How long does it take to get your ex back? That's what we're going to be talking about
in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get
the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play mind games,
without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something
that you are not, because you of course deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful
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hit the thumbs up button. Okay. Also, we are talking about how long
it takes to get your ex back. If you do want our full start to finish strategy for all
of that, we do have a course called the Ex Solution Program. You can find info on that
down in the description box below this video. Feel free to sign up for you if it seems like
a good fit. If it's not a good fit, don't worry. I'm not going to twist your arm about
it. Okay, so what we're going to be talking about
here is how long it takes to get your ex back. I know there's a lot of stuff out there that
will tell you that like, hey, use this reverse psychology drift and your ex will come crawling
back to you over broken shards of glass within 24 hours or something like that. Let's just
say, I've not been impressed with most of that stuff.
I'm a guy who has an audience of people who want to get back together with their exes,
and so many times these other people will reach out to me yeah and say, "Hey, will you
like recommend my ebook, or my product, or my thing to your audience. I'll pay you money
as like a referral commission or something," so I've seen a lot of these other strategies
out there. Let's just say, I'm not particularly impressed with them. In my honest opinion,
a lot of these strategies seem like things that you could find if you basically did like
30 minutes of research on the internet. It's not that it's necessarily wrong, I mean like
if your mind is kind of inclined to think mind games and stuff like that, but it's like,
okay, is this actually worth recommending to other people? Like when they could just
do 30 minutes of research and be like, "Okay, cool. No contact rule, all right." Mention
to them that you want to get together for coffee. Cool. Now you're back together. Right?
You don't need that. But anyway, that is neither here nor there.
What we're talking about here is how long it takes to get your ex back. I know that
there's a lot of expectation that this should be happening very quickly. It should happen
in like 24 hours, a week, or something like that. But you have to remember that most likely
your relationship didn't come apart in a matter of 24 hours, or a week, or something like
that. Most likely it happened over a period of time as the trust, as the belief, as the
faith in that relationship was eroded due to whatever caused it to erode, whether that
was not being on the same team, whether that was a lack of trust, whether that was poor
communication, whether that was something else.
That erosion happened over a period of time. As we start to rebuild that emotional trust
in a future with you and your ex together, that is understandably going to take some
time. All snake oil aside and all shards of broken glass aside, it is likely to take some
time. Typically, I don't like to put this out there
because then people kind of take the passive route and say like, "Okay, he said six months
or something, therefore I just have to white knuckle it through six months and magically
we're going to be back together." No, but typically I would not be surprised if someone
got back together with their ex within six to 12 months. Okay. That's kind of like the
average range of what I've noticed over all of these many years helping people through
this. Of course, that's not just passively sitting
back and kicking your feet up on the table and saying like, "Okay, I'm just going to
wait for six to 12 months to happen and then we're going to be back together." Obviously
this is six to 12 months of you doing the right things. Okay. This can't just be you
just waiting, you just doing no contact, you just using mind games or reverse psychology
or something. This has to be six months of you doing the right things.
You, of course, are an active participant in this process. I think that is very obvious
for most people out there. You were an active participant. This isn't just a matter of white
knuckling it through this. This is a matter of bringing yourself to the interactions in
the best possible way that you can so that you can really demonstrate to your ex that
they're not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of and that they can
actually see a exciting and uplifting future for the two of you together, so they would
actually want to get back together with you. I think that that should be fairly obvious
for the right people out there anyway. Anyway, yeah, if you do want to learn more
about all of this stuff by the way, we do have an entire video playlist on what we call
advanced relational skills. You can find that right up there. That is what I am talking
about when I say we have to bring ourselves to the interactions in the right way. You
have to embody these advanced relational skills and you have to embody bringing yourself to
interacting with your ex in the most optimal sort of way so that you can create that bond,
that connection and all of that. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if it took someone
six to 12 months. Does that mean that it's going to take you six to 12 months? No, not
necessarily. You might be able to do it faster. I've seen people that have gotten back together
faster. I've had clients that in the past we've signed up to work together for like
three months or something and it's like, "Okay, it's been eight weeks. You're back together.
What do you want to talk about for the next month?" Right. Like, "What do you want to
do?" We just talk about like relationship management stuff, personal development stuff
so they can kind of keep that relationship strong.
