-We're here with Seth Rogen, and, Seth, I'm excited
that you agreed to come on the show tonight.
It's always great to see you. -Thank you, Seth.
-And along with being a guest on our show,
we have known each other personally for a while.
-We have.
-And sometimes when you know somebody for that long,
there are moments when feelings get hurt.
-That's true. And you don't always
have a chance to stop and say you're sorry.
-So I thought, with the time we have together right now,
we would make amends for any past transgressions
we've committed against one another
in a segment we're calling...
-"Seth and Seth Clear the Air."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I will start. Seth?
-Yes, Seth?
-I am sorry that I was unable to meet up with you
when I was in Los Angeles last month.
It was a really quick trip, and I didn't have spare time.
-No spare time?
-No. -Not even 10 minutes?
-My schedule was packed.
-5 minutes?
-Sorry, but no.
-One minute? You didn't have one free minute?
-I guess I did have one free minute.
-Yeah. I knew it.
You stupid, lying son of a bitch.
-I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?
-Seth, you are forgiven.
[ Twinkling ]
My turn.
-Seth? -Yes, Seth?
-Do you remember that time
we were all at that New Year's Eve party at my apartment
and I gave everyone pot brownies
and you had that really bad experience?
-Yeah. That really freaked me out.
-That's because I actually gave you a meth brownie.
[ Laughter ]
-What?
-Yeah. It was the world's first-ever meth brownie.
You're kind of like a pioneer.
You're like Johnny Appleseed, but for meth.
-I was on meth?
-[ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah.
-Why did you give everyone else pot, but me meth?
-'Cause I thought you were kind of a dick.
But then I got to know you, and now I like you.
-So you wouldn't give me meth now.
-No, I still would. If my apartment needed cleaning.
I mean, when you were on meth,
you just started vacuuming for 24 hours straight.
I wish you were wearing clothes when you did it,
but the place was spotless.
Anyway, do you forgive me?
-Seth, you are forgiven.
[ Twinkling ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
My turn. Seth? -Yes, Seth?
-I am sorry I was unable to attend
the premiere of "The Disaster Artist."
My son got sick, and I had to stay home with him.
-So I guess what you're saying
is your son is more important than me.
-Yes.
-Well, then, I have really misjudged
our whole relationship.
Wait, wait, wait. Is your wife more important than me, too?
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God!
My world has just been flipped upside down.
-Wait. Isn't your wife more important than me?
-Of course not! No!
It goes you, my wife,
Jonah Hill, James Franco, your wife...
and then my mom.
-Oh.
I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?
-Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Yeah, you are forgiven. Yeah.
[ Twinkling ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Seth? -Yes, Seth?
-I'm sorry for that time we were on that plane together
and I told the flight attendant you were acting "suspiciously."
-They escorted me off the plane.
-Uh-huh.
-And I was detained and questioned for several hours.
-Yeah. And then what happened?
-You know what happened.
-Yeah, I know, but I want to hear you say it.
-I don't want to say it.
-Come on, man. Just say it.
-[ Sighs ] They did a full cavity search.
-[ Laughs ]
Yeah, they really did.
Do you forgive me?
-Seth, you are forgiven.
[ Twinkling ]
[ Applause ]
My turn. Seth? -Yes, Seth?
-Well, because we have the same name,
sometimes I get e-mails that are intended for you,
and recently I got one
that I didn't forward to you until two days later.
Do you forgive me?
-Seth, I forgive you.
[ Twinkling ]
[ Applause ]
Seth? -Yes, Seth.
-I also got an e-mail intended for you
that I forgot to forward.
-Who was it from?
-Steven Spielberg.
-What did he want?
-He wanted you for a role in "Lincoln."
-What role? -Abraham Lincoln.
He said you were the only actor he could see in the role
and he hoped you would say yes
so he wouldn't have to settle for Daniel Day Lewis.
-And you didn't bother sending this to me?
-No, but I did reply to him.
-What did you say?
-I said, "Dear Steven,
you, sir, are an overrated hack
who has gone downhill since 'Jaws.'
'Saving Private Ryan' is a snooze-fest,
and E.T. looks like an old man's flaccid penis...
[ Laughter ]
...I assume.
-[ Laughs ]
[ Applause ]
And the last thing I'd ever want to do
is be in one of your [bleep] movies."
-Did you sign the e-mail as Seth Rogen or Seth Meyers?
-Oh, as Seth Meyers.
I would never insult Steven Spielberg.
I want to be in his movies.
-Well, I guess that does explain why the last time I saw him
he open-hand slapped me in the face.
-Yes, I mean after what you said to him, you do deserve it.
Seth, do you forgive me?
-You are forgiven.
[ Twinkling ]
Seth, you are my favorite Seth.
Thank you so much for doing this.
-Seth, thank you for having me,
and my favorite Seth is Seth MacFarlane.
-This has been... -"Seth and Seth Clear the Air."