Hey guys, in this video
we're going to talk about
why women test men.
But good news if she's testing you
there's actually a reason
why you should be happy about that.
I'm going to share that with you in just a minute.
We're also going to go over some examples of
what those tests might look like
whether or not she's testing you
or she's just sabotaging the relationship
and how you can test her
to reveal her true character.
If you're new to my channel
my name is Anna Jorgensen.
I'm a dating coach for men in Vancouver, Canada.
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(Music)
The good news is that
if she's testing you, there's a chance
she actually might like you.
Because women don't typically
test men they have no romantic interest in,
there's no reason to.
She's never going to have to rely on you
for the long haul
and even if the long haul is a
one-night stand for her.
Women are instinctively
wanting to test men to see
whether or not she might want to turn
a one-night stand into a long haul.
And so, if she is testing you
then that's actually good news
because there's potential that
she's interested in you.
But what if she's just mixed up
and emotionally not very
what's a good word?
What if she's just messed up?
What if she's emotionally messed up
and she's so damaged from things
that have happened to her in
her previous relationships,
which probably stem from her childhood
that she's just really trying to
sabotage the relationship?
Well, the difference between testing you
and her sabotaging is
do you pass the test?
If you actually pass the test
well by standing your ground
or setting a boundary
or following through on a consequence
then she should no longer
have to test you on that area.
And we'll go through some of the areas in just a minute.
But if she continuously tests you
in the same areas
then it might be that
she's really emotionally damaged.
And she's the one that
doesn't trust herself not you.
she doesn't trust herself
because she's made poor
judgment decisions in the past.
So, she's continuously testing you
to see if you are really being consistent
and that's not something that
you should actually have to put up with.
So, if you are attracted
to a damaged woman that's something
you really need to look at in yourself
as to why you would want to
be with someone who's that messed up.
If you're not sure if she's super insecure
you can watch my video on
if she's super insecure.
And that will help detail
if she actually is sabotaging the relationship
or is really insecure or jealous
or what have you and whether or not
that's really something you can work with.
You don't have to stay with a woman
just because she tests you
and you keep passing these tests.
At some point in time you have to
look at is it worth it?
And if you are passing these test properly
by being a man in his strength
grounded in who you are
and you're still not making
headway with this woman
then you chose poorly
and you need to move on.
And you need to move on
and explore why you chose poorly,
which probably has something to do
with your childhood.
I've done other videos on
how to discover that which you can watch.
I'll probably put a link somewhere
just to help you out with that.
All right, so that's if she's
sabotaging versus just testing you.
Now, if a woman is testing you
she essentially wants to know that you
are what you're presenting yourself to be.
Because a lot of times when you like somebody.
If you like a girl or like a woman
then you're trying to put your best foot forward
but it's not always the real foot forward.
So, you're kind of sometimes trying to impress
with who you're not really
essentially authentically are.
And if you do that,
then you're going to have to keep
doing that for ever and ever.
And if she senses that
there's some incongruency
between your words and your actions
then she will actually test you to see
if you are actually true to your word.
And again, I'll get into
the specifics in just one minute,
she's so impatient.
Okay, the specifics
here's the minute later.
So, the reasons why
or the reasons that...
No, not the reasons.
So, some of the examples
of how she tests you are
if she tests your trigger points.
So, she might try to...
She might actually try to instigate a fight
or she might try to sort of
poke you on a topic that
she knows you're sensitive about
just to see how you handle conflict
and how your anger management skills are.
So, are you just like yeah, you know
we're going to agree to
disagree on this one
if it's something serious
or you treat her like a bratty little sister
be playful about it.
But if she tests you on something
that she's being playful about
and you react or overreact
or handle it poorly.
Or go into you know, name-calling
or attacking her character
then that's going to reveal
something about your character
that doesn't make her feel safe.
So, if she's testing you on trigger points
how you handle that
will reveal your true character
and will let her know
if she wants to move forward
with someone like you.
Sorry, but that's just that's the way it is.
Another way she might test you
is on jealousy.
She might try to make you jealous
or she might be jealous
if she's testing you with other women.
So, she might say you know
what do you think of my friend so and so
and she's really trying to see
if you think so and so is you know, pretty
or attractive or whatever.
And you can say
sure, Ashley is really good looking,
but you're the one I want to be with
depending on how that is.
Like, if you can tell that she's kind of
like insecure about it
then that's what you'd say.
Now, if she's just saying what do you think
what do you think of Ashley?
Well, let's be real like
why is she asking you
what you think of Ashley? It's a test
if you say she's a cool girl
then just see where it goes from there.
You know, you don't always
have to reassure her unless
she's taking it to the next step.
If she's trying to make you jealous
of her relationships with other guys
then that's a red flag
because why would she want
you to be jealous of other guys
that's a sign that she's insecure
and needs attention
or validation from other men.
And if she needs your attention
and validation to up the ante
so that she can feel good about herself.
We're going to need to go back
and watch my is she too insecure video
because that is something
that is really challenging to get through
it's going to be a lot of work if you
want to actually deal with that.
And again, you're going to have to look at yourself
and say why am I with this person?
Is she really that good-looking?
Come on guys, there's got to be
more to a relationship than physical attraction
if you want to be successful
and by successful I mean happy.
All right, the third thing or third way
she might test you is
if she changes or cancels plans.
So, it's a it's a relatively minor test
and she might not even do it intentionally.
Most of the tests are really not intentional
unless she's really been burned in the past
and she really needs to test you.
But generally if it's just like
she's a bad time management
or she's disorganized
or it's some kind of you know,
minor character flaw
then you just need to nip that in the butt
and say it's not okay to cancel plans like
if we make plans I've made an effort.
