- Can we kill a Scottish man with Southern food?
The answer is yes, we'll find out how much it takes.
(jaunty fiddle music)
Hey y'all, it's Matt,
I've got with me today
- Christopher Harress
- And he is from
- Scotland, but livin' in Mobile.
- But you're from Scotland.
- From Scotland, Edinburgh Scotland, the capital city.
- How many Dollar Generals do y'all have?
- Oh, none, that's why I left.
- We've got 10 of them within a one mile radius
of where we're shootin' right now.
All right so today what we're gonna do
is I'm going to give you a variety of Southern treats
and then you will tell me whether or not
they have your approval.
- They have my approval regardless.
- That's very kind of you.
First we're gonna try a classic treat, the Moon Pie.
You have to eat this entire box.
- Cool.
- I hope you've written out, like a will or something
before you came here today.
- I've got a will, it's on Twitter.
- Now you living in Mobile, you are familiar
with the Moon Pie.
- That's right.
- The moment you step foot in the city limits of Mobile
you are attacked by Moon Pies.
- That's right, yeah.
- Also, too, I like that the back of this box
gives you recipes for moon pies.
So the instructions are basically, make a hot fudge sundae
then stick a Moon Pie in it. - How do you make a Moon Pie?
That's what I thought that might be.
- They will not give their secret away.
- Okay, good point.
- Yeah it's like KFC's 11 herbs and spices.
- I know 10 of 'em, so.
(violin screeching)
- Oh yeah, these are the big size.
Moon Pie?
- Oh my gosh, than you.
- There you go.
Oh, this is a single decker.
Now at the gas stations you can get a double decker.
- It says on the back here, microwave
for an out of this world dessert.
All right, here goes.
Mm, very smooth.
- You really taste that moon don't ya?
I mean, is there anything like this in Scotland?
- We have these things called custard cremes,
and that's, I know it's custard,
that's as close as I think it comes.
- So how many Scottie dogs do you give the Moon Pie?
- The banana one, I mean it's pretty good,
you can't, three out of five.
- Three out of five Scottie dogs.
- That's a high mark from me.
It may be too sweet, and I would prefer it
if it was some like actual banana in there.
- Here's the thing about Southern snacks,
number one we only do imitation flavors around here.
And two, there is no such thing as too much sugar.
- Good coloring though, I love the coloring.
- All artificial.
Those are chemicals.
Next we're gonna try the Goo Goo Cluster,
also a product of Tennessee,
they make all the good stuff.
Oh, whoa, whoa, it's a variety pack!
We have original, pecan, and peanut butter.
How would you say that word over there?
- I think originally I would have said pee-kin pro-leen.
Pee-kin.
- Pee-kin?
- Pee-kin, round about that, yeah.
- Some Southerners
- Pi-cawn
- Say pee-can.
- Oh.
- Let's try, you need to just do the original.
- Oh they're individually packaged.
- Yeah, I mean yeah, you don't wanna just throw a,
you don't want a whole box full of Goo Goo's.
- What about the environment?
- Um, what about it?
- Oh, it smells really good.
- Oh yeah, well that's the chocolate
and the marshmallow. - I mean, I'm havin'
a flashback to my childhood.
It's like a particular type of chocolate.
- Milk chocolate.
(Christopher laughs)
- Oh milk, that's what it is.
All right, here goes.
What's on the bottom?
- Oh that's caramel, right?
- Marshmallow, oh look a nut cluster.
- Oh and there's nougat in here too.
I don't even know what nougat is.
- Me either.
Okay this was really good, this is better than the Moon Pie.
- I would agree with that.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Four out of five.
- Four out of five Loch Ness Monsters.
- Yeah four out of five (mumbles)
(laughs) I'm delirious from sugar already.
- (laughs) What?
- My dentist is gonna see this.
Not payin' for those teeth any more.
- To be honest, teeth are kind of overrated.
(Christopher laughs)
Next up is cheese straws.
- [Christopher] Oh, environmentally friendly straws.
- I mean if we're gonna replace straws
to like have permanent straws,
they should all have to be silly straws.
Here.
- Thank you.
- These are, ingredients in this, only four.
Extra sharp cheese, flour, margarine, and spices.
- And where's it from?
- This was made in Alabama.
- So the first thing that-- flying cheese straw.
- What are you thinking?
- Really enjoyable.
- I think of these as fancy party snacks.
- The kind of parties I get to go to are like,
they have these red cups, there's not really any food there.
- I tell you what, you can have the whole bag.
- All right.
- But pace yourself 'cause this, we've got lots more to do.
- I know.
Like I like the savory stuff
so this was a particular highlight for me,
and now having tasted the cheese straws
I think I overrated the other stuff.
So I would like to give the cheese straws
seven out of five castles.
- Whoa.
- Scottish castles, none of those English castles.
Here's to Mook and his mill.
I like that sunflower.
- It's probably just free clip art from Windows.
Next up is the Chick-O-Stick.
Yes, this is one of my favorites growin' up.
It's crunchy peanut butter and toasted coconut candy.
This is extremely rare that I managed
to find two of these that are not broken.
- Look at this, so you say they're normally broken,
look it says break me.
- Yeah, they're onto it, they know.
These are from Texas.
- Okay, I know where that is.
