Hello underachievers!
So, before we get into the video,
quickly just saying, you know, I gotta promote my tour.
I am going on tour so soon in the UK!
And here are the dates.
There are still some tickets left,
but there are very few,
so if you want to see me in the UK,
buy ticket, I think.
I think that would work.
But yeah, today we are going to be talking about trans things.
There is a video called "Do All Trans Teens Think the Same?"
by Jubilee, which is a YouTube channel I watch a lot.
I have not watched this video yet.
I have no idea what it's going to be about,
but I used to be a trans teen,
so maybe I will have some input
and I think maybe that I'm gonna like respond to the prompts
and say like, my opinion.
I know I'm not a teenager,
but let's just go.
- "I would date a cisgender individual".
- I mean, I am dating a cisgender individual.
I feel--
The obvious answer for me is yes, I would.
But there are a lot of trans people that prefer to date trans people
and would not date cis people for their own reasons,
probably it's more comfortable to be with a trans person.
You don't have to explain everything...
Yeah, I mean, I'm not T4T,
but there are a lot of trans people that are T4T.
which means trans for trans,
which means they don't date cis people.
- I've dated cis people in the past and every time,
especially because I'm assigned female at birth and nonbinary,
if I'm dating a man,
he typically just sees me as a woman.
I saw a TikTok literally yesterday, it was like:
"Have y'all ever been with a they/them woman?"
I was like, that is so...
Like, no.
- Ugh, no, that's Grim.
I know a lot of people that have dated cis men that identify as straight
and it's just not...
It's just not ended great,
because a lot of the time--
And this obviously is not in every case,
every person is different
and I'm not going to speak on everybody's relationship,
but just from what I've seen,
a lot of the times this man dating non-binary people,
they will not really see their partners non-binary,
they won't see their relationship as anything other than a straight relationship,
purely because of like, the bodies that are involved.
And I guess like, that must be really difficult.
I've not had an experience like that,
because, you know, I'm not non-binary,
but I imagine that's very difficult.
That kind of sucks,
being with somebody that just does not see you as yourself.
- If you can't see me as nonbinary,
I cannot be seen outside with you.
Like with women that are cis, it's more welcoming,
but they perceive us as a lesbian couple
and that's not what really what I'm trying to do.
- That sounds really difficult, I'm sure.
I was not dating as a teenager--
That's a lie, I got with Corry when I was 19.
But as a younger teenager,
I was not dating.
I was like, incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of me being with anybody
before I came out as trans, before I transitioned,
before I started testosterone...
Because I knew that that was always that little inkling of being like:
"Oh, what if this guy just sees me as a girl
"with added weird things on top of it?"
Like I could have never dated in school at all.
I could have never dated any of the guys that went to my school.
That sounds [ ].
- At my age,
boys kind of come into themselves and their desires,
and it's just weird because they either want one thing or another thing
and usually I'm subject to be fetishized.
Some guys will come at me and be like:
"Yeah, you're like the best of both worlds",
and I'm like, "Girl, this is not 'Hannah Montana' ".
I am a girl!
Yeah, "the best of both worlds".
I never got that with Corry, obviously.
If I did I would not be with him.
But yeah, the whole "best of both worlds" idea is kind of gross.
To me, personally,
I'm sure that maybe there are some trans people that are just like:
"Yeah, I'm the best of both worlds".
That's cool for them.
I do not see it like that, yeah...
I feel like there's an issue if you're dating somebody
that maybe perceives that as a thing.
- I've only been with one cis person...
- Kana!
I followed him for a while.
- It was a girl and I feel like, if anything, girls are super understanding.
But I'm still open to a cis person.
It depends on the person, really.
Like I'm not looking for a trans person,
I'm just looking for a good person.
- "You should be able to medically transition before adulthood".
Oh, curious controversial!
My opinion on this I feel makes sense...?
My opinion is that it depends entirely on the person.
Like, I think hormone blockers should be available for trans kids
because they are reversible.
You can start hormone blockers, be like:
"Oh, no, I changed my mind.
"I'm sorry!"
And then go off them and you'll be absolutely fine.
And then, in terms of like, testosterone, estrogen, surgery,
I think that depends on the person.
I don't think all trans people are the same.
I don't think all people have like, 100% figured out their identity
by the time that they're 16.
But like, I don't see an issue with a 16-year-old starting testosterone,
as long as, you know,
there's been enough thought about it, you know?
I'm not like a big fan of gatekeeping,
but I do think it is important, you know...
When you're young, you've got a developing brain,
you should, you know, have a proper think about what you want.
I don't know, I just think we should treat trans people as individuals
and not assume that they're all the same
and that they all have the same experiences.
