EVERYBODY, MY NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN WHOSE LATEST
NETFLIX SPECIAL IS CALLED "IMMIGRANT."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, MAZ JOBRANI!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> AH!
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, MAN.
>> Stephen: A PLEASURE, A PLEASURE.
WE'RE FELLOW SENTENCIANS.
YOU'RE ON "SUPERIOR DONUTS" AS WELL.
HOW YOU DOING OVER THERE?
>> I'M DOING GREAT OVER THERE.
THE SHOW IS GOING GREAT.
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF SEASON TWO.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURPRISED.
IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PASTRY-BASED SITCOMS.
>> I'M IRANIAN-AMERICAN, MIDDLE EASTERN AMERICAN-- I HAVE SOME
PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE.
I SAID AS A MIDDLE EASTERN AMERICAN I'M NOT USED TO LASTING
TO SEASON TWO.
I GET KILLED IN SEASON ONE.
MOST SHOWS I DO, I DID "24" I DIED.
SEASON TWO, I'M EXCITED, MAN.
>> Stephen: THI THIS IS UNUSUAL, HAVEN'T ASKED A GUEST THIS
BEFORE.
CAN I PET YOUR SWEATER?
>> GO AHEAD, PET.
>> Stephen: THIS IS A THIRSTY CARDIGAN.
YOU HAVE TO BE A MAN OF A CERTAIN AGE TO REALLY ROCK A
CARDIGAN.
>> THAT GIRL LAUGHED AT THAT.
ARE YOU SAYING I'M OLD?
NO, I'LL TELL YOU, I'M 45.
AND I GOT SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS SWEATER, I REALIZED-- THINK
ABOUT IT-- AFTER 21, THERE'S NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.
21, YOU DRINK, YOU'RE LIKE WOOO!
>> Stephen: THAT'S MILESTONE.
>> THEY SHOULD MAKE OTHER THINGS ILLEGAL SO WE CAN GET EXCITED
ABOUT THEM.
I MEAN, THEY ARE ILLEGAL, BUT TO A CERTAIN AGE.
30, COCAINE, WOOO!
YOU KNOW.
I DON'T EVEN DO COCAINE, BUT IT WOULD BE LIKE, "YEAH, COCAINE."
40, HEROIN, 50 VIAGRA-- I COULD USE THAT.
>> Stephen: AND CARD GANS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL UNTIL 45.
>> STEPHEN, I RAN INTO 22-YEAR-OLDS AND THEY'RE LIKE,
"WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS, BRO."
I SAID, "BRO, THIS IS MY VEGAS."
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GATEWAY CLOTH YOU'RE WEARING.
>> AND IT COMES WITH A POCKET TO REST MY 45-YEAR-OLD HANDS IN
THERE.
>> Stephen: MAYBE A LITTLE PIPE.
>> A PIPE IS NEXT.
I'M TELLING YOU, BRO, THIS ISA NICE CARDIGAN.
>> Stephen: I IMMEDIATELY PETTED IT.
>> YOU DID PET IT, YES.
>> Stephen: I JUST HAD ANDERSON COOPER OUT HERE.
DID YOU WATCH THE INTERVIEW?
>> I SAW THE INTERVIEW.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE FAMILY IN IRAN?
>> I HAVE COUSINS IN IRAN, DISTANT COUSINS AND I HAVE BEEN
WATCHING WHAT IS GOING ON AS WELL AND IT'S CRAZY.
I WANT TO PREFACE THIS WITH I'M NOT AN EXPERT ON IRAN.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE BORN THERE, RIGHT JIEFS BORN IN IRAN
BUT I'M NOT AN EXPERT.
I LAST TIME I WAS HERE WE TALKED ABOUT IRANIAN NEW YEAR, AND A
LOT OF IRANIANS ATTACKED ME.
"YOU GOT IT WRONG, MAN!" I SAID I'M NOT A HISTORIAN.
I'M JUST A COMEDIAN.
FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO SAY I SUPPORT PROTESTERS.
IT'S CRAZY WHAT'S GOING ON.
( APPLAUSE ) THERE YOU GO.
OKAY.
YOU WAIT.
ON TWITTER, "YOU MISREPRESENTED THE PROTESTS!"
IT'S AN INTERESTING THING GOING ON BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T
KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.
IT'S HAPPENING SO FAST, AND IT'S DIFFERENT FROM LIKE WHAT YOU
SAID THE 2009 PROTEST.
>> Stephen: IT'S HARD TO COMMUNICATE BECAUSE SOCIAL MEDIA
IS SHUT DOWN.
>> ONE OF THE THINGS IS A DEBATE SHOULD TRUMP TALK ABOUT IT?
SHOULD HE NOT TALK ABOUT IT?