I've taken that time
out of my schedule to be with you
I expect you to follow through
if you can't do that then we're not
going to make plans anymore.
So, you don't have to be angry about it
you just have to address it
set boundaries and establish what the
consequences are going to be, really simple.
Like, I mean these are things that you can do with anybody.
You should be doing this with friendships,
you should be doing this with other types of relationships
whether they're business or personal.
It really doesn't matter
it's training other people
how to treat us.
Okay and then the fourth thing
or fourth way that she might test you is
if you've actually been in a relationship
for any length of time
whether you're courting, dating,
or maybe even married
and you've changed or she's changed.
So, if it's you that's changed like
if you've lost your job there's
reasonable expectation that
she should be supportive of you
for a length of time
that's what couples do, you know,
you lift each other up when you're down.
But if you've been unemployed
and it's years and you're now just
gaining weight eating chips
on the couch every day
and you've slipped into the habit of not caring
then yeah, she's going to need
to test you on getting you back
into the man that she first signed up for.
Just like you don't like being in a relationship
where she's let herself go
or start taking you for granted
or she's changed in some negative way
that is not temporary,
you're going to expect her
to get back to where she was
or improve herself to be
the kind of woman you want to stay with.
So, it's reasonable to expect that
after a period of time
whatever that time is
that is within your relationship
you both well, she may see as
seeming reasonable
then she's going to need to test you
to get you back to where you were.
If you've really slacked for longer
than what is reasonable
and you should really
know that within yourself.
Now, the other way of course is
if she's changed.
So, let's say she got together
and she was you know,
maybe a bit overweight or she's
wherever she felt like she lacked
this is the most common thing that happens.
Is that she starts to improve herself
she improves her self-esteem,
which usually ends up improving
her physical health
and her body shape
maybe she grows her hair out
or maybe she cuts it off or whatever it is.
But if she's now in a different place
and you're not there with her
she may test to see
if you're still the strong man
not physically but emotionally.
If you're the rock that she was...
That she signed up for, right like
if you, are you still there for her?
Are you still stimulating her in the ways
that she needs to be stimulated?
Now, sometimes people grow apart.
A lot of times it's women for whatever reason
they'll grow and then
they want you to catch up to them
or to continue to grow with them
and then you just don't
and the reality is you just
might not be compatible anymore.
And sometimes I've actually
talked to several guys
that it's happened to them
that they've been the one
that's outgrown the relationship.
But most of the time the reason why
so many divorces are initiated by women
is because they become unsatisfied
and they'll hint or sometimes
even overtly ask for what they need
and the man doesn't want
to give it to them can't give it to them
isn't interested in giving it
to them or whatever reason
and that means you're just simply
no longer compatible.
If the two of you met right now
being these two different people
you probably wouldn't even get together.
So, what's the point in staying together?
Now, I'm not saying that
the way divorce is happening are fair to men
especially in the states, they absolutely are not.
But I'm not talking about
the result of the divorce
I'm just talking about the
incompatibility of the relationship.
So, those are the four areas
where she will normally test you.
Now, what about you, you should be
testing a woman as well
because you want to make sure
that the character that she presents
is the character you really
want to sign up for
setting aside physical attraction.
Men are much more confident about a woman
that they're physically attracted to
or have sexual chemistry with.
Then they are about
the qualities behind them
and you'll put up with way too much
just to have that
sexual connection with somebody
and you really shouldn't.
A relationship that is going to succeed,
which means longevity and happiness
from both sides has to
have more than sexual compatibility.
So, test her
how can you test a woman?
The easiest way for a man to test a woman
is in the beginning
and you need to know right upfront
if she's a feminist or if she's a traditionalist.
Because those values need
to align with yours.
Because if you're signing up
to be with a feminist
she's going to... And you're not
and you're a traditionalist
then your values are going to clash
at some point in time.
So, if you know ahead of time
that she's a feminist than this
or not a feminist
then this is how you can test a woman
based on knowing what you know about her.
So, it's going to be the
second or third date rule
where you are going to
let her pick up the tab on the third date
and you're going to see what her reaction is.
So, if she's a traditionalist
and she's told you that right up front
well, then you're going to expect that
she's probably not going to want
to pay for that third date or second date.
But if she's a decent woman
even as a traditionalist
she should want to reciprocate
in some way.
Is she offering to make you dinner?
Is she offering...
Has she baked you cookies?
Has she done anything to
reciprocate in some way to show you
that she actually appreciates
what you're paying for?
That if you're paying for a meal for example.
If she's not giving back
in some tangible way that you can value,
then she's a taker
and even if she's a traditionalist,
a traditionalist can be okay
as long as she's a giver.
But if she's a traditionalist and a taker
then to me, that's just a gold digger.
Now, what if she's a feminist?
Well, a feminist should be okay
with paying for that third meal or second meal
or splitting the check on the first meal
because she believes in equality.
Now, if you want to be with a feminist
that's a whole other ball game,
but nonetheless her reaction
at splitting the check
or picking up the tab on the third date
will reveal what her true character is
and how she reacts whether
she's a traditionalist or
a feminist modern woman.
Will give you the
information you need to know
if she's the kind of woman
who is gracious and kind and fair
and whether or not
you should proceed with her.
So, just to recap,
if she's testing you
she's testing you to see
how your reactions and actions
are that will reveal your character.
If she's testing you after
you've already passed these tests
and she continuously tests you
that reveals her character.
In the first one, it's does she trust you
or can she trust you?
In the second one is it
can she trust herself?
Does she trust herself?
So, let me know your thoughts
on this in the comments
and remember that
if she's testing you
there's at least a chance
that she's interested in you.
If she's not testing you at all
then you are already
officially in the friend zone.
Thanks so much for being here
and I'll see you in the next one,
yeah.
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