I used to watch, what's that show,
there's a lot of mascara, they wore lots of,
had big hair.
- Dallas?
- Dallas, used to watch that when I was a kid.
- How old are you?
- It was on VHS, my grandmother taped it.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, God, it tastes like,
it just tastes like sugar, really.
- It's a little bit like the inside of a Butterfinger bar.
This is better than a Butterfinger bar.
- Really?
- Oh yeah.
- Oh I don't know about that.
If I really tell a huge lie, it tastes like coconut
and peanut butter.
- It's toasted coconut on the outside.
Coconut is the eighth ingredient, after vitamins.
(both laughing)
- What vitamins?
We also say vit-a-mins where I'm from.
- Vit-a-mins?
- Yeah.
- I don't like that.
- Um, this was awful.
Sorry, it was really bad.
- How many kilts do you give it?
- No, no kilts.
One skirt out of ten.
- Is that not a kilt?
- No, sir.
(both laughing)
No that was really bad, send that back to Texas.
Where's the cheese straws?
- I love them, they're delicious.
I'm not giving you back the cheese straws
after what you said about Chick-O-Stick.
Next up, pork skins.
These are flavored with Louisiana hot sauce.
- I like both of those things.
We have those and they're called pork scratchings.
We get it in a pub, a bar, an inn,
whatever you wanna call it.
- None of those things.
- (laughs) All right, where you go to drink
and forget about your life.
- The porch.
- The porch. (laughing)
You drink beer with those.
- I don't know if you are aware of this,
you can drink beer with anything.
That's called freedom,
(Christopher laughs)
and we got tons of it in America.
- That hot sauce - This hot sauce
- Has to be my favorite.
- This is hot sauce covered freedom.
Louisiana hot sauce is your favorite?
- Yeah, that one looks good.
Hello pig.
- They're all good.
- Mm, hey!
- Very good, right?
- Wow. - Yeah.
- Can I have another one of those?
- Have at 'em.
- Right.
- I want another one too.
- [Man] What!
- I know, look at it.
- That pig was huge.
- Well that's how we do it in America.
- Um.
- (crunching) Go on!
Oh, look at that one!
- That looks like a musical note.
- That's why that pig died, for that right there, art.
How many bagpipes do you give the pork skins?
- (sighs) given how our rating system's going so far,
five out of five for the bagpipes.
- Wow.
- Yeah, they were really good.
- Well that's the end of that.
Next up is pimento cheese.
Or Palmetto cheese.
It's made in South Carolina.
- I've heard of South Carolina.
- It exists.
- This stuff is delicious.
- I've had homemade, I don't think I've had it
out of this factory made jar.
- You can put pimento cheese on pretty much anything
but we'll put it on crackers today.
- All right. - You can put it on pork skin.
- I was just about to say that!
- We'll try it in a second, hold on a second.
- My God, we're vibing.
- I'll load you up.
- Oh thank you.
I'll wait for you.
I can't wait.
- Ready for this?
Let's make this happen.
- Golden Flake Louisiana hot sauce pork skin
with pimento cheese on the inside.
- It's a long name for a sandwich
but I think we can make it work. It's good?
- Oh yeah, well you've got that extra crunch in there
with the soft.
- I'm gonna make like a, take a little shell.
- Little taco type sort of delivery system.
- Tack-o?
- Ta-coh.
- I would not have thought that's how you would say taco.
- Say it again?
- Taco.
(man laughing)
don't waste the cheese.
- That's pretty good.
- Yeah.
- I think we're onto something.
- That's a thing.
- And we call that the Alabama Take-o.
- (laughing) the take-o.
Welcome to my take-o stand.
(Matt laughing)
The Scottish Take-o stand.
- How many Bravehearts do you give the pimento cheese?
- Eight out of five Bravehearts.
How many Mel Gibsons do you give the Alabama Take-o?
- Oh, well, I mean I think we just changed history with that
so probably a good 10 out of five Gibsons.
- Up next, to wash it all down, a southern classic
of peanuts in Coke.
- Salted?
- That's the only way to do it, yeah.
- This is the funny part, really,
oh that wasn't bad. - There you go, you got it.
I will preface this by saying that I have not had
peanuts and Coke since probably high school.
- Wait, that's it?
- And then you just, yeah, I'm sorry it's not more magical.
- All of them?
- You know, to your liking.
- Oh no, I don't know what my liking is.
- That's it.
- Why is this a thing, who came up with this?
- My paw paw, maybe?
- I feel it's the sort of thing
that seems to have started as an accident
and they were like, okay.
- It's entirely possible.
- I feel like we've wasted the Coke.
I'll be honest with you that wasn't that good.
So Scrooge McDucks, two out of five Scrooge McDucks.
Here.
- The true Southern way is for you to say
"it was really good, I liked it"
and then when you leave you can talk as bad about it
as you want to.
In conclusion we've learned that Southern treats
are at the very least, good,
and when they're at their best they are
ten Bravehearts, which is the best thing
you could say about anything, probably.
- Yeah.
- We're talkin' about Braveheart on VHS tape too.
- Yeah, 1996.
- With like two days late at Blockbuster.
- Yeah, love it.
- The way things should be.
(jaunty fiddle music)
(both laughing)
Thanks for watching.
- Bye, love you.
(both laughing)