situations without having a
clear understanding of what they REALLY want and having a way to clearly put it clearly into words.
Here’s a very common situation: “Ohh you want to earn more per month?”
“sure.. Here’s 20% more work for you to do and we’ll increase your pay by 20%”
“we’ve given you just what you asked for”.
But that wasn’t what you wanted was it?!
You see.. There’s anoher important rule in life that gtoes like this:
You don’t get what you want in life, you get what you’re willing to negotiate.
And for you to negotiate effectively, you need to have a clear understanding of what you want
specifically and what you’re willing to exchange in order to get it.
Number 2: Negotiate EVERYTHING We personally negotiate everything and you’ll find
out that most rich people do the same. There’s never a circumstance where the rich won’t try to
get a better deal, because historically they’ve always been offered one when they asked for it.
Another big rule is:
If you don’t ask, you don’t get!
Starting today, everywhere you go ask for a better deal. Without doing anything you’re likely to get
a 5 to 10% discount just because you asked for it, which otherwise you would’ve spent out of pocket.
We negotiate cars, jewelry, business deals, terms, even in everyday shops. We got big discounts
in both Luxury stores and commercial ones like Zara just because we were willing to pay cash.
As a pro tip, always ask the person who is able to make this kind of decision:
What can you do to get me a better deal?
Or if you’re talking to a clerk,
have them reach out to the person who’s able to make those kinds of calls and get back to you.
Number 3: The one who prepares more wins
By this point we expect you to have made and effort and figure out what
YOU want from an upcoming negotiation, so it’s time to take it a step further.
Ask yourself the following questions: Who are you going to negotiate with?
Is this the person who is able to make the kind of decision you’re looking for? - another pro tip:
the boss will always be more flexible than middle management.
What is this person like? What are their values? What do they look for in a partner?
What is important to them? What do they expect to
get out of this negotiation? What is negotiable and what isn’t?
What is there for them to lose if this doesn’t work out?
How can you come up with a creative way to get both of you what you want?
This is an old WAR STRATEGY that comes into play in everyday life all the time.
The tale goes like this:
When two generals go to war, both of them are trying to simulate what the
other general will do on the battlefield. The one who is closer to the truth wins!
This is why preparation is so important!
Here’s something important every one of you should know:
If you realize you're not adequately prepared to negotiate, it's okay to reschedule and walk away.
The worst thing you can do is go to war without being properly prepared.
You’ll just get slaughtered.
Number 4: Mirroring works, until it gets creepy We know you guys are interested in secret
techniques and tactics so this one’s actually pretty efficient.
All negotiation is, is listening to the other side and building
enough trust that you can move forward in the relationship: be it personal or professional.
This technique focuses on starting your sentences the same way the other person finishes theirs
in order to build a report. Make sure to use the key words that they used in their speech.
This is commonly known as mirroring and people have been using it in both
verbal and non verbal communication
Begin your sentence with the last 3 words and then add what you’re going after.
All mirroring does is signal the other person that you two are very much alike
and will get along great. It’s no rocket science that people are more
likely to engage with those they find similar in nature.
Here’s a pro tip we really want you to know:
Do not overuse specific techniques!
People pick up when you’re doing something on purpose and it’s a major red flag. Just because
you’ve once read in a book that you should look a person in the eye when talking to them,
it’s more than ok, actually you MUST, avert your gaze away in the span of a
20 minute conversation if you don’t want to come off across as a weirdo.
Our advice is for you to practice these technique until they become involuntary and natural.
Number 5: Tactical Empathy is your most valuable tool
Tactical Empathy is one of those things that have
changed the way negotiations are being done in the modern world.
It all boils down to making your partner feel safe,
in control and build the feeling of good faith between you two.
Effective negotiation rests on building at least the perception of mutual gains.
There are specific strategies and skills you can
deploy in order to get the best outcome you can get:
Here’s a list of the most important ones
Demonstrate that you are negotiating in good faith. - you’re not looking to screw them over.
Be genuinely interested in what drives the other side. - if you
know what they’re willing to achieve you can tailor your offering to their liking.
Don’t suppress emotion - use them to keep the ball rolling
Deactivate negative feelings and magnify the positive ones - this
slowly builds trust and will get you where you need to go.
Look for tells - people will signal what they really want even if they don’t verbalize it.
We’ve learned a lot about negotiation through practice but these type of specific skills you
can only find with professionals who’ve been doing this their entire lives. The ultimate book on this
topic is called: Never Split the Difference and it’s written by a former FBI hostage negotiator.