I would have been ready to start testosterone when I was 16
if I had come out and I was in an accepting environment
and a school that was not terrible at that kind of stuff.
I would have been happy to do that!
I would have happily gone on hormone blockers.
I honestly think my quality of life would be improved drastically
if I was able to start transitioning earlier,
but you know, I couldn't because of the environment that I was in at school,
it was not possible for me to come out.
But like, if I had gone on hormone blockers
and I didn't grow boobies,
I would not have to spend that much money on getting my tits chopped off.
I would not have to be so dysphoric for all my teenage years,
so dysphoric that I wouldn't answer the phone,
I wouldn't leave the house
because I was so uncomfortable with myself.
I just, you know, I just think we should take trans people seriously,
regardless of how old they are.
And, of course like, there is absolutely a chance
that people can change their minds and that's fine.
But this is what I mean.
I just think, you know,
if you're gonna start testosterone,
you just gotta be very sure that that's what you want.
I don't think we should be giving 12-year-olds testosterone.
I don't think that, but, you know, in the UK it's 16
and I think that that age kind of makes sense.
- I'm dying to get on hormones
and I do agree that kids
should be able to get hormones and go through HRT,
but there's also a little part of me that's like,
what if they end up changing their mind?
- Like when I was 13, I thought I was a trans man
and then I was like, "nah".
And then I was like, "wait".
So for me, it was a lot of questioning and going through different identities
until I found what felt right.
And, at the point I'm at right now,
I don't even know if I want to go on HRT.
So if I would've went on that when I was on 13,
I don't know, I don't think I would've regretted it,
but I'm glad that I internalized a lot of it
and went through it within myself.
- Yeah, I think it's interesting.
I don't think a lot of people realize that a lot of the time
when kids come out,
it's not that they've just only realized that they're trans,
they've only just realized that,
"hey, I want to be a boy"
and then that day they decide to come out.
For me, it took years to actually come out,
and by the time that I had come out,
I was a hundred percent certain that like, testosterone, surgery...
Surgery was right for me.
Yeah, you know, I mean, it is a difficult one,
it's obviously a difficult one,
it's a controversial one.
Trans kids...
I feel so bad for right now because the media is being so shitty about you.
But yeah, I think there needs to be a decent amount of time
for you to have thought about your identity...
For you to have, you know,
just considered everything before you start HRT.
- "My teachers are accepting my pronouns".
- I didn't come out in school.
- I went to UCI for a quarter
and they were very understanding and they don't really ask questions,
but in high school, it was definitely a struggle
because my name was a different name on the roster
and then I would have to explain,
especially with my Spanish teacher.
She had such Catholic beliefs
and she would pull me aside and ask questions and...
It was really sweet of her to try and understand,
but it was also hard for them to remember in class and stuff like that,
so it was kind of a struggle.
- They really did try to find a way to make trans people
feel a bit more comfortable in the school.
Like right now, I'm taking a ballet and Pilates class
and I totally thought it was gonna be,
"Oh, but you're born male,
"so you have to do masculine-presenting stuff",
which I was really afraid of,
but I'm so glad that they're really accepting.
- That's nice, that's really nice.
Yeah, I didn't come out in school at all
and I would not have had a good experience if I did come out in school,
I know that for a fact.
There was a kid at my school that came out a few years after I left
and they did not have a good experience that...
Yeah, they, you know,
they ask the school chaplain if they'd go to hell if they came out
and he said "yes",
so that was not a vibe for me.
I am glad that nowadays, at least in some places,
this is more talked about
and kids feel more comfortable to come out.
I wish I could have had that,
but I'm not gonna be all Buck Angel about it.
I'm not gonna think that you need to go through
the struggles that I went through,
just because I went through them.
Yeah, I mean, that's really cool.
I would could not come out at a naval boarding school.
- I go to UC Berkeley right now
and I get misgendered there on a daily basis.
I will introduce myself to the teacher
and I'll be like, "I go by they/them pronouns,
"by the way, I'm nonbinary, please respect my pronouns",
and within two times that I'm in the classroom,
they'll go back to using she/her pronouns
and other classmates will also misgender me
and it gets just really mentally taxing at a point.
And so I kind of just stop trying as much
'cause it's just mentally exhausting
having to realize no one sees you as nonbinary
because you still have feminine qualities about yourself.
- That sucks, that's really difficult!
Obviously, I have my experience with being a trans guy
and I feel like in a lot of ways it's more difficult
using they/them pronouns for situations like this,
because a lot of people just don't understand how to use them,
they don't want to use them,
they just choose not to use them.
