- Count down!
- Let's count it down guys!
- Five!
- Four!
- Three!
- Two!
- One!
Shenmue 3 baby!
After all these years..
After all this time...
They're finally making Shenmue 3.
Woman: Ryo!
This way!
[Offscreen] Ryo: Uh.. okay.
The Shenmue series buries awesome QTE sequences,
Uh- amazing music, genuinely interesting open worlds
under just... layers and layers of monotonous bullshit
and horrible, horrible voice acting.
But if you can put up with Shenmue's bullshit
you'll discover two of the most authentic open worlds
that really immerse you in Asian culture
and the most unintentionally funny games ever made.
[dramatic music]
Ren: It'll be years before you can stand in my way!
[music continues]
.... Nintendo 63...
... Nintendo 64....
... my puppet body is ready.
The Division was hit with a graphical downgrade, as usual
Uh.. it looks great for kids
but I just don't see the multiplayer holding up.
EA Presenter: I know a lot of you out there excited to play our next big title,
Madden NFL 16
when it launches on August the 25th.
EA Presenter: Go Madden.
Right now Blizzard's strategy is copy something successful
and put their own spin on it
and polish it up to a really high standard.
Everybody loves Hearthstone
Uh, I've actually come to appreciate
the twelve to twenty minute matches
of Heroes of the Storm, y'know?
It takes twenty minutes for me to get into a ranked match on League.
Overwatch is Blizzard's take on Team Fortress 2.
Right now there's twelve classes,
...uh.. good luck balancing all those.
You got Monkey Man...
...Engineer...
...Iron Man...
[Team Fortress 2 music starts playing loudly]
...Hawkeye...
...Spiderman...
[music getting louder] ...Mystery...
[music now drowning out his voice] You guys can't hear what I'm saying.
[music now drowning out his voice] I could say that I'm a gay goose and nobody would hear-
Please give me the alpha so I can play thi-
Presenter: Now many years ago,
Square Enix released a ground breaking title,
that went on to become one of the most beloved games
in Playstation and video game history.
[crowd cheering]
Tonight, I am proud to announce
that by popular demand,
we have a very special treat for everyone.
EA Presenter: Go Madden.
But I don't know why people say
that I look like Bowser.
And already, the sequel to Overwatch,
with Firewatch.
In this game,
you play as a fireman.
Who got...
a axe.
and found a turtle.
then... he.. chopped a tree
and went into the woods
then he jumped over a log.
So... don't tell me this game isn't good.
♪ ["Atom Bomb Baby"] ♪
Fallout 3 is my favorite game from Bethesda.
Mostly because it refuses to take itself seriously.
It faces you with this,
grim, horrible wasteland,
but the humor, and the freedom make it so endearing
and fun to explore.
I love how it lets me do quests the way I want to do them.
300 Caps?
In-te-res-ting.
[gunshot]
[offscreen] What are you doing, coward?
The settlement building feature,
we've seen this in a hundred survival games last year
but now they're really running with the idea.
Your town will be populated with AIs,
you'll get attacked by raiders,
you have to build defenses,
you have to build.. crops.
- Imagine playing a Morpheus game while four of your friends
- are inside the same virtual world.
This was by far the most awesome thing I saw at E3.
but.. that's what Dice does:
they make these awesome, GAMEplay trailers, y'know
where the most exciting, most cinematic match of all-time happens
and nobody gets kicked out by PunkBuster.
The real game.. will not be anywhere near as exciting as this.
The Battlefield series has gone like this:
Good.
Eh.
Wha- come on.
What the fuck?
I want more than anything for this game to be amazing,
but EA is the emperor,
and Dice is Darth Vader
and they both die.
So I don't know how they're gonna make this game good.
Fuck you, EA.
Hey Fox, do a barrel roll!
Yeah come on, Fox, do a barrel roll!
Barrel roll? I can do better than that.
Check this out!
Finally!
A true sequel to Starfox 64.
This is what the fans have been asking for all along, Nintendo.
