Welcome to Just Between Us.
Today's a very special episode. It's our 200th episode.
- Gaby: Do you know if that's true? - Allison: No.
Did you just make that up?
♪ (jazzy music) ♪
This week we have a domestic question from Maryland. Ever heard of it? I sure have.
I would assume you've heard of all 50 states.
Could you name all 50 states right now?
Yeah, but there's that song...
- G: Alabama, Arkansas, Argentina?... - A: See? You can't do it.
Argentina's not a state!
Sherlyn from Maryland wants to know: "How do you know when you're in love?"
- A: I fall in love so easily. - G: I know.
Like (snaps) immediately.
I know but I don't think that's really love.
- A: But why not? - G: Because I don't think it is. Because—
When is it...How...Is there a certain amount of time that has to pass?
- G: I think— - A: Two weeks.
I think you're not truly in love until you have gone through something bad together.
Like a car accident?
Like a car accident, like an illness.
But you had people where you said you love them and you didn't have a car accident
together.
I didn't mean it in the deep sense of the word.
Have you ever been in love?
- G: I don't know, I honestly don't know. - A: I've been in love 8 to 10 times.
But I...see? I look back and I'm like "Did I even love that person?"
Oh, I don't love them any more!
No, but I'm saying I don't think I did. I think I was confusing obsession or lust or
you know, a lot of times you have really good sex with someone and you're like "I
love you," and you're like "No, you don't, you don't love that person," your brain's
all rattled with chemicals.
Are you the person who, while they're having sex, makes intense eye contact and
goes "I love you"?
I'm trying to think, no. I've cried.
Oh yeah.
Do you think the person needs to love you back for it to be love?
Yes!
Really? What about unrequited love? Or just an unhealthy relationship?
No, unrequited love makes me so uncomfortable because if the other person
is like, "I love you, I'm in love with you, this is really love," it's like, "Are they
in love with you or with an image of you?" They don't really know you, they
don't really know what it's like to have love reciprocated from you. They can't be
in love with you because they don't know you.
Don't you think, though, that I am so strong that I am so willing to love?
What?
Don't you think that that's a real strength, that even though I get my heart
stomped on, I keep reopening it and welcoming love back into my life?
- G: Or is that the definition of insanity? - A: It is, yes.
I think a lot of times, people use love as an excuse for bad behavior.
I think people use religion.
That's not what we're talking about, though.
The number one excuse for bad behavior is organized religion.
- G: Okay, but number two, then, is love. - A: Yes, close second.
They think that something is love that isn't love. They think that love is
owning someone, and it's not.
No.
Yes. That's why people murder out of jealousy.
I meant more just the idea of loving being in love.
That, too.
I love it.
Doesn't that prevent you from actually deeply getting to know the other person?
- G: Because you're just.... Ok. - A: No, I think it allows me to because
I immediately visualize our entire future together.
But I've loved people that I never thought that I would marry or that I would have a
future with.
Who?
Tons of people.
Isn't it crazy that my straps keep falling down?
Are you in love right now? And with how many people?
Sometimes I thought I was in love but I wasn't.
But what does that mean? That's such bullshit. I think that just means you fell
out of love, but you were still in love.
One time I said it and it wasn't true.
I'm saying "I love you," and I mean it in the moment.
Yeah, you mean it and then you fall out of love. You're making it seem like if you
fall out, then it never happened.
But maybe you don't even know what love is, maybe I don't even know what love is and
I'm just saying that I'm in love and I don't even know what that is.
So neither of us has ever been in love?
Probably no one's ever been in love.
That's ridiculous. Have you met my parents?
I'm just saying, love is this weird construct where people are like, "You have
to have one romantic partner and be in love with them," and what does that even
mean. Does that mean fidelity? No, it doesn't. Can you be in love with multiple
people at one time?
I've seen The Bachelorette.
You know what I've done? I've done "I adore you." When someone's like "I love
you," I go "Thanks, I adore you."
That's cold! That's worse than "Thank you"!
- G: Why? - A: Brutal! You don't deserve love!
♪ (jazzy music) ♪
What about this? Does that look playful? Or is it giving me a double chin?
Hold your chin up. Now put your head back. Put it to the side. Back. Up. Down.
- G: Side. - A: You're fucking with me!
♪ (jazzy music) ♪
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