>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR, WRITER, AND
DIRECTOR YOU KNOW BEST FROM "BRIDESMAIDS" AND "WHAT TO
EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING."
HE'S ALSO A WEIRD DAD.
PLEASE WELCOME BEN FALCONE!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> WHY, HELLO!
HI!
( CHEERS ) >> Stephen: SO, LAST TIME WE
HAD YOU ON HERE WAS WITH YOUR LOVELY WIFE MELACE McCARTHY.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU GUYS DO A TON OF STUFF TOGETHER.
YOU WRITE, YOU ACT, YOU PRODUCE, YOU DIRECT.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: WHERE DO THE TWO OF YOU FIND TIME JUST TO, LIKE,
BE A HUSBAND AND WIFE TOGETHER?
>> THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE LEFT.
THE CAR.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU CAN VIDZ--
>> WE HAVE KIDS, SO WHEN WE GO HOME IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KIDS AND
WE LOVE IT TO DEATH.
IF WE WANT TO CHAT WE GET IN THE CAR AND KIND OF DRIVE AROUND.
>> Stephen: THAT'S KIND OF SWEET.
>> YEAH, SORT OF LIKE WE'RE ALREADY THIS 80-YEAR-OLD
MIDWESTERN COUPLE LIKE, "LET'S DRIVE AROUND AND TALK."
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.
LIKE THE OLD DAYS, "LET'S GO FOR A SUNDAY DRIVEMENT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE CAR WHEN YOU'RE DRIVING?
WHO IS DRIVING, FIRST OF ALL?
>> ALMOST ALWAYS ME.
I'M THE MAN, AFTER ALL.
( LAUGHTER ) NO, SHE-- SHE LIKES TO FUSS
AROUND, AND SHE'S ALWAYS GRABBING STUFF, AND SHE CAN'T
STOP, YOU KNOW, AND POKING AT ME AND STUFF, WHICH IS REALLY FUN.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU, LIKE, WORKING ON STUFF TOGETHER IN THE
CAR?
>> INEVITABLY, IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY FUN, BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN
WE HAVE OUR BEST IDEAS.
SHE'LL, LIKE, SAY, "WHAT IF WE TRIED THIS."
OR "WHAT ABOUT THIS?" AND WE, OF COURSE, DON'T HAVE
ANY MATERIALS LIKE A PROFESSIONAL WOULD HAVE.
SHE'S WRITING IT ON A STARBUCKS NAPKIN THAT LATER MY KID USES
AND SNEEZES INTO AND I'M LIKE, "I NEED THAT THING!"
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, GOD!
OH, NO."
SO THAT'S OUR CREATIVE PROCESS.
>> Stephen: WELL, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE THE ONLY PERSON THAT
I KNOW OF WHO REGULARLY MAKES OUT WITH SEAN SPICER?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S PRETTY-- THAT'S PRETTY SEXY, MAN.
>> IT'S PRETTY SEXY.
YOU KNOW, BRING A LITTLE BIT OF SPICE INTO YOUR BEDROOM, I
GUESS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
>> SHE'S-- SHE'S-- SHE'S PRETTY NO MATTER WHICH WAY IT IS.
BUT I REMEMBER KISSING HER, AND I'M LIKE, "OKAY, YOU'RE NOT THE
PRESS SECRETARY.
YOU'RE MY WIFE."
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: I BET HE COULD USE A LITTLE BIT OF TENDERNESS, TOO,
RIGHT NOW.
>> PERHAPS SO, PERHAPS.
>> Stephen: I FOUND OUT-- THIS ALWAYS GETS ME EXCITED WHEN I
FIND THIS OUT ABOUT A GUEST-- IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE A BIG "LORD OF
THE RINGS" FAN.
>> YEAH.
YOU WERE QUOTING SOMETHING EARLIER, AND YOU GO SO DEEP THAT
I'M LIKE, "WELL, I'M NOT SURE."
I'VE BEEN READING THEM SINCE I WAS 10 YEARS OLD.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU START WITH?
>> I STARTED REQUEST WITH THE THE HOBBIT," THE ENTRY LEVEL.
AND I'VE READ EACH BOOK PROBABLY 10 TIMES.
