FOLKS, ALL THIS WEEK, I HAVE BEEN
SHARING WITH YOU MY INCREDIBLE TRIP TO NEW ZEALAND.
IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL AND MAGICAL COUNTRY THAT I'M NOT
SURPRISED IT WAS USED AS THE LOCATIONS FOR MIDDLE EARTH IN
THE "LORD OF THE RINGS" AND "THE HOBBIT" TRILOGIES.
AS YOU MAY KNOW, WRITER AND DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON ACTUALLY
CAST ME IN "THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG."
I HAD THE VERY IMPORTANT ROLE OF "LAKETOWN SPY."
( LAUGHTER ) SO WHEN I WAS BACK IN NEW
ZEALAND, I SAT DOWN WITH MY CLOSE PERSONAL FRIEND, PETER
JACKSON, AND TALKED WITH HIM ABOUT THE NEXT LOGICAL STEP IN
THE "LORD OF THE RINGS" MOVIE FRANCHISE.
JIM?
>> STEPHEN: PETER JACKSON INVITED ME TO HIS TOP SECRET
WAREHOUSE, WHERE HE KEEPS ALL THE ORIGINAL PRICELESS MINIATURE
SETS USED IN "LORD OF THE RINGS."
PETER, THANKS FOR HAVING US DOWN TO YOUR STUDIO HERE IN
WELLINGTON.
>> IT'S FANTASTIC.
>> STEPHEN: NOW, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I APPEARED IN "THE
HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG."
>> YEAH, YEAH.
♪ ♪
♪ >> STEPHEN: NOW, YOU HAVE
DECADES OF EXPERIENCE-- DIRECTING.
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE MY SIX-SECOND APPEARANCE ON SCREEN?
>> WELL, I HAVE TO PROFOUND.
YOU TOOK IT VERY SERIOUSLY.
YOU TOOK IT MORE SERIOUSLY THAN I THOUGHT YOU WOULD.
>> STEPHEN: I THINK I TOOK IT MORE SERIOUSLY THAN YOU DID.
>> I THINK YOU TOOK IT MORE SERIOUSLY THAN ANY ACTOR IN THE
FILM.
>> STEPHEN: WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT?
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT FROM MY PERFORMANCE?
WAS IT WHEN MY EYE PATCH-- >> WHEN THE EYE PATCH FELL,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> STEPHEN: --FELL THAT TIME?
YEAH, YEAH.
>> THAT WAS-- THAT WAS-- THAT'S A SKILL.
>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU.
>> PEOPLE JUST SAY LINES, AND THEY CAN-- THEY CAN WALK AROUND,
BUT JUST TO DO THAT WITH ONE LITTLE FLICK, THAT'S LIKE--
THAT'S AN ACTOR USING THEIR COSTUME IN-- IN AN EMOTIONAL
WAY.
>> STEPHEN: THEIR INSTRUMENT.
>> UH-HUH.
>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW, BEING BACK HERE GIVES ME AN IDEA.
AND HEAR ME OUT BEFORE YOU SAY, YES, YES, ABSOLUTELY YES.
WHAT IF WE SPUN OFF MY CHARACTER, LAKETOWN SPY, INTO
HIS OWN SERIES OF TRILOGIES?
WHAT ABOUT THIS FOR A BACK STORY?
MY CHARACTER IS ACTUALLY ARAGORN'S SLIGHTLY HOTTER TWIN
BROTHER, DARRYLGORN, THE TRUE HEIR TO THE THRONE OF GONDOR.
AND I THINK IT'S KIND OF BELIEVABLE BECAUSE A LOT OF
PEOPLE GO-- YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M WALKING ON THE STREETS IN NEW
YORK, THEY GO, "ARE YOU VIGGO MORTENSEN?"
AND I GO, "NO, I'M NOT."
AND THEY GO-- THEY GO, "STOP MESSING WITH ME."
I GO, "I PROMISE YOU, I'M NOT VIGGO MORTENSEN."
IN WHAT WAYS DO I REMIND YOU OF VIGGO?
AS A PROFESSIONAL, AS A DIRECTOR.
YOU'VE DIRECTED BOTH OF US.
>> I REMIND-- WELL-- VERY-- VERY LITTLE, IN FACT, WHICH IS GOOD.
BECAUSE YOU'RE ORIGINAL.
YOU'RE-- YOU'RE ONE-OFF, YOU-- YOU'RE NOT-- YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE
VIGGO.
>> STEPHEN: WHAT I WANT TO ASK YOU IS, OBVIOUSLY, I-- I HEAR
THE YES, BUT, WOULD YOU WANT TO DIRECT THIS MOVIE?
>> WELL, LOOK-- NO.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) LET'S PUT THAT ON HOLD FOR A
SECOND.
OKAY, LET'S PUT THE NO ASIDE.
AND PUT IT IN A LITTLE BOX CALLED YES.
AND THEN CLOSE THE LID AND LOCK IT AND LEAVE IT RIGHT THERE,
OKAY?
SO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS RIGHT NOW.
