I need to move on... and get the sting outta my heart!
[groaning]
[screaming]
Now the sting is in my eyes!
- The moustache is fake. - Oh, really?
[screaming]
Oh, what do you know, it is you!
Good thing you don't have any facial hair yet,
that would have hurt!
[music playing]
[whining]
Jennifer's my girl, bucko!
And I challenge you to a battle of honor for her hand!
[slapping]
Very well then, my friend.
I must warn you, I am the jealous type.
[slapping]
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!
How long do I have to wear this cheesing thing?
- Just one period. - But I'm not even Irish!
Just dance the Leprechaun Dance!
[music playing]
Ned, this is a bit distracting to the rest of the students.
You got a problem with that?
Are you the kid who takes pants?
As I climbeth this ladder... ith.
Upon you, a kiss I shall place!
Oh, Romeo!
Yup, it'll be a kiss the audience will never forget.
[laughing]
Our first order of Club Ned business is to find... the cutest picture of Ned!
Actually...
It's this baby photo of him in the tub.
[screaming]
Oh, come on!
[music playing]
[explosion]
[screaming]
Very nice, Miss Mosley.
Just put it over there on the extra credit table
and we'll see if it's worth that A plus.
[music playing]
Actually... I'm not quite done with it yet.
Have to make a couple more improvements.
♪ Ave Maria ♪
I have my mother's eyes, but my... father's voice.
You know Ned's a booger eater, right?
What? I am not!
Oh... does your girlfriend know you're a liar too?
OK, yeah, when I was three.
- Once a booger eater, always a booger-- - Please stay out of this!
- Are you through? - No.
Does Suzie know you pee yourself?
- When I was four! - Six!
Five! And I don't do it anymore...
You know, we don't have to go to the Rose Garden.
We can just take a walk and... look for your pants.
Oh, we're going to the Rose Garden, and we're gonna totally make out.
You mean like this?
Mosley looks crazy, man!
Abort the mission, I repeat, abort the mission!
Come on, we're going to the Rose Garden!
Er, I think I'll just stay and eat cheese--
Do you think Lisa Zemo's hot?
Um... I can't answer that due to the fact that I'm 40.
Perfect.
[music playing]
[spluttering]
Well, what you need is some manly advice.
Which I will demonstrate with these dolls.
Now, every relationship, and every woman, is different.
For instance, Suzie might be the kind of girl
who likes a guy who takes charge.
So if you grow even wimpier...
"Do you like my sweater?"
She'll grow tired of you and dump you.
"Oh, I want a real man, I'm dumping you!"
"No! Oh, no!"
Or you could go back to your super bully ways.
"Hey, baby, what's shaking?"
And she could be repulsed by your leatheriness and dump you!
"I am repulsed by your leatheriness and hereby, dump you!"
"Oh, no, no!"
But which one should we do?
Wimpy or bully?
Hmm, tough choice.
So we will do what all great men do when faced with a tough choice!
We flip a coin.
[music playing]
There's no way I can get hurt now!
[clanging]
Ouch...
I'm doomed to live in this no-flirting zone forever!
Wait a minute...
- You're a girl. - Thanks for noticing.
The Super Deluxe Triple Decker Extreme Ham Turkey and Ham Sandwich!
With extra ham!
Ham!
That is awesome!
Mind if I have one bite?
Ham...
Come on, just one bite, it's a masterpiece!
What's one bite?
[crunching]
[music playing]
[gasping]
You can start worrying now.
OK, let's test this baby out!
[blowing]
[screaming]
Suzie's suffocating me!
She's dressing me and buying me shoes and making me dye her hair!
Which... is actually kinda fun.
Don't tell anyone that!
Hey, coconut head, could you call me Jennifer instead of Mos, please?
You got it... Jennifer!
And do you think you could stop calling me coconut head?
Get a decent haircut and we'll talk.
♪ Cowboy Cookie The ladies really love 'im ♪
♪ Cowboy Cookie The best ya ever saw ♪
♪ Cowboy Cookie The bullies they don't scare 'im ♪
♪ Cowboy Cookie Yipee, yipee, yeehaw ♪
Stop laughing or you two are going down to the office!
That's not the only thing going down!
[laughing]
Pretty lame talent show.
What did you say?
Sorry, wrong number!
Suzie is gonna dump me!
OK, stop stressing and think!
Did you do anything to upset her or hurt her
or eat with your mouth open in any way?
Your nose looks really big here!
[laughing]
Wow!
[groaning]
[gargling]
No.
And the winning team for the trip to the capital is...
Evelyn and Simon!
- Yes! - Yes!
That means Lisa's not going with Seth!
You do realize that means you're going with Evelyn?
[gasping]
He's stuck again.
- Come on! - Relax, relax, relax.