-Hey, everybody.
Welcome to another "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."
My name is Jimmy Fallon.
And, man, we've made it through another week.
I want to say this is 40-something days?
[ Chuckles ] That's -- That's how I can tell, yeah.
It's 40-something.
A lot of people are starting to crack a little bit,
maybe stressing out a little bit,
but I'm -- I'm hitting my point a little bit.
I'm going a little crazy, but I think
let's not be the exception to the rule.
I think we are Americans, but I think, as Americans,
let's let people -- let's get out of the way
for people that need to do stuff, they can do stuff.
And soon, I'm promising you,
we're gonna get through this together.
And when we come back, we'll be stronger and better than ever.
But this is a time where we just got to get each other's back
and know that we're all going through this together.
So, thank you again for watching,
and I want to thank my daughter for drawing this
and kind of misspelling my own name now.
I just -- at this point, everybody's distracted.
I get it.
Let's make some jokes.
Guys, it's Friday, which means
it's time to celebrate the end of another long week
with a Lysoltini!
Ow-ooh!
Who knows? Maybe I'll have a "sex on the bleach."
I don't know. Let's just see where the night takes me.
During his press conference last night,
President Trump suggested that
the virus could be killed by injecting disinfectants.
Even the mayor of Las Vegas was like,
"That sounds dangerous."
Trump also suggested using heat
or a very powerful light on the body
to kill the virus.
Trump was like, "That's why I stared
directly into the eclipse."
But, today, Trump said that
his comments on ingesting disinfectants were sarcastic.
When he heard that, Chandler Bing was like,
"Could you be any more out of it?"
Guys, last night was the start of the NFL Draft,
and general managers tried to re-create their offices at home,
but not everyone had the same setup.
For instance, here's the 49ers' GM's setup.
And here's Bill Belichick's setup.
He looks like a dad comparing flights for a trip to Reno.
[ Laughs ]
He looks like a dad trying to figure out
how to get photos from his old laptop onto his new laptop.
Hey, Churchill Downs announced that
it will air a virtual, computer-simulated version
of the Kentucky Derby.
Not only is the Derby going virtual,
but it seems like the virus has even affected
which horses are racing.
For example, there's Reluctant Zoomer.
Then there's SweatPrance.
There's also Join with Audio.
Then there's Masked Millie.
And, of course, See It (ButDon'tTouch) It Biscuit.
Good luck to all of those virtual horses.
Check this out --
Pillsbury announces that their cookie dough
will soon to be safe to eat either baked or raw.
Americans heard that and were like,
"What do you mean by 'soon'?"
A little space work.
That's cookie dough space work.
Hey, here's some good news --
actor Richard Gere is the father of a new baby boy.
Yeah. He's 70 years old,
which is why the boy's first words
will either be "Mama" or "Grandpa."
A new survey found that only 18% of couples in quarantine
are satisfied with communication with their partner.
The remaining 82% didn't really want to talk about it.
And, finally, scientists say that,
next week, a giant asteroid
is expected to just miss colliding with Earth.
People on Earth heard that and were like,
"I'll take anything to get me out of this Zoom meeting."
Ha ha! There you go.
That's our monologue, everybody.
We have a great show tonight.
Oh, my gosh. These guys are on fire.
I love them so much. The Jonas Brothers are on.
They secretly dropped this thing last night at midnight
called "Happiness Continues."
It's on Amazon Prime Video.
We'll be talking to the three -- the three kids and figure out --
I guess they're not even kids anymore.
Gosh, they have families now.
But we will be talking to the Jonas Brothers.
I love those guys --
always working hard and doing something different.
We'll talk about the new album, and we're going to play a game
of quarantine admissions -- let's just say that.
[Chuckling] Things -- Things we've done in quarantine
that we're afraid to admit.
Also on the show, we have
host of "NBC Nightly News" and NBC "Dateline" --
he also has a "Nightly News: Kids Edition"
that you should check out on YouTube.
Lester Holt is on the show tonight.
We love having Lester on the show.
And musical guests -- from our Scottish friends CHVRCHES.
We love CHVRCHES so much!
♪♪
-Wepa!
-Hey, guys, it's Friday. [ Applauds ]
That's right -- it's Friday, and that's usually
when I send out my "thank you" notes to everybody.
-I know it's Friday! -So -- You did?
How did you know it was Friday?
-Because -- Because, um, I don't have -- You know what?
