“Is it because you smoked too much weed?”
“So does that mean you have a split personality?”
“Are you dangerous?”
“Do the voices tell you to hurt people then?”
Yeah, all the time.
“So does that mean you have a split personality?”
I hate, hate that with a passion.
I hate that.
But it doesn’t even mean that...
It is a myth the sort of old Jekyll and Hyde sort of stereotype.
The actual meaning is it’s split mind right?
Right.
It’s not personality.
You have one reality here and then you kind of know that there’s another reality out
here…
You feel like everything is porous and then your skin is porous and your inside and outside
are almost in the same zone.
Sometimes they get mixed up and sometimes they’re totally separate but they’re both
still going on.
I am Sammy I’ll always be Sammy and I just have moments of, you know, wonder.
“Shouldn’t you be in an institution?”
Just rip that one up and threw it.
Woops, bye!
Been there done that.
Yeah exactly.
They expect everyone who has schizophrenia to be put into a straightjacket, thrown into
a white van.
It’s not as easy as just go, like “shouldn’t you be institutionalised?”
It’s not that easy.
We should, er, be involved in the community more...
Absolutely. ...and linked with people.
Some people need to be in a hospital and that’s fine.
If you need to be in a hospital that’s what you need.
I’d rather not I’d rather be out on road like you are like...
Exactly.
I’d rather be you know, I want to go to the pub on a Sunday.
“Remember, it’s all in your head.”
Ah thanks.
You know if only you could get in here and see what it’s really like.
My schizophrenia kind of undulates all the time.
You can’t just switch it off can you.
I know what it’s like to just shut down.
It’s kind of like a dam breaking and it triggers all these symptoms.
For me it’s so consuming it consumes your world it’s not just your head.
I get psychosomatic pains...
I feel like half of it is also physical. ...but when I go to the doctor and get it
checked out there’s nothing wrong with me.
You can have touch hallucinations, you can feel like someone’s just punched you in
the face, sitting there.
“Do the voices tell you to hurt people?”
Some people do hear voices and sometimes those voices are not very nice.
I also hear other sounds, like my, one of my most common sounds I hear rats scratching.
I know someone who, who hears voices but it’s really positive so they’re like “You’re
doing great today” or you know “Today’s a nice day.”
Other times the voices can sort of say to you “Don’t talk about me.
Why are you talking about me?”
Abit, that’s what’s kind of happening a lot at the moment actually.
“Are you dangerous?”
Ohh..
I can be.
The first thing they think of is like horror films.
Especially in the media when someone does something bad it’s always “He has mental
illness.”
There was a Halloween costume being sold on Amazon called “Schizo” um and basically
it was a guy in an orange jumpsuit with a muzzle.
I may be dangerous to myself but not, not anybody else.
If I’ve been really bad like I’ve wanted to hurt myself or like self-harming or stuff
like that.
And most people don’t forget about that they just see all this sort of crap on, you
know in the news or whatever about how people are like dangerous or whatever but actually
most of the time we just live normal day to day lives.
Ahh “Is it because you smoked too much weed?”
Ahh well I did.
I don’t smoke.
I’ve never smoked.
No neither do I, no.
They put down that my psychosis at uni was drug induced when I wasn’t even smoking
drugs at the time.
Are you serious?
Ever.
Um if I hadn’t smoked weed I don’t believe I would have my illness and I wish I could
go back to my eleven-year-old self and say “Don’t smoke it.”
Oh this is quite a funny one, “So you must be really creative right?”
Yeah I am!
“Oh that’s why you’re creative, you know you’ve got the extra couple of people
in your head.”
I wouldn’t relate the two.
I would say it’s just who I am.
I’m never creative when I’m really unwell.
Do you think that’s true that we are pretty creative?
Yeah I guess it, yeah..
I guess so innit..
Yeah.
I’m going to take that one, that’s a good one.
“Will you ever be able to live a normal life?”
There is no such thing as normal.
My experiences are where they’ve got me today, and I feel quite proud of where I’ve
got today.
Ever since I’ve been diagnosed I’ve been more happy with myself, I’ve been more accepting
of myself.
I think people think you can’t do normal things like go to the pub on a Sunday.
I can lead a, lead a good life and we both lead a good life don’t we, so...yeah.
Yeah we do, yeah.
Yeah we’re just like you.
Just like you.
“Are you dangerous?”
Ohh..
I can be.
The first thing they think of is like horror films.
Especially in the media when someone does something bad it’s always “He has mental
illness.”
There was a Halloween costume being sold on Amazon called “Schizo” um and basically
it was a guy in an orange jumpsuit with a muzzle.
I may be dangerous to myself but not, not anybody else.
If I’ve been really bad like I’ve wanted to hurt myself or like self-harming or stuff
like that.
And most people don’t forget about that they just see all this sort of crap on, you
know in the news or whatever about how people are like dangerous or whatever but actually
most of the time we just live normal day to day lives.
“Do the voices tell you to hurt people?”
Some people do hear voices and sometimes those voices are not very nice.
I also hear other sounds, like my, one of my most common sounds I hear rats scratching.
I know someone who, who hears voices but it’s really positive so they’re like “You’re
doing great today” or you know “Today’s a nice day.”
Other times the voices can sort of say to you “Don’t talk about me.
Why are you talking about me?”
Abit, that’s what’s kind of happening a lot at the moment actually.