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Sweet, sweet love.
At times it seems we can't bear to be without it.
Take it from my buddy, Billy, he knows all about love
due to his crush on Becca.
That first glance of her eyes,
the accidental touch as she walked by in class,
that beautiful trip they both took
to the Bahamas last summer.
Oh wait, that last part wasn't real.
In fact, it was all a fantasy because my buddy, Billy,
he's suffering from the involuntary cognitive
and emotional state, which is limerence.
A love addiction so strong
that he can't help but fantasize
about long walks on the beach with his crush.
Romantic evening dates and her simply saying the words
I love you.
To whom you may ask, to him, to Billy.
So what is limerence?
Defined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov,
limerence is a mental state of intense romantic infatuation,
where one feels a strong romantic desire for another person,
the limerick object.
You may be thinking, isn't that just a crush?
The limerence can often last months, years,
or even a lifetime, if not treated,
it can both be joyous and emotionally painful.
Depending on if the feelings are reciprocated.
Limerence is characterized by the intrusive thoughts
one can experience about their crush
and the strong emotional arousal
that can grow into an obsessive craving for another person.
Even if most of your time spent with them
is fantasized in your head.
Limerence can often be mistaken as love
or simply having a crush.
So how would you know if you have it?
There's more than one sign
than simply fantasizing about being with your crush.
Could you be just like Billy?
Here are six signs you are stuck
in the emotional state that is limerence.
One, obsessively thinking about them.
You can't help but fall into the deep rabbit hole
of fantasizing about what it would be like
to simply take a romantic stroll on the beach with them,
or engage in a deep conversation over pasta and ravioli's
so much so that your work suffers from your distractions.
You can barely eat as in longing
and you can't get a blink of sleep.
You simply think of them seemingly constantly.
But when you don't, something on TV reminds you of them.
An item at a store makes you think of them.
A comment by a stranger jogs your memory
of something they once said, they invade your thoughts
and you can both take pleasure and pain in this.
Two, insecurity and or shyness in their presence.
So Billy is idling walking through the halls
of his college's science building
when it suddenly hits him, a strong, shy feeling.
That's highly unlike him.
What's worse, while he's usually confident,
he can't help but feel a bit insecure.
Why?
His crush Becca has just approached him.
She started talking and he's doing his very best
to pay attention,
but the smell of his armpit sweat isn't helping.
When in the presence of the limerick object,
one can exhibit feelings of shyness and insecurity.
This often presents itself in physical discomfort,
as well as excessive sweating, stammering
and a racing heart that doesn't seem to calm.
Three, putting them on a pedestal.
Billy can't help it, Becca's perfect.
She has the perfect bronze hair,
the most beautiful ocean blue eyes
and her intelligence is unmatched.
Albert Einstein, you kidding,
he's a joke compared to Becca.
But this idea of Becca is likely overly heightened
in Billy's eyes.
I use the words likely, but Albert Einstein, really?
Someone suffering from limerence
can often make an irrational, positive evaluation
of their partner or crush.
They may think they are perfect in every way,
the best personality, the most compatible,
the idealistic partner with seemingly no flaws.
When in reality, they have flaws like all the rest of us.
The main issue may be, you simply don't know them enough
to find out what those imperfections may be.
And if you have unrequited love,
you may have a tougher time realizing this
because they might not stick around you
long enough for you to find out their flaws.
Four, emotional dependency.
You feel as though you're not complete
when you are away from your partner or crush.
It hurts when they're not around and you feel ecstatic
and euphoric when they are,
you possess a strong urge to be around them all the time.
And this desire can last throughout the day
until you meet their gaze again.
Five, longing for reciprocation.
If they are indeed a crush, you go into the mood of despair
when you know they don't feel the same way about you
as you feel about them.
But if they say they like you, you feel euphoric
and a sense of elation.
Six, fantasizing reciprocation.
Do you spend a moment or two daydreaming about your crush?
We know Billy does.
Those who are going through a state of limerence
may fantasize about spending time with their crush.
They may also accessibly fantasize about them,
reciprocating their feelings for them
through a romantic date, marriage, or future life together.
An addictive form of romantic attraction, limerence
has its highs as well as lows.
One can seek relief from the harsh reality
of their crush not feeling the same, but imagining they do.
When experiencing limerence
one seeks the high of reciprocation.
They simply imagine that reciprocation
to relieve themselves from the aching sensation
in their heart
from their crush not feeling the same way about you.
All Billy ever wanted was for his crush to care about him
as much as he cares for her.
While daydreaming may provide relief, it is only short-lived
as he's only left to simply wake up.
Poor Billy, it's best to mourn the loss of reciprocation
and dating possibilities and accept the long lived notion
that there is indeed plenty of fish in the sea,
but they won't be Becca.
So do you relate to any of these signs?
If so, what do you plan to do next?
Share with us in the comments down below.
Have you learned of their flaws and less romantic behaviors?
When in doubt, a helpful trick is to just remember
that tuna sandwich they ate at lunch,
there's one way in, and there's one way out.
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