Growing up I was a very self-centred child. I mean in a good way,
I would put myself and my thinking first, I would give space to myself mentally and
I enjoyed that space, I needed that space. So it was a question of time until
it all kind of like, you know the penny dropped and I started to look at my own
behaviour as something you know more in focus really than ever before. I was diagnosed as
an adult in 2018 and so all my life I basically had no idea of the condition. It came about
because of employment really. All my life I've worked and had some wonderful roles
and then there came a point where I was out, I was out of work. I picked up my C.V. and I started
looking at all the jobs I'd done and each and every one of them I had a social tension somewhere
in that environment. When someone's talking to me, I kind of understand what they want to say
straight away and I'm waiting for them just to say it but they're creating this whole story,
this whole bubble of information and I'm busy, I know I have to get back to what I'm doing
and at the same time I have to kind of like sit there patiently and wait for them to actually
get to the punch line and it's annoying the hell out of me. Anyway bottom line I created a lot
of attention, a lot of tensions, I would tell people just you know 'just get to the point' or 'what is
it you want?' or 'why don't you just say that in the first place?' There were problems with
social relationships and dealing with normal human behaviour in the workplace that
I struggled with for many years and that's what led me to seek a diagnosis of autism.
As you can see by my back wall here, I love art. I love to draw. This was probably one of my first
pictures, 98. A beautiful picture - 'The Bathos' from William Hogarth, British artist
but I'm gonna show you some of the stuff that doesn't get a chance to see the light of day!
This one here talking a little bit about the speed and in my mind,
at the speed of mind when someone really is trying to understand the speed of mind. In my case
I like to get here as quickly as possible; in conversation, in behaviour.
All the wishy-washy stuff on the back or around the sides - not interested.
I just like to get straight to the point in everything I do basically. No time to waste!
This one very personal, very intricate as well. A little bit about my head and the
amount of stuff that goes through the head when you're processing information particularly when
someone's explaining something to you and looking at this rather blank expression on
your face - well that's pretty much what's going on. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not but
the mind has a lot to process at all times. This one probably one of the most direct
in understanding the difference in thinking that I have and it just
goes into so much detail about the way I see the world and the way I deal with the world.
It all really does emphasize how useful it is to get your emotions out of your head and onto paper.
You know since the diagnosis it's been very different, you know in some cases it's been really
helpful to disclose my diagnosis, in other cases a disclosure has caused even more complications
for people. Then they start to treat you differently, they start to act differently around
around me. The bottom line is this: when you behave in a very erratic way
in the workplace, it could be a comment - a flippant comment you make to somebody,
it could be something you brush aside with no emotion, talking about myself,
you can't help but being looked at as a bit of a strange one, you know 'he's a bit strange,
that was a bit weird wasn't it?' you know that's just gonna happen, that's human nature. Don't get
offended, don't get surprised but I'll tell you this: the moment you say actually "I'm a diagnosed
autistic person", the tolerance levels change in others. They can take more of your peculiarities
so that is definitely a huge difference when you look at the past and you look at now. I'm
going to say to you what I really think society should do and it is not intelligent and it's not
complex or anything. I think society should teach people to be respectful of others
regardless of their race, of their disability, of their weight,
of their sexual orientation. I think categorisation is a necessary evil.
We need to do it in order to address particular demographics, particular groups and support them
but the evil is that we segregate, we categorize, we block people off and we name them,
and because of that you are now different. You are a category you are BME - it's a category. You
are autistic = category, you're not just a person anymore. Society should go back to teaching
people to respect people. Doesn't matter, okay? You can be everything you want to be in the
workplace, just show your respect to other people. Show manners, justice, honesty, respect. That's
all. It's worth as an individual just taking time to really get you know knuckle down
on the specifics on what really is difficult for you. What are the challenges? Take that with you
to your autism assessment. Talk about that. Just interrogate that, dissect that more because
ultimately you're really getting to know yourself in a new way and that is what it's all about. It's
exciting! It's exciting and I tell you something the end game is much better than the beginning!