Why, hello there, my BEAUTIFUL peasants.
How are you all doing today?
Good, I hope.
Anyway, yes, it's that time again.
It's that time for another episode of--you guessed it--
say it with me now...
Sebastian...
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRoasts!
Well, I hope you peasants managed to keep up with me.
Anywho, by now you understand the format of these videos,
and as always, we have a beautiful theme that we try and stick to.
And this episode's theme is dad jokes...
Hmm...
So prepare yourself a cup of...
cringe tea. (chuckles softly)
(reads comment)
Although yes, I will agree, it is a funny joke,
I would suggest that your father discipline you more so you don't spew profanities around the house.
(reads comment)
(barely audible) Yes...
(continues comment)
Perhaps he could turn himself into a sandwich also,
so I won't feel bad when I dispose of you two.
I imagined you'd both be quite distasteful sandwiches anyway, like...
tuna and mayonnaise with far too much mayonnaise.
Ugh.
(reads comment)
Ha-ha-ha-haaaa!
Kill me, please.
End my life.
That was...
That was just... horrific.
Your name is Freedom Howl, but I assure you, no one will be howling after your jokes.
Yes, that is true.
(reads comment)
Is this how a conversation goes on Tumblr?
I'm- I'm not- I'm not familiar with the website,
but I'm- I've been told it's something... of this sort.
(reads comment)
(laughing complemented with claps)
Yes!
Yes, I want to die!
(laughing descends into crying)
It's...
It's so bad!
Young lord, please order me to kill myself!
(reads beginning of comment)
It probably doesn't exist in my comments section, then, to be honest.
(continues reading)
(clap)
Da-dum-dum-chhhh!
Drumroll, please!
That was AMAZING!
Honestly, I don't blame your ex-wife for trying to kill you after making such awful, awful jokes like these.
(reads comment)
I mean, come on, that's not really a joke,
that's just fact, let's be realistic here.
And secondly, you edited your comment.
What did you do?
Did you make a grammatical error?
I think you did!
Perhaps, if you edited next time, I would suggest changing the "I really don't care" to-
"I really do care about Sebastian, he's a great guy...
"and his videos are hilarious."
Wolfie Covers says,
(starts reading comment)
Oh wait, sorry, I'm...
I'm not using my Ciel voice.
Let me- (clears throat)
(rereads but in his overexaggerated Ciel voice)
Was that good enough?
I feel like I'm overdoing it a little bit, but n- nevermind.
(continues comment, but speaks in his mock Ciel voice whenever appropriate)
Ho-ho!
You could say I owned him!
(chuckles)
Yes, I am quite well-versed in the slang of the Internets.
(reads next comment)
Okay, do I have to just wait, or...?
you gonna email it to me, or are you gonna comment again, or phone call?
I...
You've... I- I- I feel like I'm missing something here, like...
the joke is kind of not done, and I...
I'm kind of annoyed that I don't know... how I'm gonna receive the rest of the joke.
No? Just me?
And now, a true love story between two individuals arguing in my comment section.
Truly, it is worth your time, I assure you.
Now watch as I narrate this story.
(reads comment)
(chuckles)
(continues reading)
(snorts from the irony)
Zachary David (actually Davis, but w/e) replies quite swiftly, might I add.
(reads second comment)
Ciel Sherlock swiftly responds with a comeback!
(reads third comment)
Zachary Davis replies with a decisive blow!
(reads fourth comment)
Ciel Sherlock replies with a killing blow!
(reads fifth comment)
(snorts)
And of course, Ciel Sherlock, as a very, very busy person, couldn't continue with this battle.
Who won in your eyes?
Let me know in the poll above.
Although I'm sure we can all agree that even if we added both of their brain cells together,
we would still get a whopping... zero brain cells.
(chuckles)
Yes, very much so.
(reads comment exactly as it's spelled)
Now, there are two scenarios here which I would like to propose a roast for.