Starfox 64, such a short, but perfect game, y'know?
Like Tony Hawk, just- j- OH NO...
Not the Wii U gamepad, NO!
GET THAT-
EA Presenter: Go Madden.
They have been making this game for eight years now.
It was supposed to be one of the tent-pole games for the PS3,
but it never came out.
And it just seemed like this game ceased to exist.
Then out of nowhere,
this year at E3, they show up with a new gameplay video,
and I'm excited for it all over again, baby.
This is a.. is a-
you get a big-ass owl-cat
I gotta- I gotta- I gotta get my hands on..
Gimme the game. [cocks gun]
Just gimme the goddamn game.
Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Siege is the only game on this list
that I've actually played already.
The alpha.. would spawn me in a wall,
I couldn't play with friends,
sometimes the matches wouldn't even start.
[imitating commenters] "BUB BUNKEY!"
"THE GAME ISH IN ALPHA"
"SURELY THESE GLITCHES WILL BE SOLVED!"
Don't count on it.
This is Ubisoft we're talking about.
Developers have become increasingly content
with putting out broken games before they're finished to rake in the money
because it's become the industry standard.
Brokenness aside, this is a tense shooter
with unique ideas.
The levels are really destructable
You have these little RC cars that spy on the enemy team,
which encourages players to communicate and function like an actual SWAT team.
I had a lot of fun with this game when it actually worked.
But this game is being made by-
♪ [Jason Derulo performing "Want to Want Me"] ♪
♪ [music continues to play ] ♪
I don't know what this is...
I don't know where I go...
I don't know who I am...
I don't know what you do in this game,
but it's really big,
and it has really big dinosaurs,
and you shoot really big spaceships.
And everything is procedurally generated.
And it's the most crazy and ambitious game since
Spore.
Uh oh.
This is the new game from the guy who made Katamari Damacy.
From what I understand,
the goal of the game is to get donuts and toilets and sushi rolls all to hold hands
and then explode them into space to capture the attention of alien species
like the lawnmower, or the coffee cup.
You start out with this little hub world,
and as you attract other creatures your hub world continues to expand
and it's got co-op and each little character has their own song
and then when you bring them together their music combines
and everything about this game just sounds amazing to me.
All these years, subconsciously
I've wanted to play a game where I can climb up a tree as a toilet
I just didn't know it until I saw this at E3.
♪ [music from Wattam plays] ♪
Presenter: One of the things that Rare has done consistently over three decades
is evolve as a studio.
Rare has redefined genres with its own special formula
and we're ready to do that again.
This is by far, the most ambitious game
Rare has ever created.
Meanwhile, these guys just quit Rare
to go develop their own Banjo-Kazooie-inspired 3D platformer
called Yooka-Laylee.
You hear that music?
That's Grant Kirkhope, baby. He's back.
A lot of these guys
worked on the original Banjo
and if they can just capture half of the magic of that game,
then Yooka-Laylee
will blow everybody's dick off to the moon and back.
♪ [Yooka-Laylee theme] ♪
Sixteen.
Sevente-
Oh.
Don't mind me I'm just counting the seconds
until the next Zelda Wii U comes out.
Because this game is gonna be my shit.
These are the most revered, prestigious games
and they've been doing them forever, since the Super Nintendo!
These have been the highest budget, craziest ass,
-and here I am, with an exclusive first look,
at the new Zelda Wii U.
♪ ["Star Theme" from Super Mario Bros] ♪
I don't know why people say that I look like Bowser.
Do I really need to explain myself for this one?
They put out a $40 demo disk for this game
and people bought the shit out of it.
These guys have worked their asses off for years
to deliver an uncompromisingly jam-packed game
with all the craziest shit they could think of
and this is gonna be amazing.
That's not my opinion,
that's just a fact of life.
♪ ["Sins of the Father" from Metal Gear Solid V] ♪
[gunshot]
EA Presenter: Go Madden.
♪ ["Atom Bomb Baby" by The Five Stars from Fallout 4] ♪