>> Stephen: IS THERE A TIME OF YEAR WHEN YOU TEND TO DO IT
AGAIN?
I FIND.
>> WELL, I, OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TRADITIONS, LIKE THAT'S MY
CHRISTMAS MOVIE.
SO DURING CHRISTMAS, OTHER PEOPLE WATCH "IT'S A WONDERFUL
LIFE," AND I WATCH "THE LORD OF THE RINGS"
I'M LIKE, "LET'S GET ZORON!
KILL HIM."
>> Stephen: FROADO IS GEORGE BAILEY.
ZORON IS MR. POTTER.
>> OH, MY GOSH, YES.
>> Stephen: BERT AND ERNIE ARE PIPPIN.
CLARENCE IS GANDOLF.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE CHAPTER FROM ANY OF THE BOOKS?
>> FAVORITE CHAPTER?
I MEAN YOU KNOW ANYTHING FROM THE "THE TWO TOWERS."
ALL THE BATTLING.
>> Stephen: I WOULD GO WITH THE IRKAUAI.
>> DOES ANYONE ELSE KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, I WONDER?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: SHADOW OF THE PAST, OR COUNCIL DELLED RON.
THOSE ARE THE TWO BIGGIES.
I COULD LISTEN TO THEM ANY NUMBER OF TIMES.
>> LISTEN TO THEM?
ON AUDIO BOOKS?
>> Stephen: GITO SLEEP LISTENING TO IT AT NIGHT.
I'M NOT JOKING.
( LAUGHTER ) INSTEAD OF DOING DRUGS, I LISTEN
TO-- I LISTEN TO "LORD OF THE RING" ON TAPE GOING TO SLEEP AT
NIGHT.
>> I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF THE AUDIO BOOK.
>> Stephen: OH!
IT'S A WHOLE NEW WORLD, MY FRIEND.
COME OVER TO THE DARK SIDE.
>> I'M GOING TO DO IT!
I'M GOING TO DO IT!
>> Stephen: IT'S INCREDIBLE.
YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK.
IS THIS AVAILABLE ON AUDIO TAPE?
OR WHATEVER.
AUDIO BOOK.
IT'S "BEING A DAD IS WEIRD."
I AGREE WITH THAT.
IN WHAT WAY IS BEING A DAD WEIRD TO YOU?
>> WELL, PRETTY MUCH EVERY SINGLE WAY IT COULD BE.
I MEAN, IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO.
IT'S ITS MOST WONDERFUL THING I'VE EVER DONE.
BUT YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A ROLE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN IN BEFORE, AND
YOU FIEND YOURSELF DOING THINGS YOU'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE.
I DO KNOW THAT RECENTLY I THOUGHT I'D MISSED IT.
I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER DO IT, AND SUDDENLY, BAY YEAR AGO, I
STARTED TELLING DAD JOKES.
( LAUGHTER ) FULL-ON DAD JOKES.
>> Stephen: IT JUST COMES UP ON THE OF YOU.
>> IT JUST COMES OUT, AND A PUN OR SOMETHING, JUST THE WORST,
CRUMMY PUN.
LIKE IT'S WARM IN THE ROOM AND MY KID IS EATING TOAST, AND I'M
LIKE, "KIND OF TOASTY IN HERE, HUH?"
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "DAD, THAT'S AWFUL."
AND I'M LIKE, "I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED."
>> Stephen: BEING A DAD IS WEIRD BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A
POSITION OF-- YOU'RE AN AUTHORITY FIGURE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
IF MY KIDS ARE WATCHING THIS, I KNOW A LOT.
>> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY COME TO YOU WITH SCWEZ QEZ?
WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER.
>> I DEFLECT "MOMMY IS RIGHT OVER THERE."
NO I JUST DO MY BEST LIKE ANYBODY WOULD.
>> Stephen: LIE.
THEY DON'T KNOW.
THEY DON'T KNOW AT ALL.
>> WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT THEM?
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.
>> I TELL AS MUCH OF THE TRUTH AS I AM ABLE, AND THEN I MAKE
THE REST UP.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, TRUMP IS LOOKING FOR A NEW PRESS
SECRETARY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE.
THE BOOK IS REQUESTED BEE.
IT'S AVAILABLE NOW.
FOOL, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK