Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette! In today's video, we'll discuss a few
lessons I've learned since leaving my teenage years behind to give some of our
younger viewers some ammunition for adulthood. In a recent video, Raphael
shared 10 things he wishes he had known in his 20s; now that he's in his 30s and
has some hindsight on the matter, I'm currently about halfway through my
20s and I can safely say that I found several of those tips to be quite
helpful. With that said, our comments section also illustrates that we've got
a number of aspiring gentlemen who are still in their teenage years so I've
compiled my own list of a few things I wish I had known when I was that age.
Without any further ado, let's jump right in!
Tip number one is to start saving money now while you still have a safety net.
Now, Raphael also began his list with a tip
about saving money and at first glance, you might think that he gave the
opposite advice. After all, his tip was that you can't save your way into
prosperity, however, these points aren't actually
mutually exclusive. What Raphael meant to say is that you can't set yourself up
for financial stability or a more prosperous lifestyle just by pinching
all of your pennies and trying to do everything on the cheek. Rather, instead
of trying to save a few dollars or cents here and there with each purchase you're
making, it's important to set aside money for savings at the outset that you won't
be tempted to use when making purchases. In other words, it's important to make a
budget, make savings a part of that budget, and then stick to the plan you've
made. That way, your savings will accumulate interest and they'll be there
for emergencies if you need them but you won't be tempted to dip into them every
time you're making a purchase. Also, it's likely that as a teen, you're probably
still a legal dependent of someone else and therefore, you're not paying expenses
like rent, utilities, and so on. If that's the case for you and you don't
have these expenses, maximize your savings now. Number two is another
financial tip, quality is a better long-term investment than quantity. As a
teen, and like we said it's probable that you don't have many expenses but at the
same time, you might not yet have a full-time job or any job at all and
therefore, not have a great steady source of income, whatever the case, if your
income is limited, not only should you be saving money but you should also be wise
when you do choose to spend it. This philosophy can extend to any type of
purchase, of course, but to relate it back to the Gentleman's Gazette's central theme
of menswear, it's better to have in your wardrobe core pieces of quality garments
that are well-made and will last you a long time than to have a closet full of
cheaply made garments that will wear out after only one or two uses. Take it from
style icon, Cary Grant, who once related a lesson that his father had taught him.
It's better to buy one pair of good shoes than four cheap ones. And to use
myself as an example here, I did buy cheap shoes for a number of years but
only once getting into my twenties and indeed joining the Gentleman's Gazette
did I finally fully internalize the wisdom of saving up money to buy one
good quality pair of shoes. On that note, be sure to stay tuned for some upcoming
content about some of our favorite dress shoe brands in the $100 to $300 price
range coming soon. Next up, tip number three is
that a conventional high school education is probably missing a great
deal of information that you'll actually need to be an adult in the
"real world". For example, many or most high schools
these days don't offer many courses on basic financial literacy like balancing
a checkbook or doing your taxes, home economics like cooking or garment care,
automotive repair or even things like sex ed and family planning. As such, in
order to learn these things, you'll often have to look outside of school, turn to
your parents, grandparents, or other mentors who could teach you
some of these lessons and keep in mind that they may not even have to be older
than you. For example, if you've got a friend who's a whiz in the kitchen, you
might be able to learn some cooking techniques or recipes from them. As the
saying goes "knowledge is power" and by the way, we've done several videos
covering garment care you can find our playlist on that subject here. Speaking
of high school or indeed even middle school, number four is a social tip
almost everyone is probably just as insecure as you are, if not more so. It's
no secret that school social dynamics can be hard on a lot of teens. You don't
have to look any further than TV shows or movies set in high school to take a
look at the interplay and drama between various social cliques; the jocks, the
nerds, the popular kids and so on and in the age of social media, things like
cyber bullying have, in some ways, only accelerated in the 21st century. So while
it may be tough to remember sometimes, if you are feeling insecure about your
personality or your social standing, many of your peers are probably feeling the
same things. If you are experiencing genuine bullying which, keep in mind, can
be both physical and emotional, do seek the help of someone like a teacher, a
counselor, a parent or someone else whom you trust. But if you're just finding
difficulty trying to fit into a certain social mold as a result of peer pressure,
just don't do it. To paraphrase another old saying,
"insecurity loves company". If you can be true to your own identity by following
your own passions and interests, your mental health will likely be better
overall. This point actually dovetails into two others on my list and the first
is number five, you're not going to be able to please everyone and you
shouldn't try to. In the same way that your peers might have certain
expectations for you about how to fit into a social group, your elders such as
parents, teachers, coaches, and so on might also have communicated to you some
expectations for ways your life could turn out. Remember
though, the one person with ultimate control over your future should be you.