AND I SAID HE SHOULD TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE BEFORE HE TALKS
ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
I HAVE THREE REASONS YES I'M A LITTLE WARY OF TRUMP TALKING
ABOUT IRAN.
NUMBER ONE IS I DON'T LIKE HIM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S JUST WHO I AM.
I KNOW-- I-- NUMBER TWO IS THAT HE HASN'T BEEN A FRIEND OF THE
IRANIAN PEOPLE, AS YOU KNOW, THE TRAVEL BAN.
HE BAND IRANIANS FROM COMING TO AMERICA.
IRAN HAS BEEN A PART TRAVEL BAN.
AND NUMBER THREE IS THIS IS A VERY NUANCED SITUATION.
AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE NOTICED, BUT TRUMP IS NOT VERY
NUANCED.
NO, BECAUSE WHAT IT IS, IT'S GOOD TO ACKNOWLEDGE AND SUPPORT
PROTESTERS, BUT I THINK IF HE GOES TOO AGGRESSIVE WITH THE
SUPPORT IN THE WRONG WAY, THEN THE ISLAMIC REPUBLIC, THE
REGIME, WHICH IS A REPRESSIVE REGIME WILL TURN AROUND SAYING
THIS IS AMERICA LEADING THE PROTESTS AND COME DOWN WITH AN
IRON FIST, WHICH THE SUPREME LEADER HAS ALREADY SAID THERE
ARE EXTERNAL FORCE HERE'S THAT ARE LEGEND THESE PROTESTS.
SO-- AND BY THE WAY, WHEN I SAW THAT, I WAS LIKE, DUDE, YOU
SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ONCE IN A WHILE FOR HAVING AN
OPPRESSIVE REGIME, ECONOMIC INEQUALITY," ALL THAT STUFF, AND
HE REMINDED ME A LITTLE BIT OF TRUMP, WHO DOESN'T TAKE
RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIMSELF, EITHER.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: SPEAK OF THE TRAVEL BAN, SPEAK OF THE TRAVEL
BAN, DO YOU TALK ABOUT THAT IN YOUR ACT.
I KNOW YOUR SPECIAL IS CALLED "IMMIGRANT."
DOES IT COME UP.
>> THE TRAVEL BAN THEY HAD 1.0, THEN 2.0, AND 3.2-- IT'S LIKE
AN iPHONE UPDATE, EVERY THREE MONTHS THEY GET A NEW ONE.
I KNOW YOU TOOK NOTE OF IT, IN 1 AND 2, THE CRITICISM WAS IT WAS
A MUSLIM BAN.
SO IN AN EFFORT TO SHOW THEY'RE NOT ANTI-MUSLIM THE
ADMINISTRATION ADDED THREE NEW COUNTRIES TO TRAVEL BAN 3.0.
THEY ADD NORTH KOREA, WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE COMING BUT
NOW THEY REALLY CAN'T COME.
YOU HAVE MET A NORTH KOREAN.
>> Stephen: NOT YET.
>> I DON'T THINK THEY'RE COMING ANYWAY.
BUT ANYWAY, THE SECOND GROUP THAT WAS ADDED WERE VENEZUELAN
DIPLOMATS.
SO NOT THE WHOLE COUNTRY, JUST 10 DUDES FROM VENEZUELA CAN'T
COME.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN THEY ADDED CHAD WHICH I
THOUGHT WAS SOME GUY.
( LAUGHTER ) I-- I HEARD IT.
I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DID CHAD DO?"
TURNS OUT CHAD, AS YOU KNOW, IS ANOTHER MUSLIM COUNTRY IN
AFRICA.
BUT CHAD DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A MUSLIM COUNTRY.
CHAD SOUNDS LIKE A MUSLIM COUNTRY TRYING TO PRETEND NOT TO
BE A MUSLIM COUNTRY, RIGHT.
"HI, WE ARE CHAD.
THAT'S MIKE, AND THAT'S CHIP.
JUST HANGIN' OUT."
>> Stephen: WELL, HAPPY NEW YEAR.
WHEN IS NEW-- WHEN IS IRANIAN NEW YEAR?
IS IT THE SAME?
THE PERSIAN NEW YEAR HAPPENS IT'S FIRST MOMENT OF SPRING IS
THE PERSIAN NEW YEAR.
IT'S COMING IN MARCH TO A THEATER NEAR YOU.
>> Stephen: COME BACK FOR THE NEXT NEW YEAR'S, TOO.
>> I WOULD LOVE TO, MAN.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: "IMMIGRANT" IS ON NETFLIX, AND YOU CAN SEE MAZ ON
"SUPERIOR DONUTS" RIGHT HERE ON CBS.
MAZ JOBRANI, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY MARGO PRICE.