IT SAYS LIKE, IT SAYS YES ON THE BOX.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS, BECAUSE WE KNOW, IT'S
RATTLING AROUND TRYING TO GET OUT.
>> THERE'S A NO INSIDE IT, BUT.
>> STEPHEN: THERE'S A NO INSIDE THE YES BOX, BUT RIGHT NOW WE
CAN'T TELL THAT BECAUSE WE'VE LOCKED IN--
>> NO, OKAY.
>> STEPHEN: YOU'RE KNOWN FOR YOUR CAMEOS.
WELL, YOU'RE-- YOU'RE THE-- CARROT MAN IN BREE.
IN "THE TWO TOWERS," YOU THROW A ROCK OR A SPEAR OUT AT THE
URUK-HAI COMING UP TO HELM'S DEEP.
IN "THE RETURN OF THE KING," YOU GOT SHOT WITH AN ARROW ON ONE OF
THE BLACK SHIPS, THE CORSAIRS OF UMBAR.
WHAT IF I COULD OFFER YOU A GRATUITOUS CAMEO?
>> WOW.
I-- YEAH, OKAY, WELL, I-- I MIGHT HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF SOME
TIME-- AS LONG AS WE CAN SHOOT FAST.
>> STEPHEN: GREAT, BECAUSE WE ALREADY MADE THE TRAILER.
JIM?
>> STEPHEN: I CANNOT TELL YOU FROM WHENCE I CAME OR WHAT MY
ERRAND MAY BE.
KNOW ONLY THIS, I AM CALLED THE LAKETOWN SPY.
MAYHAPTH YOU RECOGNIZE MY VISAGE FROM "THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG."
NOTHING?
YOU KNOW WHO SMAUG IS, RIGHT?
DRAGON.
BIG GUY.
HARD TO MISS.
BREATHES FIRE.
LIKE DRAGONS DO.
AND HE DESOLATED EVERYTHING.
I WAS IN THAT.
IT WAS KIND OF A BIG DEAL.
>> FIRST THERE WAS "THE LORD OF THE RINGS" TRILOGY.
THEN, "THE LORD OF THE RINGS" EXTENDED CUT.
THEN, "THE HOBBIT" TRILOGY.
THEN, "THE HOBBIT" EXTENDED CUT.
AND NOW, AFTER 1,179 MINUTES, THE REAL SAGA FINALLY BEGINS.
>> STEPHEN: LEGENDS HOLD THAT ARAGORN HAD AN
EVEN-MORE-RUGGEDLY HANDSOME IDENTICAL TWIN.
AND WHO MIGHT THAT BE?
GUYS?
COME ON, IT'S ME!
I AM... DARRYLGORN.
>> FROM THE MIND OF THE CREATOR OF "LORD OF THE RINGS"'S BIGGEST
FAN.
>> STEPHEN: ...SO HE SAYS "THAT'S NOT A TREE, THAT'S AN
ENT."
AND I SAID, "NO WONDER ALL THIS SYRUP TASTES FUNNY... COME ON!
I WAS SEXUALLY PLEASURING A TREE.
OKAY."
(ARROW HITS DOOR) OH, A TEXT FOR ME!
OH, NO BIGGIE, JUST A MESSAGE FROM BESTIE, GANDALF, ASKING ME
TO SAVE MIDDLE EARTH... AGAIN.
>> AN EPIC JOURNEY.
>> HURRY!
>> STEPHEN: HEY, GUYS, I REALLY GOT A FEELING THAT THE ADVENTURE
IS DOWN HILL.
OH, YEAH, I HEAR THE BLACK RIDERS.
I'M GOING TO GO GIVE THEM ONE FOR--
>> GAR HON AL CEN EGOR NA HON DOL LYST?
>> HON THIA AL BE ARAGORN.
>> STEPHEN: UH, GUYS, I SPEAK ELVISH.
I KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS WERE SAYING.
SOMETHING ABOUT ARAGORN.
PRETTY SURE.
>> THE GREATEST LOVER.
>> I HAVE MADE MY CHOICE.
>> STEPHEN: BUT YOU'RE ENGAGED TO MY BROTHER.
THERE IS NO HOPE FOR US.
>> THERE IS STILL HOPE.
>> STEPHEN: YOU MUST STAY WITH HIM... AND JUST IMAGINE IT'S ME.
>> (CRIES) >> STEPHEN: SHHHHH.
DON'T CRY.
DON'T CRY, MY LOVE.
OKAY, MAYBE JUST A QUICKIE-- BUT DON'T TELL HIM.
>> THE GREATEST WARRIOR.
>> STEPHEN: FORGED IN THE DEPTHS OF TIME, IT IS KNOWN BY ITS
ANCIENT NAME: "SWORDY MCSWORDFACE."
WE HELD AN ONLINE CONTEST.
IT WAS A BIG MISTAKE.
>> THE GREATEST WIZARD.
>> STEPHEN: HOLD IT IN YOUR MIND, WORMTONGUE.
HOLD IT.
BUT DO NOT TELL ME.
IS THIS YOUR CARD?
>> THE GREATEST COMEDIAN.
