-Well, I don't need to tell you that the final
"Game of Thrones" aired on Sunday night,
but there is one last chapter yet to be written.
Here it is, the final "Game of Jones."
-[ Imitates dramatic music ]
♪♪
-Are you ready for this, Leslie? -I'm ready, baby!
-Thank you for taking this ride with me.
I feel, right now, like the end of "Thelma & Louise."
We're in the car together.
We're in the convertible. We're about to go off the cliff.
-I'm not going off the cliff.
That's some crazy white-woman stuff.
-You're gonna roll out at the last minute.
-Exactly. I'm gonna watch you go off the cliff.
And then I'm gonna be like, "Damn, he was a great partner."
And then I'm gonna drive off and find somebody else.
-I'll take it. -Yeah.
Look at this. Look how sad he look.
-Yeah.
-♪ This used to be my playground ♪
♪ This used to be my childhood dream ♪
-Who's this fella?
-Okay, this is you coming back from Vegas.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, on the way to Vegas, you're like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
On the way back from Vegas, you like, "Oh [bleep]
I'm going to have to borrow $15."
-I think I maybe lost all the skin on my back.
-Where is my car?
Look at this dude just sitting there like,
"She burnt everything."
-Yeah. -"Everything."
-He probably just bought that place.
He'd been renting. He just bought it.
-He look like he had just hung a painting
and was like, "Oh, God, this is so..."
[ Growling ]
-In the name of the one true queen, Daenerys Targaryen,
I sentence you to die.
-This [bleep] This what I didn't understand.
How come they just couldn't look up and go,
"Okay, well, we serve Daenerys now"?
-Oh, I would be saying -- The amount I'd be talking right now,
"Oh, I'm so sorry! Oh, I'm so sorry!"
-"Daenerys is my Queen. Daenerys is my Queen.
Daenerys is my Queen." -Oh, no!
Oh, I'm so sorry."
-It's snowing from ash, homey. -Yeah.
-That's body ash, too, so that's people's bodies.
-Well, it was already distressing,
and you made it 10 times more now.
-So that means that that snow
that's coming down is, like, dandruff,
but body dandruff.
I thought there'd be more smashed up heads, too.
Like, you can't just find them under the --
Ooh, there goes Cersei's face.
She died with her incest brother.
-It is amazing how you are happy to see them with each other,
last episode.
-You was happy to see that? -I was happy to see it.
And I completely ignored they were twins...
-I didn't. -...who had sex, with kids.
Multiple kids. -[Bleep]
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
That [bleep] was like some "Snow White," like, cartoon.
You know how the cartoon and the chick had the black thing,
and she walked kind of -- Ooh, that was some old --
-That was good.
-That-bitch-turned-into-a-crow type [bleep]
Look at her. And let me tell you something.
She got the ultimate...
♪ Baby, I'm sorry ♪
♪ I'm not sorry ♪
♪ I burnt all these bitches ♪
♪ I'm not sorry ♪
[ Speaking Dothraki ]
-This looks like one of those really bad stand-up gigs
where they're like, "Here's the deal.
The stage is really far away. It's outdoor.
No microphone. Half the audience is on horses."
-"Half the audience is on horses.
You gonna have to play towards the back.
Play towards the back. The Dothraki -- they love jokes.
They unsullied in the front -- not so much."
-It's against their -- They're not allowed to laugh.
-The way they laugh, they laugh by doing this.
They go...
-It's a 45-minute set, and when they laugh, they go...
[ Grunts ]
-"Oh, also, I'm sorry.
Before you go out, they speak two different languages.
Have fun.
And the stage is really far away.
You really got to project."
[ Speaking Dothraki ]
-[ Speaks Dothraki ]
Somebody say that to me,
I'd be like, "Bitch, what did you say?"
-Also, I thought that was a job he already had.
I feel like she promoted him -- -Exactly.
She just promoted him from manager to manager.
Watch this. Watch this. Watch this. Watch this.
♪ Take this job and shove it ♪
♪ Don't work 'round here no more ♪
♪ You and your dragon can kiss my ass ♪
♪ I'm walking out the door ♪
Oh, look -- they stopped clapping.
-They were like, "The pin! He threw the pin!"
-"Oh [bleep]
Did this bitch just throw the pin?"
♪♪
And look -- where's she walking to?
'Cause she obviously burnt everything down.
So she ain't got no place --
Damn, Arya, where the [bleep] you come from?
Look, they still walking.
They need to get her a golf cart or something,
'cause that's a long-ass walk.
-I think she did that thing where you walk off,
like, powerfully.
Like, "Bye, Jon Snow."
And then you forget how long a walk it is.
-The moment the gates fell, the battle was over.