Sometimes it takes someone longer than 12 months, and that's totally fine too. Everyone
has their own things that they're struggling with. Everyone has their own personality quirks
that they're struggling with. Everyone has their own details of the situation that are
unique or different. So it shouldn't bother you if it's going to happen sooner, obviously,
or longer, if this is the right relationship that it's worth going to bat for.
Okay. Now, I know that you're wondering like, "Okay, I get it, but what I want to know is,
do I still have a chance? Like, okay, I get it. Maybe my ex is going to come crawling
back over broken shards of glass because I did no contact for like 24 hours, right, but
do I still have a chance?" What I look at here is whether or not there's progress being
made in a person's situation. Like, "Okay, I get it. It might take some time, but as
long as there's some sort of progress that's happening." Like, okay, before maybe the two
of you weren't having positive interactions. Can you at least have one positive interaction?
Okay, you had one positive interaction. Can we start to have two or three or make it into
a regular thing where there's more positive interactions and less negative interactions?
Can we start to do that? That's what I'm looking for when there's progress.
Now, if there's progress and this is still something that you want to continue to pursue,
yeah, sure, go ahead and do it. But if there's not progress being made and it's been a reasonable
amount of time and you've tried a reasonable number of approaches to try to get that progress
happening, after like maybe three to six months, I might tap you on the shoulder. Obviously
I can't do that now. Social distancing and all that stuff, and also it's the internet.
I can't only reach through the screen right yet and tap you on the shoulder. But I would
virtually tap you on the shoulder and say, "Hey, it doesn't seem like there's a lot of
progress being made here. Is this still something that you want to do?" I basically would be
checking in on you, not because I'm some sort of like all seeing oracle that says, "Hey,
there has been no progress in three months. It is hopeless. You need to give up," but
because I'm just checking in with you as someone who cares about your wellbeing and wants to
see you happy. You can say, "Yes, I do want to keep doing
this." Okay, cool. Well, let's look at why you haven't made any progress and if there's
anything that we needed to change. Like is it because you haven't really been working
on those advanced relational skills? Is it because you haven't really gotten yourself
out of damage control mode? Is it because of something else? Like let's look at that.
If it's not something you want to do, that's totally fine as well, too. Nobody says you
have to get back together with your ex. People can change their mind just given more information.
If their ex is unable or unwilling to be the kind of partner that they want and they start
to love themselves enough to see that they deserve more, then that's totally fine to
say, "Okay, I don't want my ex back." People ask me all the time, "What's your success
rate, Clay?? It's really hard because it's like, well, what's the success rate of a gym,
right? It depends on how someone is bringing themselves to the interaction. There could
be someone that goes to the gym like once a month. That person's probably not going
to develop physically in whatever way they want to as much as someone who goes every
single day or maybe like every couple of days, depending on what sort of workout you're doing
and diligently does whatever they need to do to kind of develop themselves physically.
It's the same thing when it comes to advanced relational skills and getting yourself to
the point where you're able and ready and willing to kind of develop that emotional
connection that you need in order to get back together with your ex. Of course, if somebody
goes to the gym and they like hurt themselves, obviously I would, if I was a gym owner, I
would want them to stop going to the gym and to recover. In the same way as if you learn
to love yourself enough, to the point where you realize, "Okay, I don't need to be in
a relationship with someone who has NPD," I would view that as a success. Maybe you
might not view it as a success because they didn't get back together with their narcissist
ex or something like that, but I wouldn't view it as a success. It just depends on how
you slice and dice it. But anyway, yeah, I wouldn't worry too much
about how long it takes to get back together with your ex, as long as you are looking at
progress. Is there progress being made? Just rough, not within the realm of shocking surprise
if it takes you within six to 12 months. Okay. Don't believe the marketing hype out there
that says you can get back together with your ex by this weekend if you use this reverse
psychology trick or something like that. In my experience, these have been very disappointing
and they backfire more often than they actually work, but that is just my opinion.
Anyway, I hope this has helped you out. If you would like to learn more about the advanced
relational skills, we do have this video series over here on advanced relational skills, or
if you'd like to learn more, you can also check out this video over here. But thank
you so much for watching. Once again, my name is Clay. Please take care, and I'll talk to
you in the next video.