Only on Fridays and Saturdays, I don't have --
I don't need to do Raz-Kids.
-Oh, the reading? -Yeah.
-Okay, yeah. Only on Fridays and Saturdays.
But every -- the rest of the week, you're always --
-Yeah.
-That's how you know it's Friday.
-Uh-huh. -Yep.
Well, how about --
Also, we send out "thank you" notes on Fridays, don't we?
-Yeah. -No.
-What did you say, Fran? -"No."
-Okay.
So, we do send out "thank you" notes.
Do you want me to do your job?
-No, I want to do my job. -Okay, thank you.
Alright, can I get
some "thank you" note writing music, please, Frannie?
[ Music plays ] -Daddy.
♪♪
-That's just -- There you go.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Bill de Blasio -- [ Laughter ]
Winnie, do you want to press the screen?
-I'm busy coloring.
-[ Chuckles ]
-Okay.
♪♪
Yeah, I know, Frannie. Guess what --
I took the boos off of that thing so you can't boo me.
[ Laughs ] Yee! Daddy wins again!
-No.
♪♪
-Thank you -- -[ Speaking indistinctly ]
Pbht! [ Laughs ]
-You could make your own sound effects, I guess.
Yeah. Alright, let's go. Ready?
Give me some music.
Can you sit up, please, guys?
-Boo!
[ Laughs ] I made it.
Boo!
[ Laughter ]
-Oh.
-Boo! [ Laughter ]
-How'd you -- How'd you learn how to do that button?
-Boo!
-How did she learn to do that? -I do not know.
-Alright, can you give me some piano music, please, please?
-Boo! Boo! [ Laughter ]
-Thank you... -Boo!
-...Bill de Blasio, for announcing that
New York's 4th of July fireworks show will go on --
or, as dogs put it, "2020 literally could not get worse."
[ Laughter ]
-Boo! [ Laughter ]
-Thank you, Insane Clown Posse,
for canceling this year's Gathering of the Juggalos
and showing that you're actually a Rational Clown Posse.
-[ Chuckles ]
-Thank you, Ikea, for posting...
-Waaah! -...the recipe
for your Swedish meatballs online.
It's great, but I still don't understand
why I have all these screws left over.
-Waaah!
-Can I have some music, please?
♪♪
-Waaah!
-Thank you, Disney,
for announcing Season 3 of "The Mandalorian"
and giving us all a chance to brace ourselves for Tween Yoda.
[ Laughter ] -Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
-"Out of my room get."
-Boo! -[ Chuckles ]
-Boo!
-"Know -- Know me you don't."
[ Laughs ] -Boo!
Boo! -Um.
-[ Laughs ] -Thank you,
Popeyes' new blueberry and lemon cream cheese pie,
for sounding like a dessert designed by a slot machine.
Can I have some music, please? -Boo!
Boo! -[ Chuckles ]
-Can I have some music, please? Thank you.
-You're welcome. -Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
[ Laughter ] -Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
-Thank you morning, noon, and night,
for merging and becoming one thing
that I like to call "mornnoonight."
[ Laughter ] -Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
[ Laughs ] You know, it's almost bedtime, you guys.
Ha ha ha ha! -Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
-Thank you...
♪♪
-Boo! Boo!
Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! ♪
♪♪
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! ♪
-♪ Boo! Boo! Boo! ♪
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo-boo! Boo! ♪ [ Laughter ]
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo! ♪
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo-boo! Boo! ♪
♪ Boo! Boo! ♪
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo-boo! Boo! Boo! Boo-boo! ♪
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo-boo! ♪
All right, thank you, China,
for building the world's largest sports stadium
and for answering the question,
what's the opposite of good timing?
-[ Chuckles ]
-Can I have music, please?
-[ Vocalizing ]
-And thank you, con--
-[ Vocalizing ]
-Thank you, contactless food delivery,
for making me feel like a bear that's being lured out of a cave
by a piece of meat left outside.
♪♪
-Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!
-Thank you, homeschooling...
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Thank you, homeschooling, for showing us
that recess is really for teachers.
-[ Laughs ] -♪ Boo! Boo! Boo-boo! ♪
♪ Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo-boo! ♪
And, finally, thank you sweatpants --
or, as I now call you, leg napkins.
There you go. That is our "thank you" notes.
Thank you guys so much for helping.
That was so helpful.
That is our "thank you" notes. Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
We'll be right back, everybody, with more "Tonight Show."
Come on back.