>> STEPHEN: ...SO THEN I SAID: "BOROMIR?
I HARDLY KNOW HER."
>> (WEIRD SLOW LAUGH) >> STEPHEN: YOU LIKE THAT ONE?
HAVE YOU HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE GUY WHO MILKS THE ENT?
>> THE GREATEST FAN.
>> STEPHEN: AND I KNOW EVERYBODY THINKS THAT SAURON DEFEATED
ARAGORN WHEN ARAGORN LOOKED THROUGH THE PALANTIR.
BUT HERE'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED-- ARAGORN CONFRONTS
SAURON USING THE PALANTIR OF ORTHANC SO SAURON THINKS THAT
ARAGORN HAS DEFEATED SARUMAN AND TAKEN THE PALANTIR FOR HIS OWN
AS THE HEIR OF ELENDIL.
BUT BY IMPLICATION, HE'S TAKEN THE RULING RING, OKAY?
SO, WHAT DOES SAURON DO?
HE ATTACKS MINAS TIRRETH BEFORE HE'S READY, MAN.
HE GOT TOTALLY PLAYED BY ARAGORN.
I MEAN, ARAGORN'S ALL UP IN SAURON'S HEAD.
OR GIANT, YOU KNOW, FLAMING EYEBALL.
WHATEVER IT IS.
ANYWAY, I ATTACK WITH A LONGSWORD.
10 POINTS DAMAGE.
YOUR INITIATIVE.
>> THE FILM EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT.
>> "A GRIPPING MYSTERY... AS TO WHY THIS WAS MADE."
VARIETY.
>> "THERE'S NO MOVIE I WON'T BLURB."
SAYS PETER TRAVERS, ROLLING STONE.
>> "CEASE AND DESIST."
J.R.R. TOLKIEN'S ESTATE.
>> A LEGENDARY CAST, STARRING STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> STEPHEN: FRODO, YOU DROPPED YOUR RING!
I DON'T REALLY SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS.
IT'S NOT BEING CORRUPTED BY ABSOLUTE EVIL...
WHOOP!
THERE IT GOES!
OH, YEAH, OH!
I, DARRYLGORN THE GREAT, WILL CREATE A DOMINION THAT WILL RULE
FOR ALL... I'M JUST KIDDING, YOU GUYS, I'M JUST JOKING WITH YOU
GUYS.
IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK THAT FAST.
WHOOP!
NOW IT'S KICKING IN!
>> AND INTRODUCING SIR PETER JACKSON AS HIS LOYAL SERVANT,
GRATUITOUS OF CAMEO.
>> LET US JOURNEY ON TOWARDS THE LAND KNOWN AS HOGWARTS, WHERE WE
SHALL BE SORTED BY THE MAGIC HAT!
>> STEPHEN: OKAY, THAT'S "HARRY POTTER."
>> QUIDDITCH?
THAT'S MIDDLE EARTH.
THE GREY WIZARD, DUMBLEDORE?
>> STEPHEN: HAVE YOU NEVER READ THESE BOOKS?
>> THERE ARE BOOKS?
>> AND, REPRISING HIS ROLE AS GANDALF, IAN MCKELLEN--
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT!
>> AND ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE, VIGGO MORTENSEN MAKES HIS
TRIUMPHANT RETURN AS ARAGORN.
I SAID, REPRISING HIS ROLE AS ARAGORN, ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE,
VIGGO MORTENSEN.
>> STEPHEN, STOP.
STOP SENDING THESE CAMERA GUYS AFTER ME ALL OVER THE WORLD.
>> STEPHEN: SO, YOU'RE NOT DOING IT?
>> NO, I CAN'T DO IT.
I ALREADY TOLD YOU, AND IF YOU KEEP ASKING ME I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO SIC MY LAWYERS ON YOU.
>> OKAY...
THEN, RETURNING AS FRODO BAGGINS, ELIJAH WOOD!
>> YEAH, (BLEEP) IT, I'M IN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> A FILM 20 YEARS IN THE MAKING
SCHMG >> CONCENTRATE, YOUNG PADAWAN.
USE THE FORCE.
>> STEPHEN: COME ON, MAN, THAT IS "STAR WARS!"
CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW EXPENSIVE THIS SHOT LOOKS?
>> STEPHEN COLBERT PRESENTS PETER JACKSON'S "THE LORD OF THE
RINGS" SERIES' "THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG'S" "THE
LAKETOWN SPY" IS DARRYLGORN, IN "DARRYLGORN RISING: THE RISE OF
DARRYLGORN."
THE PREQUEL TO PART ONE-- CHAPTER ONE.
>> STEPHEN: AM I INVISIBLE?
BECAUSE I CAN SEE ME.
SHOULD I BE ABLE TO SEE ME IF I'M INVISIBLE?
AND THERE'S NOBODY HERE.
OH, HERE COMES THE EVIL!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪
>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU TO PETER JACKSON!
TOMORROW NIGHT, I EXPLORE THE NATURAL BEAUTY OF NEW ZEALAND
AND HAVE THE ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK