Lori Loughlin.
Some know her as Aunt Becky.
Others know her as the star of every other Hallmark movie.
But now she's about to be known
as the inmate you don't want to mess with.
REPORTER: Actress Lori Loughlin is reportedly preparing
for a possible lockup with a prison coach.
According to Radar Online,
she's learning martial arts and prison lingo.
She's facing up to 45 years in prison
after pleading not guilty in a college admissions scandal.
Okay, wait, she's learning martial arts
and prison lingo?
First of all, what is prison lingo?
What, is she gonna be in the prison yard her first day
and be like, "All right, I'm going into my...
cell"?
People are like, "Oh, I can tell you've been here before."
Also, learning martial arts right before you go to jail
is not gonna help you much. Right?
'Cause you realize, in the beginning,
everything they teach you is basic.
Right? She's gonna get into a fight,
and then she'll be like, "Oh, yeah? You want to shank me?
"Come at me, come-- Yeah, but come at me from this side.
"This side. Yeah, I've only-- I only--
"No, no kicks. I haven't learned kicks yet.
"I haven't learned kicks!
"And who's got the wooden board?
I'm gonna break that board!"
By the way, what kind of prison does Aunt Becky think
she's gonna be sent to?
She's a rich white woman, all right?
She's gonna be with other rich white women.
Martial arts is not the training she needs to survive there.
Yeah. She's gonna get there, like,
"I've been taking karate!"
And they'll be like, "Oh, is that why you didn't have time
to dye your roots, darling?"
(whimpering): "I didn't plan for this."
You know what would be funny?
Is if she comes out of prison all hard,
with tattoos and everything,
but then she still goes back to making Hallmark movies.
Yeah. She'll just be out there, like,
"The true meaning of Christmas is in your heart.
"Now let's put some pudding cups out there
and cigarettes for Santa."
All right, let's move on.
Because while Aunt Becky is getting ready to go to prison,
Uncle John may be getting to-- ready to send someone there.
ANNOUNCER: This is CNN breaking news.
We begin with breaking news
that could tremendously impact negotiations
over President Trump's impeachment trial.
Trump's former national security advisor, John Bolton,
now says he is ready and willing to testify
if Congress subpoenas him.
REPORTER: Senate Republican aides are downplaying
Bolton's announcement, speculating Bolton is trying
to drum up sales for his upcoming book.
Wow. This is a pretty big deal.
John Bolton now says he's willing to testify
at Trump's impeachment.
And I bet he's just mad at Trump
for starting a war with Iran without him.
'Cause bombing Iran was Bolton's dream.
So you can imagine, right now,
it's like seeing his ex going on the vacation
they planned together without him.
You know? He's like, "Oh, so now you want to go to Iran, Trump?
"Now it's not crazy and expensive?
Really, Trump? Really?"
Now, some people are saying the only reason
Bolton is willing to testify is because he wants
to get publicity for his upcoming book.
And wouldn't it be hilarious
if he made that part of his demands to testify?
Like, have Mitch McConnell out there,
bring him out like a late-night host.
"Uh, my next witness is a best-selling author,
"uh, here to testify about quid pro quo with Ukraine.
And after that, we got a performance by Lizzo. Mah."
All right, and, finally,
you know how people are saying
politicians need to get more hands-on?
Well, the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo,
maybe took it a step too far.
Well, New York's governor once again became
a first responder after a crash on the highway.
Andrew Cuomo rescued a man from a partially overturned truck
Monday afternoon on a highway in New York City,
and staffers shot that video you're watching right there
of the governor helping the driver out of the wreck.
The man is okay. And this is the third time
Cuomo has come to a driver's rescue
in the past four years.
Okay...
(laughter)
It's cool that Governor Cuomo helped that driver.
But, let's be honest, "rescue" is a strong word.
I mean, he's just half-grabbing the thigh.
I mean...
Cuomo's the guy who helps you move your sofa, like,
"I got the pillows! I got the pillows!
I got this!"
Now, what's really interesting is
this is the third time Cuomo has rescued a driver,
which-- I'm not gonna lie-- is a little suspicious.
Uh, all I'm saying is, if you see Cuomo while you're driving,
buckle up--
some shit's about to go down.