In our opinion it is hands down the one you should get if you’re looking to improve.
Even better, if you go to alux.com/freebook right now and sign up,
you can get the audiobook version of never split the difference for free
thanks to our partnership with Audible. We’ll also leave a link to it in the description.
Number 6: Smart people Search for Smart trade-offs
Always look for smart trade-offs, no matter what you do in life.
Here’s what we mean when we say smart trade-off.
There are some cases, where very little effort on your
behalf could make the entire difference for someone else.
On a personal level: calling your parents or your grandparents illustrates it perfectly. It
will require 10 minutes of your time and it would make their entire day.
Low effort leads to big outcomes.
You can find these in business as well if you know where to look.
One phone call or recommendation of someone you’ve worked with in the past can solve a
really expensive problem for the person you’re interested in doing business with
and this will carry a lot of weight in your relationship.
Number 7: Make at least 2 offers at the same time and have them pick between them
This is an interesting approach that helps you figure out what
is the best way to approach the situation in order to get what you want out of it.
Structure the deal in 2 different ways and have the other person pick one.
This will signal to you what they value more and what is the right way to win them over.
Once they pick, you have the control of the situation
despite allowing them to be the ones to “call the shots”.
A very important thing to note is:
If you have the power in a negotiation, do not talk about it.
Keep your mouth shut and play the game until the end.
Number 8: When negotiating with people you care about,
reputation trumps an ultimate win This takes a level of maturity to pull off.
Sometimes, winning is too expensive.
This happens in marriages all the time. Would you rather not talk to your wife for a week
just to prove you were right? Probably not. You’re stupidly winning the round but losing the game!
When it comes to the reputation play, let’s say you’re dealing with someone you care about,
you’re doing business with a friend or relative. Although you might have all the cards and
could easily dry them out, your reputation becomes more valuable than the extent of
the win, for you’re probably gonna win anyway, might as well win respectably.
This builds goodwill in your life and goodwill is important. People will
recommend you because of it and the long term returns are greater than the short term win.
Number 9: Never let emotions block you from getting what you need
Sometimes you won’t like the person you’re negotiating with
on a personal level, but you find yourself at the table because you need something.
We people are all different. We grew up in different places,
have different upbringings, different levels of education and ethics. Knowing how to navigate
this sea of personalities is one of the most valuable skills you can have in your arsenal.
There’s a fine line between tolerating and deciding to walk away.
We’ve learned that this line moves depending on how badly you need the result to go your way.
Ideally, emotions wouldn’t be a variable in a negotiation, facts would trump everything,
numbers would do the talking and deals would close without a word spoken, but that’s not how it is.
Emotions, not logic usually determines the outcome of a negotiation.
You need to master yours and then learn to read
and change your approach according to what the other side is feeling.
Number 10: Get to “that’s right” as quickly as possible
“That’s right” is a magical phrase in negotiation. It means that both
parties are in agreement and that’s how successful negotiations are conducted.
The more one side agrees with the other, the more in line their objectives are,
the more likely the deal is to close.
Too many people go into a negotiation not thinking about the other side or what their goals are.
Decisions come from a part of the brain that’s usually
left unguarded. That’s the same spot where agreement is as well,
that’s why you know deep down if you’re going to say yes or no to a proposal, it’s from within.
The more you can get someone to agree with you the
more that pattern of behavior will show itself in the negotiation.
In Goal Mastery we show you step by step how to get a pay raise or negotiate with other people on
how to always get what you want.. Believe it or not we give you the exact words and what to say
and we can’t wait for you to try it and put it to good use this next year.
For those interested, we’re currently in post-production and we’re estimating the launch
to be in the first quarter of 2021. If you’re not on the waiting list, go to alux.com/goals
and be sure to leave your email there.
Number 11: You cut, I pick method This is one of our all time favorite ways to
settle disputes. It works from high end business deals to the children in your own household.
To explain it simply, it goes like this: [it would be great if we could illustrate this]
Let’s say you have 2 children, you are fighting over a piece of cake. They’re both fighting
over it and don’t know how to share it so the other one doesn’t get more cake than they do.
The You Cut, I Pick rule, has one of the brothers cut the cake in half
and the other gets to pick which side they want.
This way both parties have control over the outcome. Ideally, the brother will
slice the cake perfectly in the middle, because if they try to do anything shady,
they’ll lose more of their piece when the other person gets to pick.
Use it wisely!
