- Hello, all right, so there's been a lot of talk about
how it's supposed to be the end of the world
on December 21st, 2012.
And that's due to the Mayan calendar
and how it's running out, et cetera.
Personally, I don't buy it, because people
have been predicting the end of the world
for, I don't know, the last thousand years.
And I don't know how many of you remember Y2K,
but nothing happened there.
But even though I don't believe
that the world's going to end in only a few months,
it's still got me thinking, what would I do
if I knew that the world was going to end?
So I decided to come up with a list of things
that I would wanna get done before the world ended.
And some people call it a bucket list,
you know, before they die,
and this one's gonna be similar,
except it's before-the-end-of-the-world list.
20 things to do before the end of the world.
Go streaking.
What better way to celebrate the apocalypse
than to streak down the streets of your local town?
And I think the best part about streaking
during the apocalypse is,
what's the police gonna do about it?
Like, they're worried about looters and murderers.
I don't really think they're worried about
me in my birthday suit doing the windmill.
There's a little visual for you.
Tell everybody exactly what I think about them.
And I mean exactly.
Doesn't matter who it is.
With the freedom of knowing that
there will be no consequences for my actions
because the world's going to end,
I'm free to just let loose.
You (bleep)ing dickface piece of (bleep)!
Oh, well, sorry, Grandma.
I know that was a little harsh.
But you didn't send me a birthday card this year!
Pray to God.
Now, I'm not religious by any means,
but I figure a good prayer right before Judgment Day
might go a long way to help get me into the Pearly Gates.
Can't hurt!
Burn my underwear in protest
of the unfair destruction of Earth.
If an alien race are the ones
that are going to destroy this planet,
I feel like that would make a statement.
(explosions)
Damn you, aliens!
(distant military shouting)
I should win an Oscar.
Party like it's 1999.
♫ Tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999 ♫
But really, I would spend all my money,
and just have a ridiculously ballin'-ass party
with all my friends and family, and with any luck,
I'll just be passed out before the world ends.
Win-win.
Email back all my Nigerian cousins.
You know those phishing scam emails
from your Nigerian cousin that says
that they're a prince and they have
a million dollars for you, but only if
you send them like $1000 first
to get the ball rolling?
I would respond to each one of those
and tell them that the check is in the mail
and it'll be there December 22nd.
("I Am Glad, 'Cause I'm Finally Returning Back Home")
Visit all the places in the world that I never did.
The only place outside of Canada I've ever been is LA.
And the world is a big place!
Like, I've always wanted to visit Europe, the UK, China,
Japan, Australia, Italy, and a whole bunch of other places.
Fart in church.
Just because.
(choral chanting)
(passes gas) (laughter)
Return all the Christmas presents
that I bought during the year.
Like really, what's the point of keeping them?
But then again, if the world's gonna end,
and currency has no value, hmm.
Wear my underwear outside my pants.
Well, shit, I'll just cross that bitch off right now.
Open all the cages at the zoo and let the animals roam free.
Mostly just because I've always wanted
to reenact the scenes from Jumanji.
Now would be my chance!
Get a Mike Tyson tattoo.
I wanna see him in the ring, I'll eat his children.
Delete my Facebook account.
Wait a minute, the world is ending.
I don't need Facebook anymore!
I'm free!
Free!
Pimp out my ride.
I have always wanted to just spend a ridiculous amount
of money and just completely pimp out my ride.
And now I might as well make that happen.
(rhythmic music)
Go into Toys "R" Us and ride a bicycle around
until they kick me out.
That's it.
I've just always wanted to do that.
Eat a can of dog or cat food.
I've just always wondered if those steak and chicken dinners
that we feed our pets actually taste like steak and chicken,
or if we've been feeding our pets lies.
Dress up as Kermit the Frog.
I would wanna go around and impersonate Kermit the Frog
and ask everyone if they've seen Miss Piggy.
I feel like it wouldn't hurt to put
a few smiles on some people's faces,
knowing that they're about to die.
(maniacal laughter)
Completely shave my head.
Oh, I haven't updated this list in a while.
Attend someone's birthday and actually buy them a pony.
I can't tell you how many times
I've been to someone's birthday,
given them a gift, and them be like,
"Oh, is it a pony? (sarcastic laughter)"
This time I'll be like, "Yeah, mother(bleep), it is."
And finally, adopt 10 puppies.
Seriously, what better way to spend your last day on earth
than surrounded by 10 adorable puppies?
It's a no-brainer.
So yeah, those would be the top 20 things
that I would wanna do if I knew that the world was ending,
but I really don't think it's going to end on December 21st.
I've been saying that for a while.
And even if it does end on December 21st,
there's not gonna be anyone left
to tell me I was wrong, so hah!
But that's it for this video, guys,
and I will see you Saturday!
Peace.
(electronic musical overture)
(beep)
Hello.
(fake startled scream)
(incoherent babble)
Free!