First off, if it is YOU who used "you are" incorrectly,
then I would slap your father and ask why he hasn't taught you better.
The second scenario is that your father used "you are" incorrectly.
Now, if this is the case, I would STRONGLY suggest that your father learn how to use English correctly,
before mating and bringing more humans into this world that will be taught how to use English incorrectly.
Do you understand?
Thank you, goodbye, and have a good day.
Gosh, I'm being quite savage today, aren't I?
"How do you make-
hah-!
ho-
holy...
holy- (chuckles nervously)
holy water?
(gags)
(reads rest of comment normally)
OH God!
RUUUN!!
THEY'VE FOUND OUT HOW TO DO IT!!
QUICKLY!!
WE HAVE TO RUN!!
Oh, please.
Come on, you think I would die to a bit of water?
You think I would die to something like that?
Please, what kind of Wizard of Oz witch knockoff do you take me for?
I'm a DEMON, not a pussy.
Although I wouldn't complain if I was.
I do love cats, after all.
(reads comment)
That is the definition of a dad joke, and I love it.
(reads comment)
Ha-ha-haaaa! (clap)
(attempts to read eldritch abomination of comment)
And then someone... kindly replied, saying "Sebastian."
(laughing) Why...
Why would you bother correcting anything in this?
Look at it! It's a mess!
Why- (laughs)
I appreciate you looking to correct someone, but...
there's a lot more wrong with that sentence than my name being spelled incorrectly.
I mean...
Just look at the wall of mess there is!
Oh God!
(reads comment)
For a moment there, I thought, "Wow...
"That's really touching and depressing, and I feel sorry for you."
But then I saw your name was Annoyed Claude...
and I was like, "OH MY GOD!!
"IT ALL MAKES SENSE!!!
"Of COURSE he'd leave you!"
If I brought Claude into this world, you'd damn bet I'm gonna run.
(reads comment)
(fake laughing and groaning)
Just how I feel reading these comments.
(reads comment exactly as it's spelled and tries not to laugh)
I'm assuming you were drinking toilet water while you were writing this,
because your sentence structure is just appalling.
Especially in the first line,
"Mom, why all people hate mistakes?"
(laughs)
Are you inhaling glue or something?
I'm not sure why your sentence structure is so bad.
I'm very confused.
(reads comment)
I wish these jokes grew on me even slightly.
(reads comment)
That's probably one of the best ones we've had today.
Well done. (claps)
(reads comment)
(claps)
(reads comment)
Ciel, motherFUCKER!
(reads comment)
(reads next comment)
Ha-ha-haaaa!
(reads comment)
Ah yes, a joke that implies tea is better than coffee.
Nothing warms my heart more.
Anyway, THANK you, my BEAUTIFUL peasants, for a fantastic episode...
of Sebastian... RRRRRRoasts!
It was a beautiful one.
And as always, the theme for the next episode is...
Let's revisit an older theme; one of my favorite themes, in fact.
Pick-up lines.
Give me your best, your worst, your most cringe-inducing pick-up lines.
My body is ready.
Try and woo me to the best of your ability.
I will see you beautiful peasants... next time.
"What do you call a pile of cats?
"A meoOOooOOoow-tain!"
(laughs)
I- what am I doing?
"What do you call it when two Mexicans play basketball against each other?
"Juwan o-"
(laughs)
Juwan...
Ah, I butchered that.
"Sebastian, I'm hungry! Bring me more caAKE!"
(laughs) What was that voice crack?
CaAke!
(laughs)
"SebAAAAAAAAAstian!
(laughs)
(outro music starts fading in) "Here is a joke that is SOOOOOOOO origina-"
(laughs)
A little too much there, Connor.
"I wanna tell you something.
"What is it?"
SEASON 2 OF BLACK BUTLER IS AWFUL!!!
"My best dad joke..."
My dad!
He's a joke!
A-HA!
(outro)