-She saw her friend beheaded.
-Why is he defending her? Is -- Why is he defending her?
Tell me. From a man's side.
-Well, you know, his last girlfriend died.
I think he's worried.
Once you have two girlfriends die,
it's so hard to get a third girlfriend.
People say, "What happened to your last girlfriend?"
"Died."
"What about the one before that?"
"Died. Anyway..."
-Anyway, you want some more nachos?
♪♪
That's his auntie! -They're happy.
-Aah!
I swear to God, if Uncle Emer ever tried to kiss me like that,
I'm calling the police!
♪♪
-Oh!
Did you see that? [ Laughs ]
Ah! He stabbeded it in her.
♪ He stabbeded her, her ♪
Yeah, bitch, that's a knife in ya.
That's a knife in ya. -Oh.
-I'm telling you, that's unexpected.
Like, I did not expect Jon to have the guts to do this.
-Why are you, like, so upset about someone kissing
their aunt, but totally fine with someone killing their aunt?
-Because that bitch needs to go. Look at the dragon.
Dragon like, "Bitch, wait a minute.
Is that my mama? Get away from my mama!
Get away from my mama!"
-If somebody stabbed me in my house,
my dog wouldn't get out of her bed.
-Man, my dog would be like,
"I'm so glad you stabbed that bitch.
That bitch always -- She never feeds me on time.
I'm always hungry."
Look -- he about to burn the [bleep] out of Jon ass.
Man, I would be [bleep] all bricks.
There would be three [bleep] bricks right in front of me.
Aaaah!
"Why you kill my mama?!
[Bleep] this throne! Raaaah!"
You know what he doing?
♪ How do I say goodbye?! ♪
-If Danny doesn't get the throne, nobody gets it.
-No one gets it.
"If my mama can't have it, can't nobody can have it."
-Where is Jon? -He is our prisoner.
-So is Lord Tyrion.
They were both to be brought to this gathering.
-But look how dope Sansa looks, though.
-Is this, like, a parole hearing?
-This is like -- I guess.
You know, these is all the [bleep] that's left.
-Have you changed your ways? -Have you...
-What was that? -I don't know who that is.
-No, the one on the left. Is that the Robin Arryn?
-Who is that Robin Arryn?
-The guy who used to breast-feed on his mom in the vail.
-Oh!
Oh! That's so gross! -But he looks good now.
-[Bleep] of course.
He got about 6 ounces of [bleep] breast milk in him.
-Yeah, look how strong his bones look.
-Oh, gross.
-The decision about what's best for everyone
should be left to...
well, everyone.
-He's pitching democracy? -Is he's pitching democracy?
No.
-Talk about a place that is rife for voter fraud.
No one here has photo I.D. I mean, how would it even work?
-You talking about voter fraud. Oh, my God.
-"Yeah, I'm Glyn of the Grasslands."
"All right. I'll take your word for it.
All right."
-Aye.
-"I drank breast milk till I was 14."
Bran! -You're a king now.
-You're a king now, Bran. -Give us a little [bleep] Bran.
-If this mother[bleep] smiles, I swear to God I'll pass out.
-You got to put your face on money now.
-You got a cute little blue cape on.
You got to put your face on money.
I do not want no Bran-face coins.
-I'd like two bottles of wine. Do you take Bran?
-No! We hate Bran-faced coins here.
Oh! Now, this is funny. [ Laughs ]
She got to write about Jaime Lannister.
"This is the story about a one-handed [bleep] boy
who [bleep] left me out in the snow in my housecoat.
[Bleep]
He took my virginity.
Took my virginity and just rode off with one hand."
-I'm interested, if what you just said airs,
how much of it was a beep and if we heard any words.
-Man, I don't give a [bleep]
-This is like someone who went off to college,
but ended up back in his hometown.
-Like, he got kicked out and [bleep]
-They're like, "How was Harvard?"
-"I got caught selling meth to some of the students."
And look -- that's his dad like, "Yep.
I knew you wasn't gonna make it."
-"Welcome back, Harvard.
Guess you're back with the family business now."
-"Yeah, mother[bleep] Let's go make some steel."
-Well, there they go.
-Yeah, people are disappointed about the ending.
-All right, well, talk to me about that.
Do you -- What do you feel about people who didn't like it?
-I think that they need to grow the --
take a big glass of grow the [bleep] up,
because "Game of Thrones" is not real.
-I'm going to miss us sitting here
and watching the show together.
-Aww!
-Leslie, thank you for doing this with me.
-Thank you, baby. We'll find something else.
-Should we do "Chernobyl"?
-What the [bleep] is a "Chernobyl"?
What's that? What's "Chernobyl," white folks?