And that must be really difficult.
I feel like, in the case of somebody that's not that aware of trans stuff,
that doesn't really know many trans people,
they would see a trans woman and she's wearing a dress
and they may not see her as a woman,
but they see she's wearing a dress and think:
"Oh, okay, she/her",
whereas like with non-binary people,
you can't just look at somebody and know that they're non-binary.
So, even if it's like an unintentional misgendering,
that's difficult.
- "I have 'come out' more than once".
- They're all gonna go to "strongly agree",
everybody comes out more than once.
Oh!
I've come out multiple times.
Not just for my trans experience, but for my sexuality as well,
'cause I came out as pansexual, then I came out as bi...
- Oh...
I took this as like, "I came out on Facebook,
"and then I also meet people in real life
"and they ask me and I come out to them".
These people are talking about...
I guess this person is talking about coming out as like,
one sexuality, then another, then another gender, I guess...
If that makes sense?
I mean, I came out as non-binary first.
I used to identify as non-binary and androsexual,
which meant I was just into guys.
- I kind of feel like I have to come out every single day,
just like with the new people I meet in my life.
I'm constantly having to be like, "Oh, yeah,
"my name's Mandy, I'm nonbinary,
"I go by they/them pronouns, please respect those pronouns
"or this is not a safe space for me."
- "Cisgender individuals do not understand my struggles".
- This is interesting.
I don't know, I don't think since people are ever going to understand
the trans experience.
The trans experience because they haven't experienced it.
- Personally, my friends try to empathize
and I really appreciate that for them.
But personally, I think that cis people
take for granted their gender euphoria.
Getting ready in the morning and looking at yourself
and having the absence of distress--
- This is interesting.
The gender euphoria thing, I understand it, I get it.
I feel like it's used in very weird contexts.
I wouldn't say that like, cis people look in the mirror
and get gender euphoria every day.
I mean like, maybe they do...?
I don't know, that's just a strange concept.
- I try to think of just the whole entire spectrum
of just cis people who are identifying female,
but for some reason their bodies present more masculine,
I feel like they can have that sort of point of view
that can help them sympathize and empathize for you more.
It's all about the spectrum and just how...
There's just so many nuances.
- "Life would be easier if I wasn't trans".
- Yeah, I feel like most people are gonna say "yeah".
There are a lot of things in my life that would be way easier
if I wasn't trans, Jesus!
Half the [ ] I went through would not have happened.
- Yeah, I hate that I still think a lot of the time,
like I wonder what life would be like if I was cis
or I kinda wish I was cis.
Like, I know I wouldn't be where I am
and I wouldn't know almost anyone in my life
if I wasn't trans
and if I didn't go through the struggles I went through.
- Yeah, this is something I think about.
I used to get ask the question a lot like,
"if you could choose to be cis, would you do it?"
And the question confused me,
because I'm like,
do you mean choose to be a cis woman or a cis man?
But yeah, I mean, I don't really care so much about it anymore.
I spent so much of my life wishing that I wasn't trans,
wishing that this didn't happen, that that didn't happen,
but you know, I am where I am in my life
not because of being trans,
but you know, I would have met some people a long way...
So there's no point me being upset about it anymore
and I think I'm kind of over that,
but I was not when I was a teenager.
- I hate that every week I have to inject my hormones,
like I get so angry that cis people get it for free.
- I know! - It's just natural.
- Oh, my God!
- And there's times where my insurance is being annoying
and I can't get my hormones.
- Yeah, you've got it in your body,
I got it in a drawer. - Yeah.
It's really, really hard and breaks me down,
but I know that I wouldn't be who I am if I wasn't trans.
- Yeah, just bouncing off that.
Just the thought of waking up and not having dysphoria
about something, and not trying on 15 different shirts
because my chest doesn't look flat enough--
That was-- That was a big thing.
There are so many things about being trans
I completely forgot I experienced
because I don't experience them now,
but like, I remember like I would never find an outfit
that I could wear happily and comfortably.
I was always so uncomfortable around people
whenever I'd leave the house, wearing an outfit,
I just would not be happy because they look flat enough,
my hips looked too wide, like...
That was horrible, like,
I do not envy people that are going through that...
- Stuff like that,
I think it would generally make my life easier,
but again, it's like I wouldn't meet the people
that I have in my life and I'm so grateful for them.
- Hell yeah!
So that's the end of the video.
What do you think about it?
Do you agree with these trans teens?
Do you agree with me?
Do you not?
Do you disagree?
Let me know in the comments.
But yeah, that's the end of the video.
Have a good day or don't.
See you later losers.
I'm gonna keep smacking my bean bag.