Now, this doesn't mean you should outright refuse the advice of your
elders or rebel just for its own sake. Far from it, in fact, if you can use the
advice of your elders and mentors to your advantage, so much the better. Just
remember that if you have different ideas for what you want your future to
be than your parents or other mentors do, it's important to have open and honest
conversations with them to determine how to best set yourself up for future
success. Tip number six also relates to the point about social insecurity, you
don't have to hang around with a group of people you don't like just out of a
desire to fit in. Having a group to which you feel you belong is a natural human
desire. After all, even if we are more introverted by nature, we still like
having a community to return to for support when we need it but therein lies
the key point, if you find yourself hanging around with people who don't
support your choices, your identity, or your future plans and they're just
taking advantage of your desire to fit into some group, you would do well to
move on. Alternatively, it may be the case that you were close to someone as a
young child and considered yourselves to be good friends, however, as time has gone
on, you may have become very different people and grown apart. If you find that
maintaining a relationship like that isn't beneficial for one or both of you,
it may be time to part ways in a polite fashion. Polite is a key word here, if
you do find that it would be beneficial for you to leave a social group or exit
a relationship, you should always try to do so without hostility. Burning bridges
can come back to bite you especially if you find that it would make sense to
reach out to someone again in the future. Be polite, be honest, and try to move on
that way. On the subject of social dynamics in school, you've probably heard
the old line at some point, high school doesn't last forever. While I do
agree with this sentiment, in so far as the
hierarchies and drama of high school stop mattering once you're an adult,
there is also a flipside to this because we now live in the age of social media;
your teenage choices can follow you around for much longer. With the internet,
everything is online now and it can live forever if it's archived. Now, I'm not
saying that you shouldn't try to have fun or that you can make adventurous
choices but just remember that whatever you post on social media can follow you
around. It's a fact that in today's business environment, many companies ,both
large and small, will take a look at your social media profiles in addition
to your conventional resume and references so you should not only be
careful about the kinds of activities you engage in in the first place
but also what you eventually post to social media. You've probably heard of
the so called "grandma test" for this which is to say
that you shouldn't post anything on social media that you wouldn't want your
grandmother to see. This extends to videos, pictures, texts, tweets, you name it!
If you use social media in a curated way to present your best self to the world,
not in a way that's showing off or bragging but just in a way that makes
you look professional and true to yourself, your twenty-something self is
going to thank you when they're looking for a job a life partner or anything
else. Number eight is another quick tip on social media, while everyone is trying
to present their best selves on social platforms, remember that everyone does
have their own insecurities and their own challenges and you shouldn't judge
yourself by the standards of other people's social media profiles. Remember
that by and large, you're only seeing what other people want you to see on
social media and that nobody truly lives a perfect life. You can certainly be
inspired by other people but if you're constantly comparing yourself to what
they post on social media, it's only going to get you down. For tip number
nine, let's jump back to my earlier point about making decisions for your future
as there's an important distinction to be made here. While you aren't too young
to have any idea what you want, you are still allowed to not know what you want.