Number 12: Negotiation is a mix between Sales & Therapy
Some people never listen… some people never ask.
In order to be a successful negotiator you need to understand both and know when to use each.
There’s a time for selling and there’s a time for listening and it just so happens
that the more you listen the more you understand when is the right time to sell!
Why do people go to therapy? They already know what’s happening inside their minds..
They’re just trying to make sense of it.
That’s what happens in a negotiation. You enter a negotiation trying to figure out
how to make it work and get what you want. That’s what both parties want.
You’ve met to solve a problem and the solution can benefit both parties.
Anything else than that isn’t a negotiation, it’s a hostile takeover.
Same as in therapy, asking WHY do you want something is often
times more valuable than WHAT do you want.
Understanding the reasoning behind their decision will lead to creative
solutions where other things get put on the table that you didn’t even consider.
When it comes to selling we have a great video titled How to sell anything that’s
5 minutes long and you can check out by clicking in the top right corner.
Number 13: Never share your reserve point
The reserve point is the lowest option you’d still consider taking.
All your strength lies in keeping the negotiation as far away from your reserve point as possible.
Never let people know the minimum you’re willing to take.
The more you think about negotiation the more you understand that it is
simply a game between two parties that try to guess each other’s reserve point
If you can guess the other party’s reserve point, you win.
Number 14: Never give anything without getting something in return
The worst thing one can do in a negotiation is give anything away for free.
Unless you’re feeling charitable, this is also true in life.
Too many employees pick up additional work without asking for anything in return.
That’s how you end up working so damn much and get paid so little.
There’s an old saying: “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” that one should always
remember when going out of their way to make something happen for someone else.
This is probably the only place where the Rule of Equivalent Exchange,
mentioned in Fullmetal Alchemist applies to real life.
In order to get something, you have to give something in return.
Number 15: Always have a back-up plan
The worst thing you can do entering a negotiation is not having a back-up plan.
If you don’t have a back-up, all you’re doing is bluffing.
It takes away a very powerful tool: your option of walking away!
The back-up plan even has a specific terminology in negotiation. It’s called: BATNA
BATNA stands for “Best alternative to a negotiated agreement”
This is the type of info they used to teach us at Business School btw,
we never used the terminology since; but there’s some truth to it.
How good is your alternative?
What kind of differentiator are we talking about? Quality? Price? Time to delivery?
You need to consider all of these. Think of it like this:
if you go and ask for a raise knowing you have another job lined up at a different
company if your boss says no, how does your approach differ? Would you feel in control
and powerful enough to stand your ground? Sure you will.
BATNA is all about acquiring as much control on your side as possible.
Which brings us to today’s question: What’s one thing you wish to negotiate in the near future?
We’re always excited to hear from the community and we’re always blown
away by the support you Aluxers show one another in the comments!
As for those of you watching until the end here’s
one of our mantras that served us well throughout our lives.
Bonus: Reality is negotiable Those of you who have been Aluxers
for a long long time might remember this because it’s something we 100% believe in.
There are some things outside of your control, like the place you were born in,
who your parents are… but your reality isn’t one of them.
Your reality is… YOURS! You are living and crafting
it based on what you expect it to be and what you are willing to give in return.
When we first realised that you can quite literally negotiate
with reality our entire lifeview changed.
You can ask reality for anything and it will require specific things in return. Those
specific things require effort, but since you’re already at the negotiation table,
you know they’re worth it for you.
Want a big house.. Life is willing to give it to you if you exchange it for X amount of effort.
Want a lovely family… this is what you need to trade for it.
That’s what people mean when they say life is endless in possibility. You can
quite literally negotiate almost every aspect of your life. If you’re willing to make the trade,
you can rid yourself of everything you don’t like or want in your life.
But most people don’t want to trade. Good negotiations take time, effort and resources.
Big deals don’t get closed minutes or days. It takes big companies sometimes
years to figure out how to make a deal and you’re sitting there expecting life
to give you everything you’ve ever wanted the next morning.. Of course it won’t.
Take this moment in time to think about your reality and what can be
negotiated. Want a better job, negotiate for it. What more time with your kids,
negotiate for it. For anything you want there’s someone you can negotiate with.
We can’t wait to hear what you do with these lessons
and what you will negotiate for yourself ALuxers.
It’s been an honor having you here with us today and we’re thankful to everyone of you that made
it this far into the video. Just so we can know your name, please write “RIN” in the comments,
which stands for reality is negotiable. This way we know our message got to the right people!