Remember here that life is a journey and everybody figures out their own personal
path at a different time. Many teens exit high school feeling like they have to go
to college or that they have to major in a certain field, for example. This is
likely the first point in your life at which you'll be making significant
decisions about how you want to shape your future and while it's definitely
okay to feel like you have a solid idea of where you want to go and to tell
others about it, it's also equally okay to not have any idea what you'd like to
do and to seek help. Keep in mind also that even if you think you have things
all figured out, your experiences in college, vocational school, the military,
or a first job after high school may make it clear to you that what you
thought you wanted wasn't the right fit after all and that's okay too. As I said
before, have honest conversations with mentors or others you trust and don't be
afraid to re-evaluate your life choices if you feel the need to. On that note,
another way to figure out the path that your life will take is to try new things
and be okay with the possibility of failure. In other words, tip number ten is
that making mistakes is a natural part of life and not attempting things just
because you fear failure will only leave you stuck where you are. Of course, I'm
not saying here that you should intentionally put yourself in harm's way
or go out and make a bunch of rash and irresponsible decisions, what I do mean
is that only through the process of trial and error, just by doing the work
of life to try new things are you going to learn with the greatest degree of
certainty what your strengths and weaknesses are and how to move forward
accordingly. And on the subject of weaknesses, tip number eleven and our
final tip for today is one of the biggest, speaking from my own personal
experience, it's always important to set aside your pride or your fears about
other's perceptions of you and to ask for help when you need it. This point is
probably best represented by just having me tell you about some of my own
personal experiences in school. I've always loved to learn and I was a model
student even from a young age. School wasn't really that difficult for me in
my early years and I didn't have to put in a lot of work to get good grades but
this would come back to bite me later. I had developed poor study habits from not
having to work too hard and once I reached late middle and early high
school, I hit a wall because my procrastination habits had caught up
with me. However, because I was too prideful to seek help from my teachers, I
didn't want to not be seen as the smart kid, I didn't seek help and that's when I
experienced my greatest period of academic difficulty. It was only after
going through a few poor semesters of school and by having my parents force
me to seek help from my teachers that I finally was able to course-correct. And
guess what? Old habits die hard because I did hit another similar academic wall in
college. That time around, I was able to seek advice on my own and not have
people force me into doing so but with this said, it was still hard for me to
swallow my pride and set aside my fears about what others perceptions of me were
in order to seek the help that I needed to graduate, which I eventually did. So
here's the lesson to take away from my experiences, asking for help is not a
sign of weakness, it can actually be a sign of strength. Once I opened up to my
teachers and professors and let them know about the difficulties I was having,
I was happy to find that they wanted to help me and that having me succeed was
actually part of their job as educators. In my case, I was told that I didn't need
to doubt my intelligence only that I needed help with my time management
skills and my follow through. When I was able to set aside my self-image, I
learned that I didn't have to worry about not possessing my good qualities
only that I could rely on my network to help me boost things that were lacking.
In summary, it's okay to need help because those who care about you will
want to provide it. So hopefully, you found this list of eleven things helpful
to you even if you're already past your teenage years and remember, you're going
to be spending most of your life in adulthood so if you can do things that
will set yourself up for success in your teenage years that will be key. Just
don't forget to also have a little bit of fun along the way.
In today's video, much of my outfit is made up of garments I've had since my
teen years, underscoring the point that with proper care, many garments can last
you a good long time. My sport coat features a herringbone weave and is
charcoal in color though it also includes shades of brown. I'm wearing it
over a plain white shirt that has a more traditionally styled point collar and
barrel cuffs. This is a shirt that I've had, in fact, since my days in high school
speech and debate. My tie is vintage. In fact, I received it as a gift from my
grandmother, and it's one of my favorites in my collection. It's burnt orange in
color, and it features a repeating geometric pattern in navy tan and
off-white. My plain black pleated trousers are almost 15 years old.
In fact, I've had them for so long that before I learned how to alter my own
garments, my mother let out the cuffs at the end. After all, my legs had gotten
longer, but my waistline had stayed the same size.
My socks are also plain black in color as is my belt, which features a silver
buckle and my shoes, which are cap toed Derbys. My other two accessories are
from Fort Belvedere today. My boutonniere is an orange exotic Caribbean flower and
my pocket square is a brand new design. It's a wool silk blend in a color we're
calling antique gold ochre, and it features paisleys in buff red and blue.
You can find both this brand new pocket square, which also features a contrasting
stitch around the edge, and the boutonniere in the Fort
Belvedere shop here.